- it's impossible for an adult not to know how to swim
- golden doodles should be called golden roodles
- most people are worse at driving than I am
- the ball drop is the stupidest way to celebrate a holiday that anyone has ever invented
- when you are dropping someone off, you must wait until they get in the door to drive away
- the best way to recover from being sick is to avoid medicine for two days, dress up if you have to leave the house, and consume no alcohol except whiskey
- salt and pepper should never live apart in a household
- a kazoo is an utter delight
- the microwave is no place for plastic
- picky eaters are being difficult
- every glass of water is my glass of water
feb 10 2011 ∞
aug 6 2015 +
aug 6 2015 +