i will protect the identity of the sender as i see fit...

• Jenz: I will go ahead and take credit for your multiple orgasms right off the bat...the whole time during the interview I was like GOD where is Susan
• Jodi: This is a threatening text. You should in to the party. Or else. Dun dun dun.
• Jenz: I got hit on by a midget last night...our nights were both successful
• Jenz: It's not stacks unless someone is hungover as fuck
• Lew: So susan did you hear we are 1/16 african american? And you said i have a bubble butt, but its my african american heritage.
• Eliz: Is it too much to draw a pile made into a "tree" made from poop in outerspace where people acquired dogs but have no idea what they were getting into?
• Jenz: Calvin Harris twitter status today: imagine naan gloves!! What a dream boat
• Cale: The only guarantee of sobriety should be its lack thereof.
• Stu: Sweet, hungover on a boat.
• Jenz: So late to work, and a boy still in my bed
• Chiz: There is a child here that reminds me of a lab. Too excited, not listening to shit...
• Jenz: Hey Foster Farms Chicken is hiring @ 28.55/hr and when I told them about your experience with handling cocks... Well... You start Monday
• Jodi: I made it to an after work happy hour and managed to shower. A victory for dog walkers everywhere!
• Stu: I rode the new ducati today, if you reach 100mph in second gear it kinda make you wonder what the other four are for?
• Eliz: You're a goddess.
• Jenz: I want druuuugs
• Jenz: Jessica, by the Allman Brothers...aka, the song I once fell asleep to trying to beat on guitar hero
• John: thNkx i/ mistype. awesome
• Jenz: You make me proud
• Jenz: Server @ a restaurant we're at looks like Adrian, but hotter...my vagina is melting
• Jenz: Wanted @ q bar on castro... it's like popscene took all its electro clash, remixed it, added hot gay men and then decided on $1 well drinks
• ***: Just in case you were wondering what kind of morning I has as a result of last night...just discovered I put on my underwear backwards. I rule.
• $:Where you at?...ho.
• Jenz: Calvin Harris is talking about how good he looks in women's clothing on twitter today. And how heels could push him to over 7ft. Love him so much
• Stu: So I found out this morning that the Ducati came with a black widow
• Phil: WHAT OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY WASN'T I THERE/ Never gonna give you up.
• Jenz: Omg...Asian guy with the bad blonde dye from popscene is on the bus with me. It's like Christmas in July
• Chris: The Hana is open til 10?
• Cale: If you gotta be stitous, better be super at it.
• Kim: Bam!
• Jenz: Project i'm working on in print making just got called obscene. My life rules
• Kyle: "I figured how to make my millions, there must be a way to make ramen faster" this has been another episode of Overheard in My Living Room
• Eliz: Thatta girl!!!
• Jodi: Well hell.
• Chris: Your the family txtpert
• John: well I watched the sunrising drinking saki while my friend "Squeeky" smoked weed through a gas mask
• Jenz: Did i mention we threw underwear at Tom Jones last night? Cos we did
• Jenz: Fuck yes... I love wearing my pajamas that have a matching top and bottom
• Adrian: Just saw Santos pulling his gay across the street. The guy looks so tense with that dog.
• Phil: I'm going to seduce some stupid mission hos.
• Jenz: At what age does is become inappropriate to wear animal print? Me: 30. Then you can wear it again at 40. Jenz: Cougar!!! Shoot
• Jenz: Work has been physically difficult today...last night = success.
• Kim: I'm just saying if we asked around, a significant number of people would probably be able to provide their own chains or cuffs!
• Adrian: I just consider myself an average citizen who enjoys warm showers.
• Kyle: I find it morally deplorable that I've been reduced to using kraft cheddar cheese
• Kyle: I think we hit that point two years ago, and should in turn be canonized for the grief we have endured
• Adrian: Mmm - sounds like an awesome dinner
• Kyle: I'm making that dog cocked-head face at you
• Jodi: I was banished to the left this morning
• Kim: Communication is on! The only thing holding you back is your urinary tract!
• Fay: I see u, but afraid ur dog horde may consume mine :-)
• Kyle: I pwned Boston public transit today, win
• Kyle: When do you see whats-his-big-dick? ***?
• Adrian: Viva Mexico!
• Nate: I'm eating while i'm waiting in line to eat. Awesome.
• Chiz: Alter ego night. Oh dear
• Fay: are u enlightened?
• Nate: I just got my hair cut and i'm looking all pretty and shit. I'm gonna make bitches swoon
• Nate: The awesomeness is upon us.
• Kyle: Gettin jiggy wid it, na na na na na na na ;P
• Fay: let's get dinner then :-) I know ur hungry after wrangling 4.3 metric tons of dog today
• Kim: !!!!!!!!!
• Benha: Question- should i still try to be friends with asian girl i work with if today i noticed the crazy eyes? Need a girls opinion.
• Benha: We just walked into a southern black target, joe cried
• Corey: OMG!!!! That hotdog was ridiculously good!
• Greg: A few weeks ago a bear scored huge breaking into a blue civic and now every blue civic gets its door ripped off.
• Benha: (telling me about his car) White, like my women. Awesome, also like the women in my life. I give it a solid 4.5/5. It lost points for an ability to pick up women due to a shy horn.
• (in response to "will it be really bad if i take way too many decongestants?" i got these replies)

