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- (Talking about GSA meetings) Cameron: No gossiping at meetings!
- Lizzie: What if it's about Britney Spears?
- Cameron: "You're talking about Britney Spears?!? No cookies for you!" No, of course, celebrities don't count!
- Logan: But if they're talking about Katy Perry, you should give them more cookies.
- (I drew a picture of my sister as a lesbian and I didn't draw her scarf right) Kaitlin: I'm so gay I make my scarf look straight!
- (Walid had bust a hole in my other friend's wall) Imad: We should fill it up with animal crackers!
- (We were at Denny's and these Muslim guys walk in) Nic: OH MY GOD IT'S TERRORISTS! THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW THIS PLACE UP! THERE WILL BE SYRUP EVERYWHERE!
- Matt: (Impersonating Imad the Janitor): Hi, this is my wife, Sheila the Broom.
- (talking about some kid who peed in the pool) Me: He doesn't like Mexican babies in corners
- Kaitlin (not my sister): Why did he pee in the corner?
- Linda: LEMONADE!
- Me: Yeah...maybe some lemonade...but thankfully, no brownies!
- Nathan: Me and Kelly were walking home and we were drunk and Kelly said that if we nodded our heads, that we would sober up faster, so we were walking down the street, bobbing our heads, and she walked into a fucking pole!
- Dumb girl in my history class: Did you know that Lewis and Clark invented the airplane?
- Mark: Dude, go to college, or else you'll be flipping burgers at Taco Bell!
- Linda: (Andre was holding a grocery basket) You look like a little mommy!
- (talking about the King plays that Shakespeare wrote): Aaron: I just can't wait to be king!
- "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flare that they made the Jews wear." - Office Space
- "I just think it's weird that one group took refracted light. That's pretty greedy, gays." -Demetri Martin
- (we were checking our bag after going through the drive-thru at Burger King) Mom: Do you have your chicken tenders...or chicken dinosaurs or whatever?
- (Bowflex commercial) Guy: I gave my fat clothes to my fat friends.
- (people were throwing around books at Warped and one landed near us) Guy: WTF IT'S A KORAN!
- (Walking on the track in PE class, we pass by this guy chasing another guy) Chaser Guy: Come on, man! You gotta let me fuck your girlfriend!
- (Art class, 7th grade. We had gotten an assignment back, and Patrick got a 90. Unfortunately, it was upside-down.) Patrick: Why did she draw a penis on my paper?
- Demetri Martin: I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.
- Demetri Martin: "If you don't know the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you're FAT!"
- (We were walking around the Miller Outdoor Theater when I heard this) Guy: There was a dead body...IN THE MIDDLE OF WESTHEIMER!
- (I was trying on clothes at Urban Outfitters and I saw this on the door) Animal Collective <3
- (freestyling at church back in 8th grade) John Lacy: Just like bricks, I get laid!
- Dustin: Why is there a whole week dedicated to sharks?
- John: Why is there a whole month dedicated to blacks?
- Phil: Dude, I got real bored...so I wrote Satan really big on my arm ..but my dad made me wash it off.
- Willie: This is Brie. She likes paintings. She even dressed up as one!
- Brandon: That's right. Brock doesn't have to impress anyone, because he won the 1976 National Burp Battle!
- Brock: 1976? I was 6 years old!
- Me: That's even more impressive.
- Anything Mr. Miller says
- Kaitlin: I like how it feels in my mouth, but I don't like the taste in the back of my throat (for the record, we were talking about Skittles)
- Willie: I miss fucking you guys.
- Scott: We didn't even get sushi! We went to some chicken place!
- Linda: Oh my God, Brie, he looks just like you! He's like a boy version of you! Ya'll have the same smile! It's so creepy!
- John Lacy: When in doubt, regurgitate your lungs onto his stomach...sorry, that was the death metal speaking.
- Santos: I tried to hang myself, but I made the roof cave in, and that's why we got evicted.
- Maggie: Whenever my friend Alicia is on her period, I don't want to be anywhere near her.
- Jake: Yeah, Willie's the same way...
- Amanda: How do you say lobo in Spanish?
- Justine?: He's awkward....like grab-your-dick awkward.
- Taylor: Is it a scene kid?
- Daniel: Sort of... (does crucifixion pose)
- Me: IT'S JESUS!
- Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Daniel: We are discovering our bodies!
- (we were talking about the handkerchief code) Brandon: You're a light blue...which is the worst thing of all time....COCK AND BALL TORTURE
- Me: I knew you were going to say that!
- Lizzie: WTF WHY DOES BRIE KNOW ABOUT THAT?
- Brandon: Oh great, I'm going to be an alcoholic bondage addict.
- Random girl in the hallway: Sorry that I don't tan naked!
- Linda: There's this kid who creeps on me and his name is Mark.
- Me: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
- Linda: Wait...how do you know him?
- Me: HE STALKED ME TOO!
- Anissa: I AM THE GAME.
- Kaitlin S.: Well call me Stephen Hawkings, creator of the universe!
- Jake: I was adopted by black people, so therefore, I'm gay!
- Me: wut.
- Raven: Calm down, Michelle!
- Katy: My name's not Michelle...
- Linda: And then Boob...I mean Brie, was like...
- Katy: You see, I have a problem with the toilet part...can you go pee for me?
- JJ: If you don't stop, I'll tell the whole class about your penis-drawing problem.
- Azn Josh: Then, I'll tell the whole class about your penis-sucking problem.
- hai I'm John Race and I'm dumb
- John Race: If I ate paper, I would be so fat...or so skinny. I don't know how that works.
- John Race: I want to be a pilot, but I don't know what to do. Do I just like...go to the airport?
- John Race: Wow okay I'm skipping tomorrow!
- Me: Tomorrow's Saturday...
- sat tutoring moments
- Darren: Are you coming in on Spring Break?
- Me: I can't.
- Darren: WHY NOT.
- Me: I'm going to NYC.
- Darren: You should go on Good Morning America and hold up C2 sign.
- James: Can I have a help?
- James: What language are you?
- Brandon: Brie, what does bodacious mean?
- Me: It means voluptuous.
- Brandon: Oh, because that's the word I'd use to describe you.
- Darren: Are you coming in on Spring Break?
- Jack gets his own section (bc i hate him but he was kinda funny)
- (I was showing Jack my Our Town bracelet.) Your school's fancy. Here, we just have to remember. (he pointed to his head.)
- I have a powerpoint about Jesus on my flash drive. If you don't, that means you aren't a good Christian.
- (Jack is freaking out because he can't find his canvas)
- Me: Maybe your maid took it?
- Jack: I would smack a hoe.
- I was never a big fan of Hitler.
- (freaking out because he didn't expect to see me in Austin) And I was like...and ugh....HOLY FUCK IT'S YOU.
- so does Josh
- What about...chicken fries?
- (I was talking about my plans to be a cat lady) Only 50? C'mon Brie, you can do better than that!
- (He wanted to relay a message to my cat) Tell him meow meow meow. He'll know what it means.
- You wouldn't download a lady!
- Why do you like me? Like...I don't even like me.
- Yeah Anil was like "Heyyy she's hot! and I was like "Dude not cool!"
- (He had eaten a really unhealthy sandwich that had a ton of bacon and sausage in it) It's okay, because it was on whole wheat bread.
- They're extinct. You can never be one.
- C'mon, listen to some Little Wayne!
- Jack in the box's doo-doo tacos made me sick!
- Sorry this is a troll-free zone.
- I wish math rock would make me better at math.
- senoritis? i've had that shit for years!
oct 17 2010 ∞
nov 12 2013 +
nov 12 2013 +