- Today, our P.E class had finished swimming and were changing in the changing rooms. A girl went out of the changing room and switched off the lights of the girls changing room. No one screamed. She then proceeded to turn off the boys changing room lights. I have never heard boys scream so loud in my life. MLIA.
- Today, my parents told me that for three months while I was seven years old, I refused to sleep unless I was curled up like a dog at the foot of their bed. If they kicked me while turning over, I threatened to pee in their bed. Go little me. MLIA
- On my way home today I saw a sign outside of a hardware store that said "Best Blowers in Town or Double Your Money Back!!" I wonder if the person who put that up realizes what an epic sign that is. MLIA
- Today, my friend got arrested for running a red light. The female police officer tells him: "Whatever you say can be held against you." He paused and said: "Tits". MLIA
- Today I was taking my dog out for our walk by the creek. A duck was right in front of us, and my dog softly barked. The duck quacked back. They carried on a conversation for 30 seconds, and then both stopped, turned, and walked away at the same time. I wonder what they were talking about. MLIA
- Today, I was in my advanced biology class and we were viewing slides we had made of our cheek cells. My biology teacher told us a story about the first year he had been teaching. A girl had made a slide of her cheek cells and had abruptly exclaimed "Mr. Barner! One of my cheek cells is moving!" He had gone over to investigate and discovered that the moving cheek cell had been a sperm. He had to leave the room. MLIA
- Today, I was arguing with my sister. She boasted that our dog liked her better. Our dog promptly jumped up onto the sofa and threw up all over her. I win. MLIA
- I was bored at Costco waiting for my food to get called up so I watched the older couple next to me eat their food. The man had Parkinson's, so when he went to pick up his cup of water, his hand twitched and he splashed water all over his wife. Her response? "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? BAPTIZE ME?!" I love old people. MLIA
- Today, I finished the last Harry Potter books. Curious as to what the spells sounded like because I had never watched the movies, I wrote "Lumos" in the narrator of my laptop. When my laptop repeated the phrase, my bedroom light which had been out for several days randomly turned on. I'm onto you, magic mac. MLIA
- Today there was an ant crawling across my computer screen while i had photo shop opened. He wouldn't walk across any of the lines but would instead follow them and go around them. I decided to draw a circle around him to see what he would do and ended up trapping him. I spent the next 30 minutes drawing an intricate maze for him to follow. Time well spent. MLIA
- Today, I was with my friend who had an eye infection, forcing her to wear an eye patch. while we were on the bus, a little boy cam up to her and asked where her her parrot was. she then replied with a very serious expression " well... my parrot pecked my eye out... so i had to kill it." the boy gasped and walked back to his mom. MLIA
- Today, I saw my little brother, who's four, staring at his hindquarters in a mirror. Suddenly he burst into tears and screamed, "I NEED a new butt!! Mine's CRACKED!!!!" I'm extremely proud to be his sister. MLIA.
- A few weeks ago, my mom made me clean the screen glass door. A bird ran into it. I happily got up to see it and I, too, ran into the screen glass door. Windex is amazing. MLIA
- Today, I was on facebook. My brother walked behind me, stopped, then walked back. He looked at the screen and said 'who is that? She's hot!'. I don't know whats worse, the fact that my brother called the girl hot, or the fact that the girl in the picture was me. MLIA.
- Today for Thanksgiving I was playing Battle of the Sexes with my family and I got a question to read for the boys. "In the Kitchen, what do you beat until it gets stiff?" My 70 year old grandmother then fell to ground in laughter. Typical Thanksgiving. MLIA.
- I have a pet bunny, Baxter, who loves do perform a little dance around my boyfriend's feet every time he enters the room. I have always been jealous of all this attention Baxter gives my BF, until today when I discovered that this "little dance" was actually a mating ritual. I understand now, I have a gay bunny. MLIA
- Today, my dad informed me that tomorrow he will be having a " bring your kid to work" day and that he is pulling me out of school just to come. My dad works from home. I love my dad. MLIA
- Next week my husband and I are taking a trip to Australia, and I was looking up stuff on Google. I typed in "in Australia" and one of the search results was "in Australia it is illegal to dress up as Batman." I expressed my disappointment, but my husband got his Batman costume out of the closet, tossed it in the suitcase and said "This will look so cool on MLIA." I am now looking forward to our trip even more. MLIA.
