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• sleeping enough and well
• scrolling on insta and tiktok
• trying to get the prius fixed
• making meals occasionally
• snapping my nanhyal fam
• taking siblings to doc appointments
• vaping a lil bit
• tryna finish onboarding to scribeamerica
• meeting in libraries with Jer to teach her english
• switching between opened hair and tied in a pony
• moving from room to room because I don't have one right now (the catsss)
• I'm open to learn cooking :)
• deciding between going outside with or without hijab on some occasions where I am not with fam.
• going cloth shopping with lil sisters.
• accompanying ahad as he learns to drive (he's pretty good alr)

• go to macy's backstage to shop with my mom and sisters
• go to aldi with my mom to buy groceries
• go to subzi mandi to get groceries with my mom
• go to the movies with my siblings and cousins
• have a family get together at phupo's house and reminisce about the days we lived there.
• celebrate a birthday together at mamu's apartment.
• take my little sisters and jannat to dollar tree, bubble tea, and wawa.
• pray a jummah at gclea with mom (IMMA CRY RN BIYATCH WHY IS SUDDENLY EVERYTHING JUST LIKE...WORTH DOING)

• lip balm for aatqa
• iphone for faiza

• ye zaroori nai hy (mom) for things like hobbies or movie nights or eating from outside
• allah khaliq hy allah malik hy allah raziq hy, zameen o aasman allah ny bnay - abbu
• apny sy neechy walon ko dekho, upar walong ko nai _abbu

• astronaught
• highschool science teacher
• lawyer
• phycisist
• surgeon / psychiatrist
• pediatrician specializing in psych

• I first signalled and then confessed to a guy that I liked him. It was fun at first, exciting to a degree I never imagined, then before and after the climax (confession), it turned painfully yearnfully intensely sad. At the end, it turned pleasingly sober and innocent.

• 517 on the MCAT
• 3.9 GPA STEM graduate
• Drove in Kashmir summer 2025
• Left Niqab behind
• Gotten U.S. citizenship

• Drive

find out how much money for rent

• Sing (ek hazaroon myn)
  • arrange a mic with speakers (mehendi)
• Take GOOD pics
  • remove pics or buy storage to have enough space
• HAVE MONEY
  • create an account or sm (DAD'S HELP)
  • take debt or whatev you gotta do; you must fulfill her wishes

self management

• bring coffee

• Catherine and Heathcliff

• good overall achievement in class
• good grade achievement in math
• good progress in spanish
• good overall achievement in class

• The book of disquiet
• One hundred years of solitude
• wuthering heights

• all the free time is spent in parents room with other siblings
• I call any relative that is not close to me
• I cook healthy food for my parents
• I go to work; I help patients; I write about patients in my personal notebook
• I call the patient and reassure them at their house; I even visit them if they want me to
• someone asks me for money from Pakistan, i send it soon
• I take siblings to a park
• I stalk the boy I like on insta
• I visit phup with dad; bring something to eat
• I fill out paperwork for lk and tphup
• sibs call me looking for advice/help
• We play ludo and watch drama

• that the natural world can be studied and laws can be revealed (physics etc)
• that thinking and acting both exist in the same world; they seem to belong to two different universes
• dimensions; the fact that we can't see the objects that could be co-existing with us in bigger dimesions
• how good one can be at writing to connect with oneself, yet bad at writing to connect with someone else
• how social and psychological concepts can be real and unreal at the same time
• how animals can be male-dominant or any type of dominance
• that we will cease existing one day, no longer existing with our family
• how much one can desire without being motivated to fulfill that desire
• how much mental phenomena is just neurotransmitters and biochemimcal and sociologi...

