A collection of thoughts and words;

Love is not passive. Love is not a state that exits on its own, waiting for us to fall into.

Love is active. Love requires participation and effort.

While many people view love from a passive lens, "Love is waiting", "Love comes to those who wait" etc, having a passive view of love lessens us to creating a "lovable" personality rather than focusing on loving. Dating then becomes a form of modern capitalism or rather a mutually beneficial exchange. To participate in this is to place yourself in the personality market. The people lottery. Making yourself lovable for a specific type of person in order to "get" the love you want or the love that will mirror what "trope" or hyperreal relationship you strive for. In doing this love becomes what will satisfy your personal desires to not feel lonely. This kind of system or view of love doesn't treat people as people but instead commodities in this market. As prizes and as products to be bought with the way you've learned to speak, to act, to be simply to attract this love. Each to their own attempt to raise and increase their "market value" by tending to what others would want from them. Again, the idea of "making" yourself lovable and admirable to the type of people you want to attract. (Inserts from "The Art of Loving -Erich Fromm")

Modern Times

Men are slowly changing into a more "lovable" form of themselves. In "healing" from toxic masculinity and accepting a softer side. This in itself has a positive response from most women in today's society which goes to say that the act of adhering to changing social values to become more desirable in the market is very present in today's times. Toxic masculinity has taken an insidious new form.

Society praises these people for becoming a better commodity to soothe our awareness of our existential loneliness.

Someone who thinks love passively would think "how do I become loved" versus someone who thinks love actively would think "how do I love": When relationships end, people tend to focus on how to improve their lovability. Whether that's working out more, doing your hair, advancing your career or even full-face makeup. "Post-breakup glow up" one search, is all it takes, and you see it everywhere.

TBC