- 1/1 - Staycation on Fiesta Island
- 1/2 - Got in a fight with my brother about Marcel Duchamp (again)
- 1/3 - sooo I just found out that I'm way too late to apply to MFA programs so now I'm going to have to wait until december/january to start applying. This also means that I probably won't start school again until fall 2018 lmao
- 1/4 - I think I'm finally over him
- 1/5 - I need a haircut sooo bad
- 1/6 - hung out with paul and mare and watched Steven Universe. I kind of liked it; it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be
- 1/7- I might be over him, but I'm not over how stupid I acted. God, I'm embarrassing lmao
- 1/9 - Bumped into one of my old professors at the Jewish deli near my school. It was kind of nice seeing her again
- 1/11 - More Steven Universe with Paul and Mare. Also, I can't stop spending money??? wtf is wrong with me????
- 1/12 - Today I literally cried because someone ate my pizza...wow
- 1/15 - my whole life is filled with regret
- 1/16 - tbh i want to jump in front of a truck
- 1/17 - omg i wish i had amnesia...
- 1/19 - I'll never get over that guy calling me a "female writer". He said it so derisively too...
- 1/20 - I can't believe this is the country I'm living in. I hate that fucking monster. It makes me sick just to look at him
- 1/21 - I need to just...stop lmao I'm the worst and I hate myself
- 1/22 - I swear to god the editor at my work has a vendetta against me because she keeps sending me stories about older men trying to fuck younger girls and it's driving me insane!!!
- 1/23 - there are so many people i'm glad aren't in my life any more
- 1/24 - this is one of those moments where I like to think that I could just kill myself and not have to deal with any of this lmao
- 1/25 - I despise intellectual elitism. What's the point in being intelligent and well-read if you're not willing to share your knowledge with others?? I see so many "intelligent" people act like complete snobs and it honestly disgusts me
- 1/26 - Just got my diploma (with distinction, unfortunately I fucked up and didn't try to graduate with honors) in the mail. Pretty good for someone who is low key a moron
- 1/30 - anyway, I wish I was dead lmao
- 1/31 -I had the worst period cramps of my entire life today. Had to take 2 Vicodin just so i could stop writhing in agony
- 2/1 - still wanna die lol
- 2/2 - I can never decide whether studying literature is actually important and beneficial, or if it's just stuffy, bourgeois nonsense
- 2/4 - hung out with Paul, Mare, and Paul's bf. We played foosball and Mare and I actually won 2 games!
- 2/5 - probably should get my life together, huh?
- 2/8 - I wish I could just disappear and be collectively erased from everyone's memories
- 2/10 - I would very much like to get drunk
- 2/11 - Visited Palm Springs. In general I don't really like kids but my little cousin is pretty cute
- 2/12 - Saw some adorable owls today like omg I wish I could keep one
- 2/13 - Emailing old professors is so nerve-racking and embarrassing ugh
- 2/14 - The only thing I'm really good at is holding my liquor
- 2/15- My professor is so nice and supportive. It's going to be so embarrassing when I inevitably fail
- 2/18- Got a new phone! Also, a cute guy flirted with me?????? so....
- 2/20 - Birthday today. Did nothing but eat and eat and eat. Then, my friends came over and I ate some more. They also got me a green ink pen (because I mentioned I wanted one) and it was so sweet <3
- 2/22 - Went wine tasting in Malibu. I got to feed a zebra AND a giraffe!
- 2/26 - had a late birthday celebration with paul and mare. Ate a bomb ass burrito and a green tea ice cream sandwich. Now I'm home, wearing a face mask, ready to watch the oscars
- 2/27 - It is the year of our lord 2017, Moonlight has won best picture, my skin is clearing up, and I am feeling GOOD
- 2/28 - too lazy and unmotivated to do anything lol
- 3/1 - Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been if I didn't have a mental illness
- 3/2 - At least I don't have to read any more submissions
- 3/5 - I need to start writing again. I need to get back on track
- 3/12 - I really want to make a movie someday
- 3/16 - On second thought, watching the last 3 episodes of Penny Dreadful when I'm already depressed probably wasn't the best idea
- 3/21 - Why can't I do the simplest tasks? I have to start working on applications but even the thought of it gives me anxiety
- 4/4- I should really see a therapist...
