• i wanna try stuff from paula's choice (http://www.paulaschoice.com/)
• biore charcoal cleanser??
• http://www.sephora.com/nirvana-black-rol... i like the nirvana white as well
• http://triwa.com/en/outlet/blue-raven-ne...
• laptop tbh
• iphone 5 tbh
• a compact dslr camera tbh
• that cookbook (simply delish)
• firewood scented candles
• a person-sized stuffie (or like my torso sized lol)
• A DAY AT A LEGIT SPA WITH LIKE HOT SPRINGS IDK
• portable good speakers that can attach to my ipod
• jewelry display on which stuff can hang without touching each other
• nice over-the-ear headphones kind of like those ones i got from chapters before--so they look good but dont hurt

• finish as much of my research paper up as possible
• write to jennine and gabby
• begin a painting

funny how many of these points applied to my friends of the past too.

they:

• sing a capella songs with me, and disney (LET IT GO)
• sing with me, period
• let me make dumb jokes (i'm very punny)
• can be totally random and dumb and they're totally okay with it
• let me be totally random and dumb
• let me speak without a filter lol
• call me out when i say stupid shit (sometimes)
• let me call them out when they do the same
• laugh at themselves
• and at me
• dream about the future
• and our future
• get married with me
• act as little spoon

• make italian q cards
• exercise (320)
• make mixes for em and kyla
• earrings
• clean room

• bowing at the same time as shrugging his jacket off
• playing the ukelele
• singing long notes
• shaking his head and hair and smiling
• running his hands through his hair
• drumming his chest and his thigh
• looking at the audience through lowered lashes
• dancing while jiggling his legs and feet
• smiling at his band and hugging them
• being humble
• touching the hands of the audience

tomorrow

• clean bathroom
• finish duddy kravitz
• work
• start purgatory (read half)

sunday

• finish purgatory
• essay outline (knowledge and reason in characters + significance?)
• write 1/4 of essay
• hum 240 readings

• I AM WEAK
• for brunettes
• and green eyes
• and brains
• and adorableness
• which often involves nerdiness
• and... pretty hands
• UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

• vacuum+dust room
• read game of thrones
• sell textbooks
• buy textbooks
• hang out with peeps
• finish totoro mittens
• clean shit out from underneath bed
• figure out february with em
• comic book shoes

• girl sleeping in the coils of a water dragon
• boy standing in water with it dripping from his hands as he tries to hold on to it
• girl with feathers taped to hands, captioned "all i ever wanted was to fly", half her face showing with tears running down it

• quasimodo
• under the sheets
• let my love open the door
• new coats and new hats
• the girl
• tighten up
• lovesong
• if i ever feel better
• crystalized
• indiana
• gleypa okkur
• green eyes
• come out of the shade
• run my mouth
• when you leave by maps
• blood bank

• eternalsunshine!shinee verse
• wish fulfillment: the idea that we dream to gratify our unconscious desires and needs

• it is mostly tension-free in terms of school
• I have time to hang out with people
• hopefully no snow
• getting more of an idea of where I'm going with my life
• good music
• sleep
• finally getting real treatment for my TB
• first time I've felt hopeful in a long time
• prerana's number = 778 235 5634

• yells at everybody.
• he makes people feel worthless.
• he makes me feel tense.
• he makes mom cry.
• he makes bibi cry.
• he makes me cry.
• lies to me. example: "I only said that to you because I didn't want you to get depressed or something."
• spends money on himself but yells at others for spending it. example: mom spent two dollars on amtoj's halloween decorations, he spent whatever hundreds of dollars on his motorcycle stuff, he yelled at mom.
• doesn't bother to care about what I (or anyone else for that matter) care about, and it ticks me off that I have to pretend to care about his motorcycle crap.
• is completely self-absorbed. example: why isn't n around? it can't be because she'...