- Yesterday, my teacher scheduled a test that was to be taken, today thursday. I told him that we couldnt take it today because it was thanksgiving. he realized this and scheduled it for monday. I live in France, we dont celebrate Thanksgiving. I am not sure that our teacher realized this yet. MLIA
- Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. I saw him making a list of something, but he wouldn't tell me what. So, later I stole his phone to look at it. The note said this: 'Coloring book, crayons, glitter glue, dinosaur footie pajamas, chocolate, stickers, and PEZ.' I asked him what it was for. His answer? 'Possible Christmas presents for you..' I'm 17. MLIA
- Today, my friend and I decided to IM each other in all capital letters. We had been at this for about an hour when my mom asked me a question. I accidentally shouted at her. MLIA
- Today, I came home to find my new puppy had gotten into my sisters room and ripped up all her Twilight books. However, he left the entire Harry Potter series untouched. I praised him for having good taste in books. MLIA
- Today, I was driving away from a restaurant when I suddnely saw someone in a spiderman suit running around the building. Later that day, I came home to see my brother sitting in our living room, with a spiderman suit on. It turns out that he was dared to run around in the costume. He dared himself. He's 29. MLIA.
- Today I was in my Planet Earth lecture where we were learning about evolution. My professor started his sentence, "Fish are.." and at the same time everyone in the hall yelled "Friends, NOT food!" Possibly the best class ever! Thank you Nemo! MLIA
- Today when I did my usual running leap into bed, my boyfriend finally asked me why I do that every time. I explained that I am terrified of the boogyman grabbing my feet from under the bed. He told me that was ridiculous and then proceeded to walk to my bed to climb in. My kitten then attacked his feet from under the bed. Ive never heard a man scream so loud. Told ya so. MLIA.
- Today, I was listening to an overcompensating idiot go on about how large his penis was when he said "My dick is so long that if I laid it on a keyboard, it would reach from A to Z!" It took me 15 minutes to stop laughing enough so I could tell him that the A and Z keys are less than an inch apart. It got him to shut up. MLIA.
- The other day while I was in my choir class, our director stopped us mid song, yelled "FIELD TRIP!" and ran out the door. We followed him, only to end up in the boys bathroom. We're an all girl choir. We piled in and sung a song, then left. MLIA.
- Today I read an MLIA about how eating a lot of green M&Ms elevates your romance levels. My parents have a big bag of green M&Ms hidden in their room. I'm extremely freaked out. MLIA
- Today I walked into Subway. The man behind the counter asked me what sandwich I would like, and I told him I wanted a spicy italian. A man sitting in the restaurant raised his hand and said, "I'm right here." MLIA
- Today, I babysat a boy who was telling me about the girls who liked him. He said that he would never date this one girl because she liked Hannah Montana. I gave him candy as positive reinforcement. MLIA.
- Today, while in the city i was leaving a building with a revolving door. Instead of making my way out normally, i kept going around because it was entertaining me. Soon, the doorman approached me and i quickly stepped out and apologized. He said "It's okay, i do that all the time" and smiled. Im 15, he's a seventy year old guy. I guess the fun in you never leaves. MLIA
- Today, I thought it would be fun to wear my Hydrogen shirt to science class. Much to my surprise, the science teacher was wearing the same thing. We bonded. MLIA.