- 4/5 - wow, I really hate myself!
- 4/12 - I've narrowed down the list to my top 5 schools and I'm honestly so terrified. I feel like I've set my sights too high. What if I don't get into any of them? Not only will it be humiliating, but I'll also have to wait an entire year to re-apply.
- 4/13 - I have such a strange relationship with my hair. The longer it gets the more anxious I become. Right now it's past my shoulders and I desperately want to cut it short again.
- 4/14 - I'm sick with anxiety. I just want to fast forward to a point in my life when I'm happy and successful and confident in myself as a writer
- 4/15 - Drinking champagne and ignoring my problems
- 4/21 - I might be having a nervous breakdown, but at least I have a cute haircut!
- 4/23 I've had an absolutely awful day, so I'm gonna spend the rest of the night getting drunk on pink wine and rewatching The Force Awakens
- 4/24 - Update on that wine: I drank the whole bottle lol
- 4/25 - I really wish I didn't have to get letters of recommendation. I feel so bad about bothering people
- 4/29 - wow I'm completely mediocre at everything
- 4/30 - spent $25 on a museum exhibit....good job, me
- 5/1 - when will I stop being so afraid of everything?
- 5/2 - In Tucson, unhappy
- 5/3 - El Paso just looks like San Ysidro to me
- 5/4 - No room at the inn. So far San Antonio has not left a good impression
- 5/5 - Saw the Alamo and some baby duckies. Then drove to Austin, but hardly saw anything because of the traffic
- 5/6 - Had a slight nervous breakdown. Later I went to my cousins wedding, which, surprisingly, wasn't horrible.
- 5/7 - Walked around San Antonio and almost got heat stroke. Then we went to the riverwalk and I became more than a little depressed by the state of the world
- 5/8 - Las Cruces is so empty. Where is everyone?
- 5/9 - Bisbee was quiet and lovely, Tombstone was rainy and cold, and Tucson was kitschy and odd
- 5/10 - Back home in California, feeling suicidal
- 5/11 - I think I've always had a thing for redheads, even as a kid. It started with Sam from Totally Spies and Dana Scully from The X-Files
- 5/12 - Today was my graduation ceremony and, honestly, I did not expect to be this depressed. It's finally over and I already miss it
- 5/13 - When will I stop hating myself??
- 5/21 - It's almost the end of May and my bitch ass needs to get back to work!
- 5/22 - Got drunk in Temecula and now I'm back home, getting ready to watch twin peaks
- 5/24 - I've been reading mostly frivolous YA novels these last few months and I only feel a little bit guilty about it
- 5/26 - thank god for opioids, thank god for $3 bottles of white zinfandel
- 5/27 - It's been years but I still miss my grandmother. She was like my second mom. Given everything that's been going on in my life, I really wish she was around
- 5/28 - Saw GOTG 2 (for the second time) with mare and paul. Later we got starbucks and played jenga
- 6/4 - Bought a twin peaks mug in Temecula. $14 and worth it
- 6/5 - I really need to study Italian. I couldn't even remember how to conjugate "avere".
- 6/17 - failure is imminent
- 6/18 - At some point I'm going to have to forgive my father
- 7/9 - why am I doing this? I'll never be good enough
- 7/11 - I should probably be more supportive, but it's hard when it feels like I'm trying so hard and he's already given up
- 7/16 - here I am, the same insufferable bitch as always
- 7/23 - Had afternoon tea in old town and I absolutely loved it!