Steph: Yes....it will hurt your insides and supress your soul. Kim: Really clear sinuses. Benha: You can get high, possibly overdose.

• Corey: Pray for no police today
• Azian: Now that's a real shame when people be throwing away a perfectly good white boy.
• Azian: Um. More than a feeling, apparently. And really anything jon bon jovi. Can't be that drunk if I'm still drunking coherently, tho, can I?
• Chiz: I may get arrested for protesting. You are my contact. Kisses!
• Benha: Not enough orgies and drugs. MTV undressed completely lies to me
• Jenz: All Calvin Harris talks about on his twitter is food and how much of a fattie he is... another reason you two were meant for each other
• Jenz: my cousin during bingo @ his brother's baby shower: Bey-dos, Bey-dos; or, for the white people, B-2
• Eliz: Hell yeah!!! Eta?
• Fdag: Oh i got silenced didn't i. Well, call me when ure done.
• Benha: U lay down and go into a doughnut
• Benha: I feel like Steph, I went to bed at like 8 last night
• Benha: In the heat? Away from out desks and books? I don't think two nerds like us can handle that
• Benha: If u guys want to get out of the sun me and joe are rocking brunch bro style
• Heide: Found him - locked in my bathroom and gnawing on my hairbrush. he's a dumdum.
• Jenz: been at work all day, but wanted to say that whatever that thing is you're dog sitting is fucking CUTE
• Jenz: Schwaaaaat?? omg
• Morgan: Hangout fail?
• Adrian: At least he hasn't tried to eat the fish. That'll probably be next.
• Benha: Yea I'm waiting for science, once again.
• Greg: So our dishwasher broke last night. And yes, we were sad./Joe and I blame the conversation we had last night
• ???: sealed the deal with the cab driver last night...
• Benha: I just nerded out like I've never nerded out before
• Steph: Drugs? Pick up a hooker? Go to an elementary school and call some children fat. Give them complexes early.
• Benha: Apparently, ben in business casual = threat. I was patted down and everything. Love traveling.
• Jenz: going through my closet and finding cut-up shit from back in the day from my first popscene nights...can't BELIEVE some of the stuff i wore
• Greg: Time flies When you are being Awesome
• Adrian: Can't remember if Corey's racist or not. Do you guys celebrate MLK day with a day off?/Jake rather be judged not by the color of his fur, but by the content of his character. I've advised him he should go with the color thing since he lacks character, but as you know he's stubborn and not all that bright.
• (in reply to a "cacaw?" text are the following)