- Today, I began to experience the awkward situation when you and somebody walking towards you try to each walk the same way, then step aside etc. It ended abruptly when the man I was experiencing this with simply picked me up, spun me behind him, and continued walking as though nothing happened. MLIA
- Today in class a girl asked why they picked the planet Venus for "Venus Razors" name. A quiet kid I've never heard talk then said "Well do you want me to go get Uranus razors." I laughed forever. MLIA
- Today in biology class my teacher found his laser pointer. Before he could start teaching I asked him what would happen if he pointed it into the fish tank. It turns out, they go crazy chasing it. Guess what we did for the rest of the class? MLIA
- Today, I was short 50 cents for a bus ride home to see my family for Thanksgiving. Dejected, I turned to go sit on the curb. An elderly homeless man dug into his pockets and gave me the 50 cents I needed to get home but demanded that I had to give him five. Confused, I told him that I did not have that kind of money. He smiled broadly, grabbed hold of my wrist and then slapped me five before running across the street. MLIA
- Today, I found out that "father" in Dutch is "vader." You clever George Lucas, you. MLIA
- Today, I spent the better part of an hour making it so that whenever any of my family members' names are typed into microsoft word they are automatically changed to a character from Harry Potter. I also replaced "vampire" with "wizard", "Edward Cullen" with "Creepy-Stalker". This is my family computer.... I can't wait for the next person to try type up homework. MLIA
- Today I was sitting on a bench in the mall, waiting for some friends. I took out my ipod and started playing withe the lighsaber app. The 30 year old guy across from me also took out his ipod, using the same app. We had a four minute battle, ending in him pretending to die, quietly and dramaticaly. I win. MLIA
- Today, I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas to which he replied "I don't know." I told him I was going to buy him a black snuggie, myself a brown snuggie, and two lightsabers and pretend that we were a sith and a jedi dueling. He's almost twenty and I am seventeen. He thinks I am kidding. I'm not. MLIA
- Today, While waiting for my therapist to be done with another patient I was watching a little boy playing a Scooby Doo DS game. For a full 20 minutes I was watching him play until it came for him to beat a boss. 2 minutes of suspense lead to him winning and me and some random person screaming YEAH! At the same time. I looked beside him to see who it was. It was my therapist.MLIA
- Today my Dad told me that there's a hotel where you can go and stay and live like a Hamster. You sleep in hay and there are giant wheels for you to run on. I know where I'm going on holiday next. MLIA
- Today, I asked my mom to replace my shower curtains with a sliding glass door. I told her I was tired of water spilling out and the curtains ripping. The real reason? I was tired of having to look behind the curtains for a serial killer. MLIA
- Today, I walked into Hot Topic wearing my Twilight shirt. I asked the salesman if they carried an Harry Potter scarves. He quickly grabbed my arm and lifted it into the air and proclaimed to the entire store that I had 'seen the light'. MLIA.
- The other day I was flipping through my Honors Bio text book and found a page with some examples of mammals, one being a pika. I then decided that I would one day own a pika and name it Chu, that way when friends come over, I could say "this is my pika, chu." You have no idea how excited I am. MLIA
- Today I looked up Orson Wells on IMDB, and it said he was in Moby Dick in 1999. It also says that he died in 1985. I'm impressed. MLIA
- Today, I have decided that I will watch the movie "2012" in the year 2013, and laugh. MLIA.
- Yesterday, at Thanksgiving, my four year old cousin asked me, "Was Narnia made by ninjas? Because I can never find it when I look for it in closets." I love my family. MLIA
- The other day, I realized that you can select "walking" as a mode of transportation when finding directions on Google Maps. I got walking directions from Detroit to Hawaii, and once I got to California, the directions said "Kayak across the Pacific Ocean for 2273 miles". I love Google.
- A few days ago, I was walking into 5th period. No one was there, and the lights were off. I silently whipped out my pencil and shouted "LUMOS!". The lights came on. While being completely excited, I forgot that the lights were sound-sensitive. It still made my whole week. MLIA
- Today, I was babysitting a small girl on the playground. As she was going across the monkey bars, her hands started to slip and she fell. I saw this, and slid across the sand on my knees and caught her in midair. When I told her mother this, she said I was the only ninja who was allowed to babysit her daughter. MLIA
- Today, while listening to my iPod in the car (using SYNC) Party in the USA came on. suddenly, message popped up and said "Error: Bad Media." it easily made my life. MLIA
- Today i found a website called blanketfort.com which shows you how to make various blanket forts and better your fort building technique. I dont think I'll ever sleep in a bed again. MLIA
- Today I found out that there is a dinosaur with the scientific name Dracorex Hogwartsia. I'm glad to know that science acknowledges the existence of Harry Potter. MLIA
- Today, I heard someone sneezing constantly and then giggling after every sneeze. I went to investigate, expecting to see my 5 year old little brother and instead found my mother, who had just discovered that if she presses her nose a certain way it makes her sneeze. The sneezing has been going for 20 minutes now and is showing no signs of slowing down. I love my mum. MLIA
- Today, I realized that when you set your Facebook language to English (Pirate) it refers to a cell phone as a "magic squawking parrot." I'm never calling it a cell phone again.
