———— january

• 1st. the hope of a new year is fresh, although i’ve been feeling a little anxious because there’s still things (things that i’ve been carrying heavily in my shoulders) that’s left to do regarding university. 5th. a little obsessed with the k–drama death’s game and its actors—especially go yoon–jung and kim ji–hoon. 7th. i’ve been returning to my anime roots and reading manga that i used to enjoy in the past. 25th. slowly beginning to start reading more, thanks to the book one dark window that made me believe that the kind of fantasy that i like is not truly gone.

———— february

• 3rd. i started writing again! it was an idea that i had last year that came again to me. 7th. i joined a book club with two of my friends that also like to read! even though it kinds of makes me anxious to let other people in, i’m excited to talk to other people about books. 10th. had a mental breakdown because of physical problemas that i’ve been recently dealing with—i think that it got to me really bad because the problem is in my face. 13th. i bought myself a kindle! so happy for this because for three years i’ve wanted to have one, but just never got to it. 14th. this valentine’s day i was a little bit bittersweet.

———— march

• 1st. i got the rest of my wisdom teeth removed and, even though i’m in a lot of pain, the attitude of my mother regarding my wellbeing made me feel very appreciative of her and i realized that, because we’d have problems in the past, i never gave her the credits of taking care of me (even though it’s in her way). 8th. ariana grande released her new album eternal sunshine and it has me feeling a lot of things. i cried a lot because of it and because of my anxiety. i know better, but i blame de moon in pisces. 30th. spent the most wonderful time at the beach with my family on my biological father’s side the last six days. as always, i felt part of the sea and the sun in my skin made me realize that life is, truly, worth living.

———— april

• 9th. the total solar eclipse in mexico has me thinking about a lot of things, such as the fact that when there is one like this again, i will be around 52 years old. i saw this year’s eclipse with two people that i hold dearly to my heart and i hope it will be like that in the next one. 10th. it’s been a week since i started exercising to improve my fitness (and to have a hot girl summer body, tbh), and even though it’s hard at times, i’ve felt good about myself—also, so excited about taylor swift’s new album next week! 19th. the first time i listened to the tortured poets department i feared it wasn’t going to be what i thought it would be until taylor, being the crazy woman that she is, released a second part of the album with fifteen more songs that, indeed, fascinated me. they reminded me a lot of the folklore and/or evermore era and two songs (“i hate it here” and “the prophecy”) were the ones that reminded me how much taylor understands me (i also cried the first time i listened to them). however, because of those two songs (and the fact that i’m due to menstruate next week and the symptoms are slowly revealing), lately i’ve been feeling anxious about my future. 20th. i asked god or the universe for a sign, and even though i was the one who made the request, i was still surprised when i came across a swan. 21st. probably had one of the worst meltdowns i’ve had in a very, very long time and, of course, it had to do with my future. the crisis was so bad that i remember thinking it could be a manic or a psychotic episode because i literally could feel my sanity drift away. i came out of it the next morning, though. very humbling experience, 00/10, would not recommend.

———— may

• 07th. i literally got sick for the last three days... the cold didn’t hit me as hard as it could have been, but every time i get sick i’m shocked because i can’t believe my body would betray me like that, lol, and, speaking of betrayals, i found new meaning to taylor’s song “the smallest man who ever lived”...