• persuasion
• wuthering heights

• be really kind to people
• be kind to yourself too but need my reassurance
• be ambitious, have projects that make you excited
• be realistic optimist prone to short waves of despair
• teach me something and praise me
• admire my work
• be especially attentive to the needs of the minorities or oppressed people

• animated videos
• poetry
• songs
• painting

• Playing with cousins
• Getting new school supplies
• Getting ice-cream from the ice-cream truck
• Watching movies together
• Playing on the roof
• Having the nicest older cousins
• Mom combing our hair in the sun-shone room.
• Going to nearby shops in city and village
• Quran with qari sabs/sahibas
• Travelling to and from Kashmir

• Sometimes when people hurt us, it's just their way of expressing their own pain. Atypical
• You may have unhomied me, but I never unhomied you. Atypical
• "Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." – Thomas Jefferson
• "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E.B. White
• "I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human." - David Bowie
• "Pride is more linked to our own opinion of ourselves, and vanity, to what we think others think of us."
• "There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflec...

• that I might delay having kids so much that I no longer have enough time to spend with them due to career establishment and commitments.
• this is a heavy topic, i leave it for another day

• we can ask cultivate knowledge and understanding by asking questions and clarifying what another person is saying. this is a skills not many think worth developing but makes you shine.
• you can love someone without wanting to get too close to them / commit to them in a way that wouldn't preserve the love you have for them.
• their personality really captures the whole brain, while the eye can get hooked on any random piece of beauty on the person.
• too much of a difference between the levels of yearning for each other will likely create resentment in the one who is giving more. never a stable ground for relationships.
• in a committed relationship, love is like heat. if ur hot (passionately sacrificial and giving) most of the time, you are i...

• persuasion

• to find my tolerance level of my inherited religion and culture.
• to convince myself that I can become a good doctor
• to find my clothing and hair style
• to be financially able to move out

NOT CAREER-WISE

• sing well
• violin
• growing money with compound interest and stocks
• dressing well according to my standards

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• a culturally muslim but spiritually nonchalant nonproblematic person
• does house chores habitually
• preferably has a loving and fun family with a lot of women
• preferably NOT older than me
• preferably speaks urdu with ease
• preferably sings/likes singing
• short is fine, cz so am I
• not rich is fine

• Fernando Pessoa
• Emily Bronte
• Jane Austen
• Trevor Noah
• Anne Frank
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• run on that machine
• do planks regularly
• make more money and spend it more
• go to voice doctor
• become honest with parents
• learn to say "I don't feel ready"
• learn to balance thought and action
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• Kale
• Mushrooms
• Potatoes
• tomatoes
• chilli

• kind, very kind
• having opinions, but never ones that dehumanize people
• being able to act on responsibilities without thinking too much
• not being too sure of their style; being gentle and open
• being my peace

• rmy voice
• long-term goals and planning (motivation)
• feeling connected to various people
• trusting people even close to me (im scared that I am naive and most people may hurt me if I trust them)
• having mixed feelings about my friends. once I find them wise and genuine, then I think them clever and ungenuine.
• forgiving people for little things they did and may not do anymore
• playing with my little sisters; I am not motivated
• creating a good relationship with my family members of close and far type. I am too pessimist to think it is good to create good relationships actively with average humans.

• being kind and giving without conscious ulterior motives
• having self-esteem/respect
• being honest with myself and close ones
• balancing act with thought
• caring about skin and clothes
• cooking/ taking adultish responsibility at home
• having fun

• l khala
• Nj
• Mm
• biya

• offer food to others
• listen to others
• smell nice
• make witty jokes
• acknowledge each other's good qualities
• express themselves
• have a favorite song/food
• care about me
• laugh loud
• talk in another language comfortably
• are different
• are clean
• need a little help
• apologize
• produce something inspirational
• compliment others
• can't stop laughing
• smile at strangers
• have a big personality

• something that makes you get up and exercise
• a different toilet seat that doesn't spit water on your butt when you take a dump
• something that allows you to be deaf for a while
• women-dominated video games
• healthy delicious snacks
• something other than glasses or contacts to improve/restore vision

• Har garhi ay dil na yun ashkoon ka darya chahiye/ daastan jesi ho wesa sunny wala chahiye.
• Meei surat hi kahani hy dil e nashad ki/ hy khamoshi bhi meri sail teri amdad ki. (Ala e yateem)
• Karwan sabr o tahammal ka hua dil sy rawan/ kehny aya hun myn apny dard o gham ki daastan
• Aik hi saff myn khary huve mahmood o nayaz/ na koi banda hua na kii nawaz.
• Lutuf mrny myn hy baqi, na maza jeeny myn/ kuch maza hy to yehi khoone jigar peeny myn
• Dil ay jo bat niklti hy asar rkhti hy/ par nahin, taqate parwaz magar rakhti hy
• Koi qabil ho to ham shan kaii dety hyn/ dhoondny waly ko dunya bhi kaii dety hyn. (Knowledge seekers?)
• Thy to aaba wo tumhary hi magar tum kya ho?/ hath pr hath dohry muntazire furda ho...

