I stole this idea from Manali. This is the kind of thing I do when I have a little too much time on my hands...

• If I were a month, I would be March.
• If I were a day of the week, I would be whatever day karaoke was on.
• If I were a time of the day, I would be 4:00am- so late it could be bedtime, but so early it could be morning.
• If I were a planet, I would be undiscovered.
• If I were a sea animal, I would be a leafy sea dragon.
• If I were a direction, I would be up.
• If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a bed, with a comfy pillowtop mattress.
• If I were a sin, I would be gluttony.
• If I were a historical figure, I would be Frank Lloyd Wright (minus the infidelity and inflated ego).
• If I were a liquid, I would be mercury?
• If I were a stone, I would be cubic zirconium- good looking, but not too expensive.
• If I were a tree, I would be the flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! (Monty Python, anyone?)
• If I were a bird, I would be a T-Bird.
• If I were a tool, I would be duct tape- willing to help out, stick close by, and always keep things together.
• If I were a flower, I would be a bleeding heart.
• If I were a kind of weather, I would be bright and sunny with a cool, gentle breeze.
• If I were a musical instrument, I would be an accordion.
• If I were an animal, I would be an elephant shrew.
• If I were a color, I would be olive green.
• If I were a vegetable, I would be a pickle- I would be sooooo delicious!
• If I were a sound, I would be the noise a record player makes when the needle first makes contact with the vinyl.
• If I were an element, I would be heart (like in Captain Planet!).
• If I were a car, I would be an AMC Gremlin- quirky, classic, and compact.
• If I were a song, I would be Oh Comely by Neutral Milk Hotel, I Remember by Yeasayer, or My Girls by Animal Collective, among many others...
• If I were a movie, I would be directed by Tim Burton or the Coen brothers, composed by Danny Elfman or John Williams, and most likely starring Zooey Deschanel.
• If I were a book, I'd be The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
• If I were food, I would be an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet.
• If I were a place, I would be home.
• If I were a material, I would be wood- durable, versatile, and unique.
• If I were a taste, I would be savory.
• If I were a scent, I would be the Buttercream Vanilla scent from Pier 1 Imports.
• If I were a religion, I would be nondenominational.
• If I were a word, I would be an adjective.
• If I were a an object, I would be a computer, as much as I hate to say it.
• If I were a body part, I would be an eyeball.
• If I were a facial expression, I would be pleasantly surprised.
• If I were a subject in school, I would be art- don't even get me started...
• If I were a cartoon character, I would be Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes.
• If I were a shape, I would be a square- because it's hip to be square.
• If I were a number, I would be two.