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- was going to talk about family
- tension at home, lack of much emotional closeness, reject many of the ideals
- but depressive moods have gotten a lot worse
- low self-esteem
- i don't like myself
- i have a list of things i like about myself, but it's not helping
- i don't know who i am
- i don't like myself
- lethargic
- went through monday in a daze
- i hate mondays--how to deal with mondays?
- don't know what functioning is
- don't know how to actually deal with depressive moods
- actually kind of okay when outside (beautiful weather) and hanging out with friends (people i like/future roommates) at the beach
- so: have been okay and content, but
- very not stable: i go from okay/almost-content to so so lethargic
- need to cry, badly
- can't remember last time i did (december?), which is a problem
- just want to cry whenever i'm alone
- lonely, afraid of everything, and sad
- always so tired, but not necessarily sleepy-tired, just very weary and very low energy
- no motivation to do things
- writing essay is the most difficult thing
- wrc handout about procrastination!
- all the problems, should be helpful to keep reminding myself, but almost no progress (it's so late right now)
- hard to rationalize with myself when i'm struggling with writing and starting to write
- probably asking for an extension, which upsets me
- i have, i think, four books waiting for me--which i really want to read, but i can't even read anymore, haven't got through even a chapter of pleasure reading
- i don't even know what it's like to not read, though i can remember learning to
- nothing seems to hold my interest anymore
- i feel like not existing, or i mean, want to not deal with this anymore, i can't live like this, i'm barely functioning
- in a daze, feel rather like a shell of a person
- anxiety seems to have improved (lost some of my anxious habits, like drumming-motions), but maybe another medication will help with my depressive moods more?
- but also, don't know how to deal with depressive moods
- part of me wants to just accept it--that i'm feeling that way in that moment
- but i feel just awful, and i hate feeling this way, and it makes it so hard to do things
- and i just want to lie in bed and sleep, but i don't want to actually be just spending all day in bed and unable to do anything
- i don't even feel like i need sleep necessarily, just that i'm really tired and weary, and anything is better than having to be awake and doing things
- i feel like a shell and am just in a daze all the time
mar 28 2012 ∞
oct 23 2013 +
oct 23 2013 +