• sleeping on time, waking up at reasonable times.
• eating at least a few servings of fruits and veggies a day, particularly the greens.
• exercising at least 20 minutes a day.
• making homework a Top Priority.
• calling one friend a week, at least. making plans with people.
• being okay with being at home. I've lived 18 years in this family, so I should accept it. this is the way things are, this is the way things will be, and yet you love them anyway so stop hurting everyone and yourself by pretending. just have positivity in your life -- love them instead of being so angry -- and things will get better. slowly, but they will.

• write to emily (re: in the skin of a lion)
• write to jennifer
• call natalie
• call emily c
• spam puneet

• have at least half of the FS written. realistic or not, I should try.
• write. write. please, please try.
• have a sleepover.
• go somewhere far, far away.
• go to metrotown with friends.
• get license.
• go to h&m with sharon, and with kirat at some point as well.

• Literature project
• English project (GET A POSTER BOARD OR SMTH)
• Psychology project
• Literature final exam

• those lovely new boots
• a cellphone

• be concise
• be specific
• keep going back to the thesis

• the house being warm.
• shopping.
• me having some sort of social life.
• me not being so lonely.
• me losing weight.
• someone sitting next to me who I am completely comfortable with, and us just holding hands. I think I need that right now.
• me getting the fuck over my stupid lost friendship with c. honestly. when something isn't there anymore, what's the use of pretending there is?

• my neck that swelled 20x overnight
• fucking panesar (my doctor fyi)
• it being true that doctors actually DO poke and prod you
• having to get a blood test (more importantly seeing someone else convulse after their blood test, someone else faint, and also seeing four tubes of blood being pulled out of my veins and feeling sick)
• going back to the doc's two hours after for an x-ray which for some reason also made me nervous as hell (as in I had repetitive AM I GOING TO DIE thoughts which I realize are fairly ridiculous but no one's going to see this anyway)
• being at the supermarket for two hours with two toddlers who are annoying as fuck
• getting yelled at by the father for an honest mistake and feeling like shit and completely guilty afterwards
• seeing mom get yelled at for my mistake

for strength, kindness, optimism, love, cheering me up, telling me they miss me, being generally amazing:

• Puneet
• Patti
• Serena
• Tilly
• Emily (LJ)
• Cristy

• go fuck yourself.
• please look at me.
• I wish you took a look at yourself and understood why your best friend doesn't talk to you anymore.
• why did you leave me?
• please just leave me alone.
• dear stranger: thank you.
• you have no idea how much I think about you. and how often I feel like you probably never think of me.
• sometimes I just realize that I need you in my life, even though I've never even met you before. you give me strength. I'm afraid of being without you.
• I love you.
• I don't want to lose you.

• mail
• skirts
• long, oversized cardigan(s)
• blue nailpolish
• bracelets
• more hats
• a jewelry stand or something
• hugs
• (light) snow
• time to read
• cute shirts
• new headphones (the oversized kind)
• earring studs
• polaroid camera
• +
• this

they:

• sing the beatles with me
• sing with me, period
• let me make dumb jokes
• act unconditionally stupid at times which sets me laughing uncontrollably
• allow me to be pervy
• tell me their secrets
• listen to me cry
• rec me music which I may never listen to
• watch french movies with me
• eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting
• share their pasta with me
• make me smile
• put up with my flaws
• tell me when I have flaws
• write me strange and uncomfortable birthday cards in which I realize all over again that I adore them
• be cheesy and let me be about 900x more cheesy than them

• http://www.stevemadden.ca/product/GIFT-G...
• anastasia beverly hills lipgloss in vamp, and maybe a red and a pink shade http://rheav.com/anastasia-beverly-hills...
• the liquid lipstick in serafine
• http://www.amazon.com/Remington-CI9538-C...
• the naked 3 palette
• manicure/spa day
• iphone 6s
• http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/pd/air-zo...

