I enjoy getting my nails done.

My regular nails don't grow in properly. It must be because I bit them down to the cuticle until I was in my 20s. Nothing could stop me, not even nail polish. I have fond memories of reading Harry Potter and chewing on my black painted nails in an anxiety-induced frenzy. I'd look in the mirror later to find the paint caking my teeth, creating what looked like gaps in my mouth as if I were a pirate.

Flash forward to my college days and I started to notice how imperfect my nails were in comparison to my group of perfectly-manicured friends. Mine were always short, stubby, and gnarled from the incessant biting. I decided that I would try to get a manicure in an attempt to save face (or hand).

Here's the trouble with fake nails: 

  • They scratch. Ask my boyfriend who has claw marks all over him. It's unintentional but it still happens. Scratching any body part when you have an itch with fake nails is putting yourself at risk for bleeding.
  • It's hard to type or text. Just sitting here now typing this is sort of a pain in the ass. You almost have to ignore the nail completely and type flat-fingered which slows down the process considerably. It's even more of a pain to text on a touchscreen phone. I rely a lot on auto-correct and word suggestions.
  • They hide mysterious gunk. I always find leftover surprises from meals long past which is both disgusting and intriguing. Oh yeah, I did eat Chex Mix five days ago. The best part is getting to dig out the remnants with your new scoopable nails. The pinky works best.
  • They grow out quickly. Mine typically last a week or two before they grow out and my cuticle becomes pronounced again. Then you have to go back for what is known as a "fill in" where they fill in the part of your nail that's newly exposed. This is a rinse and repeat process until you get a new set which leads me to...
  • They're expensive. It costs me about $50 a set for nails (including tip) and then $10- $30 for a fill in depending. This adds up over time which makes maintaining and keeping fake nails a costly venture.
aug 26 2020 ∞
sep 22 2020 +