- i saw my name on your phone screen with the cute little emoji you have saved for my contact but you just let it sit there on your screen / were you going to reply? or were you just going to stare at the notification?
- i wonder is this a good ignoring or a bad one. do you wonder (like me) that if you reply too soon you'll be clingy. or do you think you're leading me on. (you should know even if you replied in a millisecond i wouldn't think any less of you. it's weird that i don't know that though)
- i was praying before my calc final with my head in my hands, eyes closed. i don't know if it was 30 seconds or 2 minutes but it felt like quite a while, i prayed and prayed for everything to go well and for all my studying to pay off. when i opened my eyes there you were, still looking at me like you were when i closed my eyes. weirdly a lot of my worries about the test vanished (they came back in like a minute) ,,,
- was it like 3 seconds of closing my eyes and that's why you were still looking at me?
- were you wondering what on earth i could be praying for?
- and maybe in some alternate reality i would wonder if you were wondering if you were in my prayers (tbh you weren't explicitly, i was really stressed for that test, but some part of you, some part of all my friends and all the people i love are always in my prayers)
- everyone has plans but i don't,, i wonder how i should feel about that because i like spending time with my friends but i also love spending time alone. what's the balance between being selectively social and being a hermit,,
- all the time i spend around people has led me to appreciate 'me' time more. in the summer and the beginning of the year, right after online learning, i hadn't actively seen and interacted with people live for so long that i craved that. but now, after getting used to it for a bit, it's nice to know that i'm still the same me, the same one who loves spending time alone
- you saw me inside the classroom and waved and waited for me, but then u saw my friends waiting for me and left.. did u not think i would choose u over them? or am i reading too much into this
- the book i had to read for lang (elements of style) said that when u write things u shouldn't try to overly put meaning into it, that it should sound good read aloud. do i have to rethink everything i ever liked about my writing?
- it's not that i'm afraid of being annoying. i know you don't think i'm annoying, because you wouldn't, i know how you think. so what is it? why is it that i'm so bad at reaching out and starting interactions and why is it that i'm so bad at conveying what i need?
- the entire system of higher education in america is so fucked up ,,,, people are so concerned with numbers over like actually learning what they're interested in. i was looking through a reddit thread for this major that i'm interested in and this person was asking whether they should take a certain cs course that they're interested in if they thought it would ruin their gpa, bc they were premed. and ppl said they should preserve their gpa???? like. i get that people don't want to 'waste' their undergrad + get a low gpa but ??? that literally defeats the whole purpose of learning. we've defeated the entire purpose of having college in the first place, well no i guess the purpose was to prepare for college. but like. education is learning. ur not learning if ur just doing work for an a lmao sorry
- lol lol why were u looking down haha thats my tummy good sir! were u checking me out! wtf! or u were like damn thats a lot of skin scandalous! u also legit didnt look at me in the library OR after school (after school u looked dOWN WHAT) but in class u took a minute to look at my face b4 asking me a question. i have a gigantic ego so i'm going to assume you were admiring my beauty but wtf u are scaring me. do not drift from me or i WILL hurt u (more like you'll hurt me but thats not the point)
- it's crazy how i have no clue how i feel about a lot of things but i'm just vibing anyways... labels are overrated and while saying u 'hate' someone or 'like' someone is satisfying in its own way, not knowing seems okay too. there's a lot of expectations in this world and that is one i will probably never meet
- going to community college and transferring is probably one of the best options that exists tbh it's so so useful,, i hate the stigma around community college as a last option. but also i think people that go to community college have such high self esteem because it takes so much to not care what other people will think of u. for me, i feel like everything i've done in high school will be a waste if i go to community college, but it sounds so much less stressful, so much cheaper, AAAA. obv there are disadvantages. and obv there are other reasons than my lack of self esteem. but like. idk.
- lmfao i love how there are two kinds of people i'm friends with -> people i have to be super animated and expressive and exciting and interesting around, and people i am literally the driest human being around. yes i will elaborate. i mean i'm never super super animated or anything but initiating conversations is SO HARD for me. among my closer friends it sort of comes in waves, like i'll have a lot to say one minute and literally nothing the next. but i'm glad that around some people i won't have to come up with things to talk about you know? idk. maybe these people hate it LMAO but i always find it so comforting leaving a long conversation to just stand with someone, not saying anything, not even looking at phones, just looking around, maybe occasionally pointing smth out but just wallowing in each other's presence. not that i don't like long conversation, but it takes a degree of comfort to be okay being dry. yes d is my main example of this because we're both talkative around other ppl and damn close to dead silent when we're alone, and part of it is awkwardness obviously but for me (and hopefully for him) he sort of functions as a safe place and i love that so so so much i don't know what i'm going to do without him and i hope i don't have to find out
- i'm so attracted to vulnerability okay bye
- sometimes i get so caught up in my work that by the time i actually like. regain the ability to be sentient i barely remember what happened for like a good period of time. i’m sure it’s because i have little sleep but idk. it’s so weird bc it’s like i’m dissociating but my body is still doing all the work. i just don’t know where i go during those times. and it’s a little terrifying to be honest
- for now i don’t really mind, but like. what if this happens irl? what if i go somewhere else while my body is going through like an important core memory? forgetting is the worst thing
- i hate feeling like i have to feel emotions.
- ack it's so weird because i think i think a LOT right,,, but thinking back to when i was little, i don't think i thought very much. or at least, i don't have memories of thinking? but i think the weird thing is that i think i need to have memories of thinking. so i think harder and harder. but that just maeks me lose out on the whole memory LMFAOjewkgls
- i wish i’d thought about friday earlier,,, because now it’s hitting me and i wish i’d spent more time with everyone, i know we’re going to hangout over the summer but i didn’t think it would feel so hopeless
- i think it's so tragic that humans are basically the first species to realize that we'll go extinct someday
- idk what crushes even are at this point. i think i'm so desensitized because all the crushes i've had are long term. so like.... i have no clue! there are so many people around me but i don't know how to tell my feelings for/with them???? so i'm kind of just vibing.
- yeah idk if i ever had feelings for you but i definitely do not now LOLLL but honestly i cannot tell you how much i love you because like .. you reminded me so much of p but you're also so much better and you actually care about me a lot more LMFAO so the fact that you're still texting me and stuff when you don't "need" me is really . i know it's the bare minimum for you, but it means a lot for me<3
- seeing people laugh at something i say makes time stop:)
- yeah this was about her laugh i can say that now her laugh is the cutest thing in the history of things i love it so much goddamn
dec 23 2021 ∞
apr 27 2023 +