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you don't wanna die tonight
take one more breath to clear your mind
every moment's relevant,
bittersweet, and delicate
tomorrow may not come again
tonight is all there is

chz about me
lois books (2020)
2020 (in music)
about me (bio)
films (2020)

look at this whenever you feel down. this is a list of nice things people have said to/about you.

  • "how can i find someone like you in a place like this?"
  • "i find it amusing when you're pissed. you're cute."
  • "swerte bf / magiging bf mo kasi ma-effort ka."
  • "i'll talk to you when you wake up. should be early enough so that you're still awake at that time."
  • "be careful. i need you in this world."
  • "you know i'm always here for you to talk to about whatever is bothering you. since you're half a world away there's not much else i can do, i wish i could help in some way."
  • "as long as you got me you'll have someone to vent to."
  • "if you need to vent about anything at al...
sep 3 2016 ∞
mar 24 2017 +

my ethics prof taught us that every one of us has our own will when we die. i'm not rich enough to have a will and testament, but this would suffice.

  • one week wake
  • have me cremated
  • bury my books with me. if i bear children, leave it to them.
  • play my "when i'm dead" playlist during the wake
sep 4 2016 ∞
sep 4 2016 +
  • "pikit matang managinip / mahahanap mo ako sa isang malalim / na sulok / ng 'yong isip"Wari Ko'y, Sugarfree
  • "magka-ilaw man / madilim pa rin / kung wala ka"Kandila, Sugarfree
  • "wake up / the world seems bright out today / life goes on / and things they change / hands up if you've been / left bruised and broken / say, 'i'll be okay'" — I Hope This Comes Back To Haunt You, Neck Deep
  • "this one goes out to my closest friends / the ones who make me feel less alien / i do not think i would be here / if not for them" — Another Night On Mars, The Maine
  • "heaven above me / take my hand / shine until there's nothing left / but you" — Ashes of Eden, Breaking Benjamin
aug 29 2016 ∞
oct 20 2016 +
  • January
    • spent new years with fam
    • went to visit tatay at the cemetery
    • watched mmff films with chzardale
    • met up with clary before she left for baguio
    • went to pinto art museum with karen
    • antipolo's cityscape at night
    • watched la la land
    • listened to brand new
    • ordered a book (for the first time) from book depository
    • finished watching weightlifting fairy kim bok joo
    • college adventures with ciel, chris, and eie
    • watched la la land again
    • school's foundation week!
    • organized a giveaway with kelly
    • pewdiepie resident evil 7 gameplay
jan 22 2017 ∞
apr 18 2017 +
  • January
    • went to tagaytay with cj
    • got to order my until trilogy bundle
    • school's foundation week. always a blast.
    • got to read f*ck love by tarryn fisher. one of my favorite reads for this year.
  • February
    • deadpool. watched it twice.
    • got to visit los banos for up feb fair. it was a good night with friends. they stayed up with me all night because i didn't have any place to sleep.
    • went to the art fair ph with chzardale. also my first time meeting her.
    • hamilton won best musical album at the grammys.
  • March
aug 29 2016 ∞
dec 21 2016 +