- For a week now I have been called several times a day by the same sales call company. And for a week now I have been answering in French. So today when they called, they started speaking French. I answered in English. I hope this continues. MLIA
- Today, me and my friend were dissing each other in English class as a joke. The teacher comes around and asks if what we're talking about English-related, and asks us to continue the conversation. I drew a blank, but my friend yells out, in the most angry voice ever, "YOU'RE SUCH AN OXYMORON!" I responded, "YOU'RE THE BIGGEST IDIOM EVER!" The teacher laughed and let us off the hook. MLIA
- Today I was supposed to be painting the backdrop for a school play, which looked like a fake stone wall. I didn't have any help, and had been stuck there for the entire day painting, so I found some blood red paint and wrote, "The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir, beware." on the wall. They won't know until it's too late. MLIA
- Today, I was playing a game with my little cousin where I say an animal and he does the noise that it makes. Trying to trick him, I said snail. He meowed. Thank you Spongebob. MLIA.
- Today, I caught my mom reading MLIA. She asked me why nothing average ever happens in our life. Just then, my dad walked into the room in a dinosaur suit singing Frosty the Snowman. Never underestimate the power of doubt. MLIA
- Today, I was surfing the web. I had four tabs open: two different tabs of MLIA, one of Mystery Google, and one of Youtube with "The Mysterious Ticking Noise." My browser crashed. I think it was overloaded with too much awesome. MLIA.
- Today I was late for school. The guy on the late sheet before me put 'saving the world' as his excuse so i wrote 'destroying the world' as mine. I came in later and the next person had writen ' I was an innocent bystander, it was epic'. I love my school. MLIA
- Today, I was video chatting my friend while she was in english class. She wasn't paying attention and the teacher walked by her laptop, paused, took a few steps backward and instead of discouraging her from skyping, waved at me and continued with his lecture like nothing had ever happened. I love this english teacher. MLIA
- Today, I went to the bookstore and was disappointed to find there were no Harry Potter books in stock. Instead, there was the entire Twilight series where Harry Potter should've been. I opened the book and began to read, only to find it was Harry Potter and someone had switched the covers to trick people into reading them. Well played bookstore, well played. MLIA
- Today, I realized the voice inside my head speaks with a British accent when it gets excited. MLIA
- Today, I was in the car on the way to the zoo with my friend, her mom, and her little brothers. No one knew for sure how to get there, so her mom turned on the GPS and said "find nearest zoo." What was the first result? My school. MLIA
- While driving to my grandparents house to drop something off... i came up on a car with one of those family bumperstickers that says 'The (Insert last name) Family' with pictures of everyone and their names above it. I've always found these amusing and sped up to read it. To my surprise instead of a normal family name it said The Ass Family... Jack (husband), Kiss (wife), Punk (son), Kick (Daughter), Dumb (dog). Best Bumper sticker Ever. I drove by and gave a thumbs up, the man driving smiled and i drove away. Coolest family ever. MLIA
- Today, I watched some kid in my chemistry class steal some stuff out of the lab. I waited until the period was almost over and asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse. As I had anticipated, he said I could and told me to write a pass. I wrote "Hey, pretend this is a note for the nurse, but I saw [name omitted] steal goggles and stuff out of the lab. Sign this so I can leave and not look like a snitch." He grinned, signed it, and I left class early. I have never felt so much like a secret agent in my life. MLIA.
- Today I was riding the train to school and a large man in his late twenties walked on carrying the third Twilight book. About three people snickered as he sat down and started reading so he looked up and said "I'm only reading this so that my sister will read Harry Potter. We made a bet." I applaud his sacrifice.
- Today, while trying to get my brother's attention while he was in the midst of a video game, I realized something. He doesn't answer to his own name, or to "Help me, I'm dying," but when I yelled "BANANA!" he responded. MLIA
- This morning I called Pizza Hut and asked if they recommended Papa Johns. They said Papa Johns was excellent and gave me their number. MLIA.