• if the shoe fits http://www.stevemadden.com/product/CLEAR...
• http://anastasiabeverlyhills.com/makeup/...
• Tom Ford lipstick

• education: read 15 pages ✔
• odyssey: read book 13 ✔
• and those poems
• finish history paper (fix mcdonnell's quote and citations) + email to gabby and Sharon ✔
• write detailed outline for humanities paper
• watch movies and stuff for humanities paper
• write jennine's birthday card
• look over history notes from yesterday

if time,

• read history article
• math readings + catch up on homework
• lon-capa

• doctor who

--> the girl in the fireplace --> vincent van gogh --> blink

• supernatural

--> doppelganger --> what is and what should never be --> folsom prison blues --> mystery spot

• veronica mars

--> pilot --> M.A.D.

• elementary

--> the levinthian --> M. --> the red team --> possibility 2 --> deja vu all over again

• misfits

--> s1e1 --> s1e4 --> s2e3 --> s2e4 --> s2e6

• reread the history of love
• finish the fratricides, the book of revenge, how the soldier repairs the gramophone
• rewatch TW S2
• watch VM S2 + S3
• ASOIAF 4, 5, 6
• GOT
• complete sherlock holmes
• wally lamb

• you have to stand out of your own way
• you have to save yourself first

the three things you need to strive for, and two of which you can live with happily:

• people you love
• a job you love
• a place you love

listen to

• metric
• robin
• marina
• fiona apple

watch

• skins
• suits
• got
• supernatural

read

• got
• wally lamb
• dracula

• read all of orlando furioso
• all english readings
• jerusalem delivered
• physics assignment

Today:

• English 357 readings
• Co-op: discussion
• Finish Astronomy assignment

Tomorrow:

• English 357 readings
• Hum 211: Dante--finish Inferno, start Purgatory
• Hum 211: Lives of, Renaissance art
• Hum 240: readings
• Hum 211: Essay outline
• Co-op: finish discussion stuff
• Astronomy readings (last week’s + this week)

• lush scents. I WANT THEM AAAAAAAALL
• spn s3
• +4+5
• a new faux-leather bookbag!!!
• false eyelashes, santana style

• zia (esp her duet with k. will and that man with the amazing hunky voice)
• lee dong wook's eyes, mouth, hands, neck, hipbones, back
• feeling inspired
• people with crazy acting skills
• being alone but not being very lonely
• green nail polish
• faded henna
• february
• looking forward to something (february :3 sleepovers!)
• strangers who tell me i have a nice smile
• feeling attractive sometimes
• the sun
• leaves
• green green grass
• the smell of crisp, cool air
• rose-scented lotion
• being uninhibited with my feelings

• get a poster of monkeychun to vandalize
• go to asian mall
• watch howl's moving castle
• buy monkey plushies and name them Monkeychun and Chunkey Chun 8D SOBBING
• go to the beach even if it's really cold
• have a picnic (at the beach? (!))
• watch a DBSK video/concert (T or FiTB or AADBSK3)
• paint nails together
• watch a hindi movie
• eyeliner!!
• KOREAN FOOD OM NOM NOM NOM DELICIOUS
• write one thing on the other's hand that we want them to do while we are together :)
• make pumpkin cheesecake
• belgian dark hot chocolate :9

• see JYJ
• learn to be completely proficient in at least one other language
• go sky-diving
• learn to swim
• see aurora borealis
• get the FS published
• see the world... all of europe, asia.

november 8

• 5-8 naptiems
• 8-9 edit puneet's essay
• 9-12 psych assignment
• 12-1 outline (+ start?) paper

november 9

• finish paper
• poetry readings
• start psych chapter 7

• not having cancer
• Emily
• sister
• a relatively normal life
• being alive.

• harry/hermione
• james/lily (but I'm not gonna lie I do some snape/lily shipping on the side :<)
• jeff/britta
• dean/castiel
• blaise/hermione
• ten/rose
• sid/cassie
• arthur/merlin
• ryosuke/gina
• elle/kazuki

• go to library
• clean out schoolbag and put in wash
• finish skirt
• jump rope
• start on shirt (finish row of words)
• call puneet
• call emily
• finish at least 1 chapter of wally lamb's book

• fight club
• atonement
• juno
• inception
• the piano
• toy story 3

• my allergies
• feeling discouraged about writing, about the fantasy story, about my livejournal friendships
• people
• myself
• missing her without reason
• being afraid of the future

• a new cardigan
• new tights
• jean jacket
• jewelry
• books
• cute tops
• summery dress

• finish Hamlet by Friday
• finish Grad Transitions
• get a grad dress
• finish learning Nobody dance
• do something about the other perf
• finish reading at least two books by the end of the break

• clean washroom
• vacuum
• clean room
• write literature essay
• finish literature unit i & ask breanna about it + how far she is
• shop??? (please?)
• art project?

