They've perfected the mechanics of teleportation you say?

• Mid-January: Harrisburg for the Pennsylvania Farm Show
• February: Cameroon, to spend the bleak midwinter on the beach, receiving dozens of offers of "La blanche! Sois ma valentine!"
• March: Orcas Island for the greenness of the forest primeval
• Early May: Glen Rock, PA for the Fairie Festival
• Mid June to 4th of July: Seattle for Fremont Solstice and naked biking and then barbecues, homespun capitalism, and substances
• Summer: East Coast USA for afternoon thunderstorms that break through heavy, ponderous heat like an orgasm or mine explosion
• Fall: Middle of a pumpkin patch or corn maze, stealthily drinking from a flask behind the fattest pumpkins
• Mid-December: Poland for the wintry desolation
• Late December: Toulouse, France, where they haven't even heard of the War on Christmas