i figured id write one of these since im like a decade late to the listography party.. but i want to reflect. also im procrastinating studying for the ap euro exam because thats going to bust my balls open. id like to highlight my jakequiros friends the most, ive never been in such a tight-knit mismatched group of internet friends before, i adore them dearly. although i dont speak much anymore they still have my back, which is just so sweet i dont deserve that. theres fond memories of staying up talking about the most mundane topics, theyve made me smile and laugh countlessly. even looking back the twitter fiasco was pretty fun and brought us closer if you ignore the shitload of anxiety i felt. i used up data i saved up for years to talk to them between class periods. i love them a lot. as for my irl friends.. i feel like we're more distant than ever before. but i think i can associate that with the quarantine for now. i know theyll still be there for me when i get back and im content. my friends on my spam account are also so dear to me, i never feel lonely. their comments and support make me laugh and so so happy. i feel bad tho because my homies posts never show up on my own feed.. GFHSKFBSGDJSH friends are just divine (T__T) ♡ mental health wise i think im.. okay. not the best, honestly probably nearly as low as five years ago which i consider the worst time of my life except now lacking the internalized biphobia lol. but escapism is doing me fine, and as much as i dont want to admit it kinning is helping as well. im proud of what ive done this year, i finally shifted my mbti to enfp, i removed myself from relationships that i was constantly feeling atrocious in. of course i still think about it months after with crippling guilt but ive realized it was probably better for the both of us. i realized im guilty a lot.. almost every waking moment. it can be for things like owed art im putting off or not answering dms right away or not spending time with mom or not being on my art account or not doing schoolwork. REALLY struggling with schoolwork right now. ive built this terrible mechanism of starting assignments after theyre due to save myself from timed deadlines. i wish to stop this, i hope it doesnt carry over when school starts again. this summer is going to be so sad for me.. the homies cant come over on the fourth of july. thats been the only day i feel alive & a carefree teenager for years now. we promised we would until the end of high school, so it upsets me that its not possible this year. i desperately wanted to go to the department store & be denied firecrackers and walk around the lake & go on omeagle & watch the fireworks again. truly i feel the most for incoming freshmen and seniors.. im nervous to welcome them to high school in link crew since im laughably incompetent. i would have gotten the chance to look off into the ocean in cali if ms.rona hadnt come. i wanted to feel like mio. counting down the days to l'etranger de la plage gives me the most sense of time lately. i know ill watch it with ana vicky and rachel because theyre dearies. AH SHIT i just realized im probably never going to see heer ever again what the fuck. i havent seen jady since december 8. im so fucking sad now. i just want this e-learning to end already.. only seven days left and then i can have sleepless nights that dont have schoolwork in them. i should start the ap review now, goodnight.