Joe: Moo! Greg: Cacaw

• Joe: Suzie Q, I just found your gift, I don't care if it's 3:50 in the morning, thank you :-D
• Brian/Dana: Transferring funds. Please wait until Tuesday to deposit. Can we come?
• Joe: But I'm all comfy, and in the couch
• Kim: Sweet! I just ordered a cocktail that comes with a plastic shark full of grenadine to pour in! HAPPY TEXAS
• Corey: Wow!!! It feels like 1997 all over again!
• Kyle: Its over?
• Benha: Thanks for the note I'll try to be a better person
• Lacey: Scrotasaurus says hello and Balls says DIE!
• Mom: ARE YOU SHOUTING OR JUST TAKING IT ALL IN YOU ARE PART OF HISTORY IN THE MAKING BE SAFE LOVE YOU
• Jenz: we are upstairs sitting on the alligator
• Benha: So me and joe were wondering why we r cooking tomorrow
• Danielle: Alllllllllright
• Jenz: eta, hotness?
• Jenz: yep. got way high last night.
• Jenz: i have eaten almost a whole weed cookie/ ITS NOT DOING ANYTHINK so sad
• Lissa: Heard the umbrella song. Thought of u!
• Jenz: there is a tractor parked in front of my house
• Kim: Agreed. I love ashley judd but this is making me seriously reconsider
• Kyle: Eating egg rolls and thinking of you, love
• Jenz: you better be crunk
• Jenz: i look so fucking hot right now...man...no joke!
• Chiz: Dammit 5 quarts of delectable ice cream!
• Fae: Bfd? The deuce?
• Jenz: apparently i drunk texted the grad student las night...i am a winner
• Lissa: U comin'? I want to squeeze your boobies/ What! Ur wrong! Im sad/ Okay but ill be thinking of ur hot ass the whole time
• Butter: Some friends and i were driving back from oregon and we got hit by a semi.
• Nate: Cooking frozen peas, thought of u
• Jenz: t-paaaain
• Jenz: hot hot. i miss everyone i need liquor bad.
• Jenz: oh man...bummer. have you gone dumpster diving yet in the goodwill bins? that is one of the things i miss most in the halls
• Jenz: i am totally peeing right now/ red roof inn toilet paper totally chafes though
• Jenz: i'm wearing a skirt as a dress again...
• Kim: Celebacy has been broken as of about 5am this morning..
• Jenz: awesomely CREEPY
• Jenz: i loook like a GIGANTIC hipster right now so gross
• Chiz: U busy? I want to go to the beach w the baby.
• Jenz: i finally did it. i lit a cigarette the wrong way. and i was not even drunk. goddamnit.
• Jenz: I came so hard @ Bjork
• Jenz: i'm shooting blanks now?? dang
• Butter: Im not, nobody needs to sleep with anybody, but they both want to so there is no reason it shouldnt happpen
• Ito: I put you as a personl reference. Say nice things if they call mmkay?
• Fae: Random good memory: us convincing yesenia i was in a nameless religion w/a symbol in which we held seances
• Ito: Aw that's so tender.
• Jenz: just changed my mind like 8 times on what to wear!! motherfucker i hate being a girl
• Kyle: I wish i was there to have some and be bitter about stoners with you, sounds delightful!
• Jenz: report: IT TASTES JUST LIKE THE ICE CREAM OH EM GEE
• Jenz: bad news of the night michael was there. good news of the night...i twisted his left nipple off. even better news... apologized to glasses boy! we are good
• Lissa: You have a licking problem
• Jenz: when I was changing for work i found some ones stuffed in my bra...this has not been the first time either!! SCANDAL
• ???:Thank you for making my bed
• Butter: I usually hit em with the hose
• Kyle: if you can come discuss my drag options in park back office i would be so thankful
• LilG: So basically you tried to grab my ass but you really grabbed some chicks?
• Jenz: its like spend ten bucks on a cab or on booze at pop...definitely i hate choices like this
• Jenz: I think?? SHIT'S WEIRD
• Butter: Yeah, there is one place in Hayes valley, but every jew i talk to says it isnt up to par
• Benha: Hey can i borrow ur bed for a hour
• Jenz: You better be drunk
• Jenz: playing damn girl @ sparky's in yr honor...
• Kyle: Finally on a shuttle and tims fat ass got us seats, my hero/He says it has two area codes, thats phone area codes not zip codes
• Jenz: Talk about DETOUR
• Kyle: Opposite attack/I mean attract
• Jenz: Did you ever call Claude?
• Steph: I left my tamogaotchi at ur place. Can u bring it tomorrow?
• Char: Um... thats a mighty big amount of creep. Oh well. At least i have the voice of a man with both testicles. :)
• Fae: That sounds so familiar but i don't remember.. Wait! The pig! Hahaha
• Tim: So kyle and i were talking and wondering, if i pinched ur nipples. would you ask me 2 do the other or back hand me?
• Kyle: Prof scott is falling asleep in the movie we're watching
• Kim: Fyi i'm in your bed.
• Jenz: did you show *** the nipps??/I WAS LIKE DYING TO ASK YOU
• Jenz: Currently looking at the hugest forehead I have ever SEEN...thought you would appreciate
• ***:the croissants were delectable this morning, as was waking up next to ***
• Jenz: Free beer rules
• Kyle: When are you kicking everyone out?
• Jenz: can i book your bed on thursday from 11-2..ima need it bad
• Steph: I cant be here anymore. I'll be at old navy
• Char: Dang son! Whats ur schedule like next week?
• Butter: So what bar did you go to little ms under age?
• Lacey: Sperm and wine
• Kyle: Tart to tart lives
• Jenz: beers and burritos tonight!
• Char: Dang you and your proximity to cuteness!
• Kyle: I dunno, lunch?
• Jew: Let me know when you want to go on puppy patrol.
• Char: I like it. They seem so confused. Liked the bowl shots too.
• Ito: I'm phasing out some of my friends. You're definitely a keeper.
• Ito: HP 7 available 7-21-07
• ***: I did go home, but dont worry, i was thinking of you. you wanna go on a date?
• ***: youre going to get proportionate cock out of this
• Jenz: hahahahahaha...totally forgot about that one. age aint nothing but a number.
• Kyle: Lol, i heart thee
• Ito: Permane ser sentados por favor.
• Kim: Fuck yeah. And I totaly just droped my phone on my face. Twice.