hopefully this brain-dump wil let me sleep at last.

• not knowing my make up day.
• not knowing if i have enough money for the train i must take.
• fear that i am so abnormal no one will love me.
• fear that i have changed so much outwardly, but yet, inwardly?
• crashing my mom's car and never getting to use Chino.
• i am not ever good enough for myself.
• that i am hideously gugly and fat.
• i have no money for everything i need.
• that my little brother will become as unhappy as i am.
• that i will never see alex again.
• that he and dez will rush into marriage.
• that i can't be happ with my looks.
• that everyone hates me.
• that i am being to dramatic.
• that i will end up with no one.
• that i started after being so successful.

8* that i will never be excellent at anything.

• that i will forever hold a sub-concious grudge against my parents.
• that i am just whiny and bitchy.
• i don't want to continue my relationship with a porcelin bowl.
• i don't want to miss out on anything.
• that i look like a man/ act mannish/ am not 'cute' enough.
• that i won't have enough money for saturday's show.
• i may not ever be able to parallel park/ 3 pt turn/ park.
• i can't factor real well.
• i'm gonna get fat.
• i will forever be on sleeping pills.
• i will never relax.
• rosie will never be happy.
• my surrealism isn't good enough.
• my candle will run out of wax too soon.
• i am pathetic andn worthless.