obody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -Conan O'Brian

"Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion." -Tina Fey

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. -Ben Franklin

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car."

"The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity." -Harlan Ellison

"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." -Le Petit Prince

"Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings." -Heinrich Heine

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all." -Oscar Wilde

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." -The Wizard of Oz

"Vodka's like black, it goes with everything." -ERRATICA"

"Did you try looking under the sofa in HELL?" -Buffy

Amy: You're not gonna go around killing people are you? Me: I don't have a gun...

"There's a little hobo inside us all." -Kate

"Mondays were created by the devil so he could shit on you." -Jason

"God damn hoodlums!...Are the windows open?" -Kayla

"It's like a dog chasing it's tail, only there's no tail and no dog..." -Ashley

"You can't tame me, I'm a wild pony! NEIIIIIIGH!" -Me

"Dear God, I hope it's a serial killer..." -Me

"I just saw the country fried steak and it was like breasts..." -Eric

"I would sell my body to the night for a comma..." -Kathryn's sister

Learning is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

Never trust anyone over 10 in pigtails.

Amy: My stomach hurts... Me: Probably from eating my carrots. Amy: No, it hurt before. Me: Maybe you're psychic...

Memento Mori "Remember you are mortal"

Me, holding my new iPod: I love it! Now if it just had a little version of Kevin in it to talk to me when I was lonely, it would be perfect! Amy: No, then it would be an iPhone Me: It WOULD be an iPhone!

Me: I know sex so well, they gave me 5 extra points! Rob: It's like they fisted you with points!

"It's presumptuous to tell a person that they don't exist." -Dr. Fritz Klein

Kev: What is this shit? Me: Fall Out Boy. Kev: God, it sounds like a towel on a car door.

"Last thing I need is horny robots runnin' around trippin' over shit." -"The Devils Rejects

Kev: Why don't you call work and tell them you aren't gonna be there. Me: They already know. Kev: How? Me: I'm not fucking there.