- I will act as GAY AS I WANT because you have never in your life been told that you are too straight. Why the fuck do you think I should have restrictions on who I am allowed to be while you have none.
- Been seeing a lot of people lately with numerous scars on the arms. Looks like they had struggles with self harm, but that is in their past and none of the cuts look fresh/recent. I know it is not something I should ever ask about, if they want to talk about that part of their life it should be on their terms. I admire their courage to show their body completely for what it is and not hide their scars/past with long sleeves. I think that takes a lot of courage. There are so many gut reactions/assumptions about people that have struggled with self-harm. YOUR BODIES ARE GREAT!!! I HOPE YOU LOVE THEM!!!!
- I don't like my job. I definitely don't hate, I don't even dislike it, but I don't like it. I don't think I am "making a difference." I could be making much more of an impact elsewhere. I don't regret coming here. I'm going to learn so much over the next year and I am going to get so much critical, hands-on experience. But I know for sure I don't want to something so bureaucratic again.
- What do I do in July? Earthcorps starts in January, so should I find some part time job for six months and do Earthcorps? I could WWOOF in the meantime? I could live with a friend for a little bit.
- Or just look for some sort of outdoor, physical labor position that starts at the end of next summer. Maybe go on backpacking expeditions with kids? That would be a dream.
- "a world without our present power structures is one of amazing possibilities, with art and play and dreams of space and life made wondrous beyond imagining."
- The other night I went out to some gay bars in Seattle with this man that I met from grindr and he introduce me to all his friends. Some of them were ok but for the most part I did not really like them at all (most of them were on their phones an inordinate amount of the night. I probably noticed this more since I didn't have my phone with me. If I had had my phone I probably would have een on it a fair bit but that's because I did not feel important to the conversation and ugh whatever). But anyway I really really hate laughing and smiling when people say things that I don't think are funny. But when I am in a new group of people that it looks really bad if I am the ONLY person not laughing. I normally do not care because that situation is an indicator that I probably am not going to like these new people, but yanno I have to spend the rest of my night with them and I don't want it to be absolutely miserable so I have to TRY to be likeable.
- In general thinking a lot about the concept of trying to be likeable. I should't have to try because trying to be a certain way on a date is not authentic and I want people to like me. I was a big baby on that date and I told him he could hang out with his friends and not me if he didn't want to (which I shouldn't have said. He invited me over and HE invited me out he should be conscious of how I am doing). I think I am mostly myself when meeting a new people (sometimes I reign it in a bit so that if it does turn into an actual relationship I can ease them into how ridiculous I can be.
nov 10 2013 ∞
nov 12 2014 +