- watching movies of what I hoped my teenage years would be like
- old classmates from my old school having so much fun
- almost feeling a wrongness in sitting alone
- an eagerness to change: snacks at school, school notes, thoughts in a bus, clothing, devious smiles, impromptu presents, and music
- coming home on a Thursday/Friday without any plans
- desperation regarding free time: evenings that used to make me feel so expectant are now, and "forever" will be, inducers of panic.
- social media
- unanswered messages
- having memories of no-one nearby, near my heart, and near my body
- small talk
- studying without a voice to echo my mental rumination
- boredom during weekends
- no butterflies of excitement but rather of anxiety, much better-called cockroaches on fiyahhhh
- typed birthday greeting and the lack thereof
- gossip
- not celebrating holidays
- watching anime, specifically studio ghibli
- romance or fun-filled books
- movies of summer
- no inside jokes
- lack of pictures and anecdotes
may 9 2020 ∞
jul 30 2020 +