hi. I don’t really know how to start this one off.. i haven’t written in longer than i would’ve liked and don’t know where i left off. That’s ok. I haven’t physically written in my diary in almost a calendar year by now too. I think around august? I had a lot of health problems the past year, i think from originally getting piercings in the spur. I don’t regret getting them though, even if it did fuck up my entire 20’s year. The only thing i would like in terms of quality of life right now is to be able to sleep on my cheeks at night.. i basically have everything i want. I’m pretty spoiled I’ve realized, and I’m one of the few lucky ones who have parents who genuinely care, even if my mother has irrevocably fucked me up internally. I’m still unlearning habits picked up from her, it’s a slow process, but I’ve made progress. I can now analyze every little thing and motivations, and now more than anything i feel pity towards her more than malice, and resentment for not getting help for herself and pushing those same harmful habits on me. I don’t really have anyone i despise right now. It feels strange, not having someone to hate to fuel a good majority of my desires. I have a loving girlfriend. I love marina!!!! Kitty.. it feels reciprocated and i don’t want to get ahead of myself but if i could have him as a life partner i would. Possibly forever. I think he feels the same way, but it all feels kind of big right now, but also not at the same time. We tangle together easily and ‘relationship’ doesn’t always feel that way— more like a best friend who is also my girlfriend. I love Lillian and amisha……… every one in my close circle. This much hasn’t changed. I have become jaded. Maribel mentioned it over ramen dinner and its true, but i don’t like most people. Not because i hate them, but because they don’t align with my…… aura???? I think I will come back and write more on this later. But wait that beats the entire purpose of it being an annual reflective response fuck……… tldr my life is easy and good right now. I am not worried for the future because i have good support systems and everything always ends up working out for me. This spring break was so hectic i didn’t have a singular day to sleep in and bed rot.. that’s fine. I like being up and on the move, but I’ve really been having sleep issues lately. My 11 pm naps are turning into 3 AM wake-ups. On the days where i can do that it completely fucks up my sleep. I know the solution is to just take the damn shower and then collapse into bed but it’s so hard………… schoolwork kicking my ass……… per usual. I’m sick of being mentally disabled. I think it’s finally getting through to me that my limits and development is different for most people, and my mother definitely didn’t help with it. I wish i could know what person I’d be if i wasn’t different. I’ve been getting into clothes lately! Have always been into jewelry but now i finally have enough of a frontal lobe and watch enough fashion content to develop my own style disregarding yearly alternative trends. I also think I’m becoming more comfortable with femininity, just through jewelry and midi skirts. I still need the beomgyu hair………… so fucking good. I love getting home from a hard long (haha) day and having my cuuuute hot sexy girlfriend get excited and motorboat my boobs