"There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets." ~Dickens

[Begging Dickens' pardon though, I think these are more humorous:]

• "In respect of the recurrent emergence of the theme of sex in the minds of his characters, it must always be remembered that his locale was Celtic and his season spring." (United States v. One Book Called" Ulysses", 5 F. Supp. 182 (S.D.N.Y. 1933))
  • And the oral argument! - Judge Woolsey: "Now for the first time I appreciate the significance of this book. I have listened to you as intently as I know how. I am disturbed by the dream scenes at the end of the book, and still I must confess, that while listening to you, I have been thinking at the same time about the Hepplewhite furniture behind you." Lawyer: "Judge, that’s the book."
  • THEN JUDGE LEARNED HAND HEARD IT ON APPEAL, along with his cousin, Judge Augustus Noble Hand
• "In her wildest dreams, Barbie could not have imagined herself in the middle of Rule 11 proceedings." (Christian v. Mattell, Inc., 9th Cir. 2003, 286 F.3d 1118)
• United States ex rel. Mayo v. Satan & His Staff, WD Penn 1971, 54 F.R.D. 282
  • "Plaintiff, alleging jurisdiction under 18 U.S.C. § 241, 28 U.S.C. § 1343, and 42 U.S.C. § 1983 prays for leave to file a complaint for violation of his civil rights in forma pauperis. He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in his path and has caused plaintiff's downfall."
  • "the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable"
  • "We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshal for directions as to service of process."
• Depraved heart murder
  • Legal band name, anyone?
    • First album: Malice Aforethought
• A basic requirement of the felony-murder rule is that the act of killing must have been done in furtherance of the felony....Sometimes a cofelon causes the death by an act unconnected to the felony and not in service of it. For example, one of two men planning to commit arson may, while en route to the fire, rob someone and accidentally kill him. Here, is it often said, the cofelon has gone off on 'a frolic of his own.'"
• Here is the problem with modern legal writing: everybody is trying to imitate the natural and flowing dignified legalese of the 19th century [see below], only we don't know how and now it just sounds stilted and pompous.
  • From Estes v. Worthington, 31 F. 154 (S.D.N.Y. 1887): "In the year 1866, one Johnston originated the title “Chatterbox” upon a series of books which he caused to be compiled, containing illustrations and stories of a class and style adapted to young persons. The books had a distinctive appearance and manner of cover and printing, and they became universally recognized in England and the United States as books which had attained a well-known and highly-appreciated character. The said Johnston afterwards assigned to the plaintiff the exclusive use of the title in the United States and Canada, and the publications were made simultaneously, in England by Johnston, and in this country by the plaintiff. The defendant published juvenile books bearing the title “Chatterbox” upon the cover, and similar in external appearance and general style to the plaintiff's books, but with different contents. The plaintiff thereupon filed his bill to restrain such publication by the defendant. Held, that he was entitled to the relief sought."

Weird and implausible, yet entered in the public record

• Pingatore v. Montgomery Ward & Co (419 F.2d 1138): a rat leapt on and bit plaintiff's knee while she was leaving the department store premises. She developed complications leading to partial paralysis in an arm and leg.