I stare at the monitor screen, staring at that green dot. That dot is entrancing, comforting, inviting, but frightening all at once. All I want to do is talk to you, talk talk talk, ramble incessantly, let the feelings pour out, love, adore, admire, scream, yell, gnash, bite, claw, rend, hug, comfort, soothe, feel, know. Rather, I sit by the waysides and stare, and think, mulling over thoughts, thoughts that retract and expand, shape and shift, recoil and attack. That tortuous green dot reflects my own and my existential crisis permeates the brain, whispering and tugging, do you feel the same way? The first conclusion is a resounding NO - STOP - NEVER, it tears me to pieces and I resign. The second conclusion manages to surface, a bubbling spring filled of hope dammed shut by a stone filled with despair. The battle continues, I keep wondering, I keep hoping, I keep fighting, I keep withdrawing, I keep still and unblinking, staring at that green dot.