"Sam doesnt do drinking mildly, she either doesnt drink or she drinks shit loads"

"There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats" Elton John

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

"What are you doing?? Having a good time"

"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it"

"I had an epiphany in the shower"... "Sam, you ALWAYS have epiphanies in the shower"... "Well, what better place?"

"Oooop. Assistant Manager" *Looks at Verity* "What the fuck, did you just say that as well?"

"Im surprised we didn't come in yesterday as well to be honest"

"Ooh. Barefoot"

"Can you hurry up please, I have things to do"

"You are a pun whore Sam... Do you remember Herb-Dog?"

"Nobody said there would be stairs involved"

"I think actually, i'd quite like to go to heaven because hell would be hell wouldn't it?!"

"If she slept with him i'd punch her in the face and rip her effing -censored- off"

"I wish I could live the mental and crazy life you do, I dont know how you do it" :D Thanks Luke

"If he was in my bed i wouldnt say no, but i wouldnt try and get him into bed"

''I'd ride a vampire''

''You cant fake goose pimples''

"Ducks dont lay eggs"

''SO! if you bought something for £10, and sold it for £5..''

'' Facebooks in the Beuro''

''there was one in the bed & the fit one said move over''

"Ill decorate using diarreah stencils and shave the word welcome on the dogs back"

"I dont know but i wish she would fuckoff and I would suck it (through a straw) but its foul"

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." Robin Tyler

"Did you spell it wrong?" "Nah, nah... Yeah"

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night" Woody Allen

"We're as pissed as wheel-barras"

"I have the body of a 21y/o..... locked up"