• The Princess Bride
• A Walk to Remember

• finish psych articles of the week
• look up some scholarships
• apply to ubc (+ kwantlen??)
• write christmas cards/letters
• write present lists (what to get everyone)

• dbsk
• beaches
• colouring
• darkness
• gorgeous photography
• 영원히

• sleep
• eat vegetables
• eat dinner
• not eat junk late at night (or at all)
• stop feeling sorry for myself
• figure myself out
• not watch asian dramas while procrastinating because they're effing addicting
• exercise
• study more
• swear less
• have higher self-esteem
• clean my room as often as I want to
• tell dad what an asshole he can be, but in words that are more politically correct

• a new place
• new people
• more letters during christmastime and birthdays
• I wouldn't feel like such a douche for crying all the time
• someone to blame if I ruined my own future
• starry night skies
• higher chance of being able to go to dry grad/the movies/the mall more often
• it would have made dad happy
• I might've been able to afford more things
• no pst
• no fucking hst
• no more stupid brown people (lol)

• s'mores chocolates from trader joe's
• gift card for change
• gift card for dynamite
• shellac mani and pedi
• http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/mario-badesc..._-partner-_-15-_-2920707&siteId=QFGLnEolOWg-xwL7HZjwuKYibwe8vbOgEw
• in-ear headphones
• http://www.sephora.com/everyday-sunscree...
• http://www.sephora.com/power-couple-duo-...
• laser hair removal treatments for upper lip/chin/legs

• finish annotated bibliography
• upload health and safety thing
• talk to stacey

• create majority of outline for hum paper
• read history article + come up with thesis
• finish editing history paper

if time:

• math 190 -- reflection questions catch up
• lon-capa

• do the grouse grind
• go hiking
• go paragliding
• go rockclimbing
• watch wes anderson films
• read blankets
• watch guillermo del toro films
• watch cary grant films
• watch that movie gabby recommended to me
• read more murakami

• bike
• macbook pro
• new iphone
• cruise to alaska with the friendsies :) or at least permission...
• tom ford's black orchid (get me this)
• marc jacob's honey
• gigantic huggable sharkie (and this)
• honey i washed the kids soap from lush (and this)
• sea vegetable soap from lush (and this)
• music mixes (and this)
• lots of delicious tea (david's: coffee pu'erh, oh canada, that green tea i have..., forever nuts)
• wanna try lush's gorgeous moisturizer, vanishing cream, and enchanted eye cream
• really good in-the-ear headphones that aren't hideous and won't stop working a week after i buy them...
• elephant plushie

• reading for enlightenment course
• make flash cards for italian

monday

• study flash cards
• old man goriot

tuesday

• civil war readings

• rent
• pierrot le fou
• from up on poppy hill
• the dark knight

• game of thrones
• friday night lights
• shameless
• skins
• parks and rec
• star trek tng
• the vampire diaries

• warrior
• midnight in paris
• extremely loud and incredibly close
• hanna
• never let me go
• one day
• the girl with the dragon tattoo swed. vers.
• black swan
• inglorious basterds

• philosophy assignment
• hum 201 readings
• hum 102 readings
• hum 102 assignment
• eng 206 readings

• "a thousand miles between us"
• 切ないほど美しい /

愛だから / 儚いほど 麗(うるわ)しい / この時を…

(The more heart-rending, the more beautiful love is / So the more short lived, the lovelier this moment is)

• jaejoong's wings
• http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/b7/... (je ne regrette rien)
• http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lri72d...