• India
• Turkey
• Afghanistan
• Mexico
• U.K
• Greece
• Morocco
• Japan
• Nigeria
• China

• hmmm for later

• aapi (basically the person I trust to be sensible in different life matters, understand my perspective to a good degree, and keep my secrets secret).
• mama (i enjoy the freedom of dressing that she now gives me, and like the fact that she enjoys and praises the little things I do for her)
• dad (sad, but the money he makes is the reason and the support he provides for the family)
• naina (the person I am counting on to be my close friend, emotionally and geographically, for the future
• faiza (the person who taught me the meaning of commitment when it comes to humans)
• uzma khala (my only friend here lol we really act like friends sometimes)
• wadood (he made me realize I probably want to create a family mannnnn)

• her being non-male-centered
• her being a girl's girl
• her being a soft and scared of future typa person
• her laugh
• her calling me smart and believing in me
• her sharing her family problems with me
• me making her tone down her fighting nature
• her hugging me when I cried
• her silly and comfy outfits
• her stylish outfits and gift-giving nature

• living far from loved ones
• not being understood by my parents
• being different from close loved ones
• unrequited yearning for men combined with low socializing confidence

I vow to love you

In sickness and in health, In poverty of every kind, and in wealth.

For better or for worse, to prove, not say— And return to love whenever I stray away.

• the orange handsoap from Dollar Tree. It reminds me of my first days in America in phupo's house (our bathroom) and feels like a comforting cleaning smell.
• attar (they can smell like heaven)

• I will be a psychiatrist or in the substance abuse / addiction part of healthcare. OR I will find a quieter specialty and stick with it.
• I will be married by the age of 30 bc frankly I'm to scared to choose a nondefault timeframe for things, but lowkey could be a year or two late to the decision.
• I will have a small family (time hi kahan hy behn itny bachy bnany ka?)
• I will return quietly to religion but in a highly evolved and altered manner.
• I will be a casual smoker (i'm hoping not but let's see)

• hospice
• lonely old people
• children who need attention and play
• people who want to improve math and whom I can help
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• Farzana preschool
• Sidra class 4
• Trautz class 10
• Stepnowski class 11
• Woods class 11
• Fagan class 12
• Kumi chem R
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• doctor cousins
• teacher gran and aunts
• harmless and hardworking aunts and mom
• loving community
• land
• generosity and hospitability
• appreciation for nature
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• being active
• skating
• swimming
• drive faaar
• trust mom driving
• acting and thinking at the same time

• skate and observe skating

• goshbaj
• anm
• toob
• sna

• any era where there was better equality between sexes and children and elderly were better treated. I'd ask their rationale of being so just and treating everyone so equally.
• to muhammad (saw) and see what kind of revelation he is getting.

• always being understanding of the viewpoint of my teenage self
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2021 may: Love..... Upcoming trip to Pak Shopping for others! macpro driving ability

Hate..... schoolwork math project math test college process thoughts about my past

june:

• fries
• noodles
• macaroni
• chai, milk shake
• murg pulao
• falooda
• aloo salan
• chick peas
• french toast

لَا ٱلشَّمْسُ يَنۢبَغِى لَهَآ أَن تُدْرِكَ ٱلْقَمَرَ وَلَا ٱلَّيْلُ سَابِقُ ٱلنَّهَارِ ۚ وَكُلٌّۭ فِى فَلَكٍۢ يَسْبَحُونَ (It is not for the sun to catch up with the moon,nor does the night outrun the day. Each is travelling in an orbit of their own.)

مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ. (What is the matter with you? How judge ye?)