- 7/25 - Kind of sucks that I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity lmao
- 7/26 - Finished Red Dead Redemption (finally. It seriously took me two months) and I loved it! Unfortunately, now I have to wait until next year to play the sequel
- 7/28 - Hung out with Paul and Mare and spent way too much money. We bought a D&D starter pack; I seriously don't know how we're going to play with only 3 people but it should be interesting
- 8/1 - It's August and I'm still miserable. I haven't accomplished anything that I wanted to do and I just want to go to sleep for a very long time. On the upside, I got a cute haircut
- 8/9 - charlene <3
- 8/13 - I feel so creatively drained. Half the month is over and I still need to write 18 more pages, but every time I sit down to write....nothing
- 8/15 - I'm so fucked lmao why did I do this to myself???
- 8/20 - I'm the girl with the pendulum heart
- 8/21 - Nothing is going right in my life. I feel like all my relationships are on the brink of falling apart
- 8/25 - I just love having crippling anxiety and depression! Just love not getting any work done!!!
- 9/5 -Travelling to Canada tomorrow and I can't sleep!
- 9/7 - Went to Quebec and walked around a cute little street. Then I had the best poutine ever at this brewery in St. Jerome
- 9/8 - Went to Montreal for the day. Not really what I expected but Notre Dame Basilica was gorgeous
- 9/9 - I love Ottawa! We went to the National Gallery and it was amazing. I felt so inspired! Then we took a boat tour of the canal and, later, walked around downtown.
- 9/10 Tried Beaver Tails for the first time in Mont-Tremblant. Highly recommend
- 9/11 - Took a gondola to the top of the mountain then we just walked around and admired the scenery
- 9/12 - Visited Sainte-Agathe-des-Monts. Nothing much to do there, but they have really good mango ice cream
- 9/14 - Kind of bummed to be back home
- 9/15 - Starting a diet today. Let's see how long it lasts lmao
- 9/24 - This whole process has really made me realize how useless I am. I can't even finish the simplest task without becoming overwhelmed
- 10/2 - Newport Beach at dusk is actually really pretty
- 10/3 - Spent the day on Catalina Island. I didn't see any bison but i did get a bad sunburn
- 10/7 Icekimo was probably the best part of today. Somehow Mare and I just had the worst luck with everything
- 10/9 - why didn't anyone stop me and tell me I was making a horrible mistake
- 10/10 - I'm at a very low place in my life right now. I feel lost, directionless. My self esteem is at an all-time low. My only goal is getting into grad school but I'm slowly coming to the realization that I'm horribly mediocre at everything. I feel like failure is imminent and if I don't get into any of the schools I'm applying to I honestly don't know what I'll do.
- 10/13 - It's Friday the 13th and I lost my debit card at the gas station lol
- 10/24 - Not to be dramatic, but I'm doomed to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
- 11/6 - I'm really living in my own personal hell right now
- 12/11 - San Miguel de Allende is still one of the prettiest places in Mexico, imo
- 12/12 - Really wish my Spanish vocabulary wasn't so limited
- 12/13 - I'm really freaking out about my ND app. Wish I wasn't on vacation. I could be working on it right now
- 12/14 - Visited Templo Mayor. Feeling nostalgic for a world I never knew
- 12/15 - I love Frida with all my heart
- 12/16 - Fed some fish at the beach today. They came right up to the shore whenever the waves came in
- 12/17 - Released two baby turtles into the wild. I named them Gael and Diego. Despite having a head start, Diego was still the last one to reach the ocean.
- 12/18 - I truly cannot abide the heat. I'm probably gonna die. At least the waterfalls are pretty
- 12/19 - I'm absolutely covered in mosquito bites
- 12/20 - really ready to go home now
- 12/22 - really not ready to go home now
- 12/23 - 9 hour delay. fantastic.
- 12/25 - Spent Christmas eating Chinese food and watching The Shape of Water. It was pretty great.
- 12/31 - I'm sick on new years eve...a fitting end to a pretty terrible year.
dec 14 2016 ∞
dec 31 2017 +