• bound
• kindred
• compass
• something about finding equilibrium
• something about 'others'
• the summoning (ew)
• something related to citadels/strongholds/fortresses/IDK emphasis of ot8 somehow
• 8

• write at least 1000w/day for 10 days
• get christmas shopping done
• read all of puneet's books
• reread howl's moving castle
• read at least one of the books for eng
• read perfume
• buy all school-related supplies
• sell textbooks

• the dream about patti. her coming to my house with her sister, it being a sunny, beautiful morning, and that incredible joy of having someone care for me enough to travel halfway across the world for me. it felt so real.
• the other dream about patti. I see her in some sort of car, a taxi or something, and she's in a hurry, I think she's going to the airport or to a party or something. I am so surprised, and I am a little hurt. she is surprised too, and regretful, but she apologizes, and even though things are strained and I wonder 'why' again and again.
• the dream about prerana. I go to her house or something, I remember seeing the trampoline briefly and I think she was lying on it too. I was so relieved to have found her again, and asked why she never called but I was too happy to really care. I...

• sometimes I feel so lonely for no reason, the entire thing balling up in my chest like a strange, physical hurt, and I feel as though something good has ended.
• 10/07/10 -- for the first time in my memory, I wished today that I had no friends. it is too difficult, sometimes, to bear with disappointing everyone so often. friends get tired with you more than anyone. I don't know why I never realized that.

• excessive procrastination
• tumblr
• sleeping late
• not emailing people back for a while even when I have the time
• lying to parents
• not drawing
• not painting
• not calling people when I feel sad
• thinking badly of others for no real reason
• not writing
• being aimless
• impulsiveness that makes me feel negatively
• insecurity
• junk food

• read: any of the books I have, any of the library books I have
• write stories, poetry, anything
• clean room
• lie in bed listening to music
• practice driving
• paint
• watch movies

• a driving lesson that went well
• a beautiful beautiful day
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpei22c3S...

Ms Brett: You're planning to take English classes during university, right? Me: Yes. Her: Do you know what you're planning to do after post secondary? Me: Uh... nope. Her: Don't ever become a teacher. Me: Haha... I wasn't planning to, but why is that? Her: No one will ever love what you teach like you do. Sometimes it's worth it, but most of the time... it's not.

• vacuum
• finish grad slideshow
• finish unit 12 of lit by thursday evening
• finish unit 13 by sunday evening
• update ipod by next tuesday
• dl ost of 500 dos
• dl rachael yamagata's music

• cream puffs
• traffic warden
• puji
• new lj friends

• devina
• sumire
• meher

• today, I am ready to give up on you.
• I had a dream where someone said, "I feel like you've been replaced" to me, in regards to my place in your life. I don't know. a cross between pathetic and hopeless and sad, I guess.
• I feel like disappearing for a while, but I don't know where I would go.

• sleep
• re-read harry potter books
• marathon all the harry potter movies
• re-read the history of love
• re-read underwater light
• re-watch 500 days of summer
• eat healthy
• sleep more
• watch it snow outside
• talk to people on the phone for hours
• make music mixes
• get family channel locked from the television
• re-watch glee
• hug people
• stay under the covers all day

• still so much work to do
• I adore jasmine
• I hate everyone else
• "all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes"
• I want to talk to patti
• I wish someone would hug me
• and that my sister wasn't a cow
• this list is so completely useless lol

reasons I don't miss lj:

• boring
• don't think flist really cares
• most people I still kind of interact with but not really
• no more ________ (I know what this is but no one else is allowed to unless they are psychic)
• don't talk to anyone anymore

reasons I miss lj:

• I miss everyone even if they don't care
• so lonely.

• I have a chance at going to ubc
• no extra loneliness
• I can go out with thea on her next birthday in which I drive us to restaurant :3
• there would have been no more corner group
• I no longer have to worry about crying super hard in front of everyone during graduation (although this may happen despite everything)
• cold-hearted club is incomplete without me
• I can maybe take japanese in university
• I get to see everyone
• and be near them
• and call them
• and I can only lose them the natural, inevitable way now, which makes me feel almost relieved, for some reason
• home is where the heart is