- A few months ago, N and I decided to try a new Thai restaurant that we'd heard good things about. It was sort of a long drive out of our way, but the promise of some decent Pad Thai in an area that doesn't know how to pronounce Pad Thai made it worth the journey. The place was very small from the outside and it was packed with people. I already knew we wouldn't be staying- N doesn't like crowds and has weird rules about having to wait for a table. We opened the door anyway. The inside was loud and crowded as we shuffled towards the empty hostess stand. I was preparing to immediately do a 180 back out of the entrance when I caught a woman looking at N. The woman had to be in her early 30s- red headed, short, wearing a wrap dress with a sweater and boots, sitting at a high top table next to friends. I didn't notice anything unusual except for her smile. She was smiling this genuine type of excited grin reserved only for people you recognize. I looked back at N to read any trace of acknowledgment in his face but he had glanced her over quickly and had gone back to his look of general discomfort that was caused by claustrophobia. I looked back at the woman and she was still smiling but this time with a blush across her face as she talked to her friend. I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and grabbed his arm to lead him back out of the restaurant. "That woman in there. The one that was staring at you. Did you know her?" I asked him once we were back in the truck. "No I didn't, but you noticed the staring too?" he replied, pulling his phone out to start looking for another restaurant to eat at. That was the first and only time I had ever felt possessive of my boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I interrupted him meeting the perfect woman for him. What if she was his future wife and my presence got in the way of their destiny together?
- Ever since I started taking medication for my bipolar disorder I've felt different personality-wise. Yes, medication has done wonders for me and I'm so thankful and grateful for all of the stability it provides, but sometimes I feel like my personality is smothered underneath. I'm still very much myself but it's as if someone turned the dial back on my character and it can feel very muted. Sometimes I wonder if I've lost parts of me due to medication. What if some of my personality is held back?
- We're all so dedicated to defining ourselves, trying to prove just how unique we are that we overlook just how similar we are to others. I get inexplicably upset when I find out someone has the same unique interest or taste as me as if that one thing is supposed to define who I am. It's as if I'm being stripped of my identity. Sometimes I wonder why we try to use our interests to prove who we are. What do the things we like say about us, if anything?
jun 2 2020 ∞
apr 13 2021 +