— january: back to school and this time there's plenty of subjects i'm interested in, like genetics, molecular biology and hematology. rewatched shingeki no kyojin from the beginning to watch the new (and last) season and remembered why it's one of my favorite animes. also read the shingeki no kyojin manga and cried a lot.

— february: went through my first surgery and realized how important it is to take care of myself. i started reading alot again. my father gave me a flower in valentine's day. i read a book for each day in february. i had a panic attack. i visited my grandparents' home and saw a little part of my family and remembered that i am loved.

— march: ended the an ember in the ashes saga and cried many tears because my baby helene aquilla deserved better. i took care of my sister's pets (a dog and two cats) for a week and experienced living alone–wich i found very lonely. my leo sister is pregnant with a baby girl. one of my friends from high school got engaged and it felt... weird. i dyed my hair for the first time in my life!

— april: since the month started i have been watching and reading all sorts of dc comics related things... no regrets. constant jason todd and dick grayson brainrot. i cried because i'm lonely. i saw my friends from university and had a great time–i also felt very pretty.

— may: it's only may 4th and i've been crying everyday since the month started because school is slowly tearing me apart. in the midst of all hopelessness i found a way to find myself between the art of my own writing. all of gfriend's members left their company... i feel empty as i witness one of my favorite k-pop girl groups who i have been supporting since 2016 going through this. i've been crying a lot because i keep reading and watching about love stories that will never happen to me. and i keep crying because things have been going wrong in my family.

― june: discovered the charms of the boyz. spent the whole weekend with my family and had a good time dancing. i went to the beach and visited the ocean. i also will be staying with my sister in another city for the summer and i think it will be good for my mental health. i got vaccinated. everything is peaceful yet empty. in the last day of june i wish things were different.

― july: i'm desperate for a change. watching my sister and her friend's kids makes me want to have children of my own–though it lasts only a little bit. after seven years of wanting to do it, i finally read the a song of ice and fire saga by george r. r. martin. i still wish things were different.

― august: once again i cried for the lack of romance in my life, but that's kinda my fault because i've been reading romance books non-stop. start of a new school year, and i'm really trying to be good at it. literally the only artists i've heard this month are red velvet and taylor swif.

— september: i finally realized that with my own problems and terrible thoughts i not only hurt myself but others too who are close to me. i had the worst breakdown in the peak of realizing that my life is more sad than i actually thought—although i'm hoping this is my fall before i rise.

— october: ordered my first k-pop physical album. spending time with my family, having little moments of sadness but, with the help of my psychologistm i'm able to overcome them.

— november: taylor swift broke my heart with all too well (10 minute version). saw eternals at the movies and became obsessed with it and its characters. it's already november 15th and i don't know where the days have gone. during the last days of november iv'e been more busy than in the whole year.

— december: my first holidays while being in therapy and i have already learned to accept things i can't change and notice things that weren't there before, resulting in me havnig a peaceful christmas and new year's eve with myself.