I can't help but wonder:

when the serotonin starts to balance

• will any of this have any meaning anymore?

These spurs of life and breath and sadness and overwhelming woes are almost exhilarating - I just want to feel everything. But I can't fit the feelings in

So it's better to just.. not. And when I don't, I am tranquil and simply paddle along, ignoring the boulders beneath my boat, constantly threatening to sunder and shatter my veneer. Still, in my vague awareness, I am just staring at the glassy, near frozen, but impossibly dark surface of my river. Thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts, swarming, racing, refusing to let go but there is a disconnect

• they
  • elicit
    • nothing.