- Today, I realized that for every habit I have that I think is out of the ordinary, there is a Facebook group for it. I must be average. MLIA
- Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in over a month. He had the house to himself for a weekend because his parents were on vacation. We divided his basement into two forts and proceeded to have an epic Nerf gun battle. I love him. MLIA.
- Today, I realized that MLIA is turning into a site of funny stories rather than average stories. I don't mind. MLIA
- Today, while I was watching Harry Potter on my laptop, a really intense part came up and I screamed really loudly, "RUN HARRY RUN!!!" As soon as that happened, my dad came running down the stairs in a robe and glasses, complete with scar and said "I escaped from the Basilisk, where's Ginny?" I then hear my mom yell, "HARRY I'M OVER HERE!" which my dad then proceeds to pick up my mom on his back and carry her upstairs. I now understand why I love my parents. MLIA.
- Today, my father informed me that as a child he could not use a "child leash" because I would get down on my hands and knees and viciously growl at people like a dog when the leash was on. I. Was. Cool. MLIA
- Today during dinner our phone rang and it was a telemarketer. I was really tired of them calling so I just picked up the phone and hissed and then hung up. 5 minutes later they call again and a group of people hissed back. Touche. MLIA
- Today, I went to the McDonald's drive through and thought it would be funny to order a Whopper (found exclusivly at Burger King). I was expecting the cashier would tell me my mistake and switch the order to a Big Mac but he didn't. The cashier casually handed me a Whopper after I paid. There is no Burger King in my town. MLIA
- My friend (a blonde) did an entire research project about how blondes aren't any less intelligent than people of other hair colors complete with surveys and statistics. On the day of the prsentation the overhead projector wouldn't turn on. She spent five minutes trying to fix it until she realized that it wasn't plugged in.
- Today, while my mom was making spaghetti, I informed her that when noodles are done cooking they will stick to the wall. Now, three hours later, we are still trying to clean the ceiling. MLIA
- Last year, there was a new freshman at my school who looked just like Severus Snape: thin and gangly, black hair that would fall in his face, etc. The resemblance was so striking that a lot of kids, myself included, have only ever called him Severus (which he responds to). The irony? His real name is James. MLIA.
- A few days ago me and my brother were shooting his new ak-47 paint ball gun outside at cans lined up against the gate. We couldnt hit one. Just then my grandma picks the paint ball gun up, stares for a few seconds and shoots down all 10 cans with one shot each. She hands the gun back too us and asks us to help her back up the stairs. MLIA
- Today I while messing around with my cell phone I stumbled upon my list of "quick texts." There was the usual, like "Hello," or "I miss you," or "see you later." But second to last, there was a quick text that read, "Dude, I found your egg." Why I have this particular quick text logged onto my phone remains a mystery to me. MLIA
- Today, I went to make a baked potato, but when I started cooking it in the microwave, it made a loud whistling noise. It then occured to me that the potato sounded like it was screaming, and I felt so bad for it that I took it out of the microwave. No baked potato tonight. MLIA.
- Today when I was walking down the street some girl said I looked like Edward from twilight. To mess with I went shhh and she started to get excited and asked for an autograph. I said sure if you keep it quiet. She gave a pen and paper and I wrote proudly Cedric Diggory lives on and ran away MLIA.
- Today, after years of jumping into bed after turning off the lights, I finally got a clap on clap off light. Take that boogeyman. MLIA
- Today, I was driving home and there was a little bit of traffic because of a car accident. The two vehicles involved were a UPS truck and a FedEx truck. I still don't even know how to react. MLIA
- The other day my chemistry teacher was having trouble keeping control of our class. After severl minutes of yelling at us with no effect he sat at his desk and meowed. The entire class went quiet.MLIA
- Today, I was trading your mom jokes with my friend. When I said "Your mom is easy" my chem teacher walked by, frowned, replied with "She wasn't last night", and walked away. Best teacher ever. MLIA
- Today, my friend told me that the word "gullible" was written on the ceiling of our classroom. I laughed, but as soon as she looked away, I checked. Just in case. MLIA
- Today, I saw a little old lady have trouble getting down a steep, grassy hill. Eventually, she shrugged and slid all the way down on her butt, grinning ear to ear. She must be awesome.MLIA
dec 18 2009 ∞
mar 24 2010 +