My out of control mind at work

• China is making Americans addicted to caffeine and then they'll suddenly make it all disappear, then everyone will fall asleep and they'll take over
• Fishing? Seriously? That hobby does not make any sense to me.
• Why is it such a big deal to eat a garnish? Sometimes it tastes good.
• If I was ever going to put a flag in my front yard it would be a flag representing me
  • Why do people put a large flag pole in their front yard? Can't they just have a smaller one?
• I want to spend a whole day using proverbs (Don't put all your eggs in one basket). Even if they don't make sense in the context I use them.
• Can a bicyclist get a speeding ticket in a subdivision?
• Does cutting those plastic ring things do anything since I don't live by a body of water?
• If my baby came out a cyclops I would donate it to science
• In my future home, I want a polar bear outside that will kill people I don't like. I also want a moat filled with box jellyfish because they're more deadly than sharks
• I hate the word soul for two reasons:
  • Whenever I hear the word soul I picture a big black guy saying it.
  • I also think of a southerner saying 'sold' but it comes out like "I sol' all my eggs at the market".
• Why are we blessed when we sneeze, but we need to be excused when we burp? Both are bodily functions.
• Sleeping is stupid. Why would I ever want to do an activity where I lay alone in the dark for hours. I'm just doing the minimum from now on.
• What if cars were invisible so it would just look like people flying around in the sitting position?
• What if there was a town of twins?!
  • Make the entire town symmetrical
  • Separate into "good twin" side and "bad twin" side
  • Put a non-twin in there and make it a competition to find them
• What if, one morning, the sun didn't rise. That would change everything we thought to be absolute!
• Walking through Ann Arbor is like real life frogger
• I hate hearing about people's dreams
  • They didn't actually happen.
  • Analyzing them is a waste of time. You interpret for what you want them to mean.
• There are many similarities between J and the band Weezer.