- what vibes do you have
- polaroids and memories. "everything you do is something that you wish you could capture in a photo, a polaroid, maybe with shitty lens flares and red eyes but something to remember you by. you know so much but you don’t know how to talk about it and you don’t like your friends. you think that you just need better friends, need to be able to talk to people, but that isn’t your fault. You don’t get along with your parents and you spend way too much giggling over stupid shit to make you feel better about yourself. you’re shit at naming things and you never like trying new things out before you automatically expect to be good at it. you were always the gifted child in elementary school and you never learned how to cry silently. you don’t get social hierarchies and you don’t understand politics but you understand that people deserve to be people. you feel like nothing you do matters but it matters to you and that keeps you from the brink at your worst moments. your room has the worst lighting and you hate your city and you have a weird relationship with blink 182. you can never remember to clean anything and you get along with animals so well because they like to play with you and you like that you don’t have to take care of them. You don’t trust yourself and you don’t realize it, but you crave anything to make sure that you don’t realize that. you chip your nail polish any time you wear any and you forget to brush your teeth and sometimes the world crashes down on your shoulders. you like to tell yourself current events in your life like you’re telling it as a story in the future of “that one time”."
- what's your role in a found family dynamic?
- the comic relief. yes, alright, you tell your jokes and do your bits. you break awkward silences and sing silly songs. but what about when you're not keeping the levity? what else makes up the person who makes others feel good? you're kind. you connect with people. you hate to see others sad. you have a vice or two--who doesn't--but the point is, you are the epitome of what it is to be human, and you are able to encompass the absolutely zany improbability of life as we know it. people are comforted by you. they cherish your spirit and relate to you. but it can be difficult when you're not laughing. comedy becomes a wall to keep worse feelings out, or in. a person who feels any emotion to the extreme will undoubtedly feel others the same way. laughing is great, but... perhaps a big reason you appreciate your family is because there's something you can't stand in a silence.
- let me describe you in one adjective
- panoramic. you're trying, aren't you? trying to take it all in at once, trying to fit everything inside your head because you don't know what you'll do if it gets out. and yes, there are so many good things in this world, and yes, you are so full of so many things but i promise, not all of them are bad. there are so many things, and they don't make sense, but you have a place here too, even if you can't have all the answers.
- what van gogh painting are you?
- self portrait. "i want to touch people with my art. i want them to say 'he feels deeply, he feels tenderly'." van gogh often didn't have enough money to pay for models to paint, so he painted himself instead for practice. he always felt that his self-portraits were a study of himself his own anguish. as if to say 'look at me. this is who i am. please know me. please love me.' you probably have a complicated relationship with vulnerability. that which you crave also terrifies you. i know it's scary to leave your soul bare, but you will be most happy - and most loved - when you are most seen. some of your traits are: introspective, conflicted, and compassionate
- what form of love do you embody?
- love as tenderness love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”
apr 25 2020 ∞
aug 7 2023 +