Going back home is the worst part

A escape room, a tall one

Very white, made of glass and porcelain

Don't know why escape is needed, don't know when it won't be needed anymore

/

And before I arrive

There are sounds and bright teeth

There's a mother sitting on the ground

And they are open, in spite of any fear

/

And on the road

Before reaching home

I could peacefully die there

On the road

• "Ela não consegue fazer a chavinha parar de chorar sangue. Paradoxalmente, à medida que sua vida antiga está morrendo e até mesmo os melhores remédios não conseguem esconder esse fato, ela está alerta para a perda de sangue e, portanto, apenas começando a viver" (72)
• "Uma alma faminta pode ficar tão cheia de dor que a pessoa não consegue suportar mais. Como as mulheres têm uma necessidade profunda da alma se expressar em seus próprios estilos da alma, elas precisam se desenvolver e florescer de um modo que faça sentido para elas, sem sere molestadas pelos outros." (73)

I will not tell you that I hate myself, I don't. I love my bright light, my colorful heart, my beautiful dreams and my vivid experiences, I adore the love I maintain in my soul for my dogs, my favorite songs, my favorite persons, I love myself in the deepest way you could imagine. But I'm not being myself.

Estou coberta por um véu de uma cor que nem sequer consigo definir, é opaca demais pra permitir que minha essência mais bonita seja vista, também é morna e neutra o suficiente para que consiga me fazer andar por ai sem ser um aceno para o exterior.

I starting having bad thoughts, like losing hope that it'll get better

if I'm going to live like this for a long time, I don't wanna pass through it, but I can't tell this to no one else except myself, and it was already very hard to tell this here.

it's like void inside of me, and I've been trying to keep standing up even without bones, and it's tiring and it's never getting better, only numbness gets me a rest from this.

a few days ago I was feeling very frustrated because I was in this lack of energy to do things for a long time, but then at one night I put some music on my phone and started dancing and it was good and energy came to me somehow.

though, when I think about this moment today I feel silly again, because I thought something was happening and days ahead would be better, but it got worse, and I'm...

I can remember the good old days When you and me used to hide away Where the stars were shining or the sun was blinding our eyes

Yeah you filled up my glass With promises that could never last But I still find pieces of you in the back of my mind

And all of the things that we once said Are not in my heart, they're in my head That was the time to say goodbye Let's put it to rest yeah, let it die

Cause we don't, we don't need to talk about this now Yeah we've been down that road before That was then and this is now

The crowds in my heart they've been calling out your name Now it just don't feel the same Guess it's over, yeah we're done

I heard you made your way downtown To the place that I've been hanging around I was looking for your face in the crowd But trying to keep my head down

Over time our wires crossed Well you chan...

When Simba died I wasn't expecting

It was most of all things, a chock

I found myself scared of not knowing

I listen to my mom's calls

I check her medical exams

I want to take my dogs to the vet

I wonder if my friends are passing through something only I am unaware

Dad has a skin cancer and I only knew when he removed it

I didn't know I didn't know

But when I know, what do I do that is different from when I don't?

on november 16th, happiness was:

• listening to "Purpose" by Taeyeon
  • "i will be okay. i can't see it, but i'm sure that wings create waves"
• watching jongdae and jungyeol singing together in a busking
  • "꽃" lyrics
    • a bright morning begins at the end of the deepest night and is beautifully reborn

to not let your brain be another one in the Campus

Quando mais jovem, eu era o centro do mundo. Eu achava que, se dormisse, o mundo inteito pararia de girar. O mundo girava para mim e eu não podia imaginar um mundo sem mim. Naquela época tudo no mundo existia para me amar.

Quando é que foi? Quando eu me dei conta de que o mundo continua a girar mesmo sem mim?

Quando é que foi? Quando me dei conta de que não sou o centro do mundo?

Quando é que foi? Quando eu realmente me dei conta de que era só mais uma entre as inúmeras pessoas no mundo?

Quando é que foi? Quando eu comecei a colocar outra pessoa no centro do meu mundo? Percebi que existem coisas que eu não posso ter, não importa o quanto as quero.

Quando é que foi? Quando eu comecei a me odiar porque estava com raiva? Hoje, foi doloroso me dar conta mais uma vez de qu...

I’m grateful for your accompaniment on this road. I’m very honoured to have you in my youth and for me to be in your youth. I’m touched.

• zyx 190601

can you believe that you are still here? I mean, sometimes you thought you wouldn't last a week, always thinking about how to get out from all of this and turn off you mind completely, but now, months later you are still here, and even with some moments of confusion, you don't want to go, you want to stay, you are where you should be. you stopped pushing everything capable of keeping you in this world away, now you create new bonds, you keep holding on and you're happy for it. days were dark, they were gray, empty, pitiful, you didn't forget them, and you shouldn't. now it's just a experience, the hardest one in your life till now, now it is a lesson, it was how you grew up, because of this you can be yourself even more each day and I couldn't be more proud. thank you for saving me, thank you for saving yourself

as I feel my eyes getting heavy I start to think about the things I should say to you before it's too late, I should be with you and try harder but I can't, I'm really sorry, I've tried before and my stupid mind won't let me do it again so easily. I lose my breath at least once a day now, cause I hate the idea of losing your company. just... am I good enough? I don't think so... not for this, I'm not good enough to do it.

• bohemian rhapsody - queen
• run - vallis alps
• future - paramore
• softness - 10cm
• telephone - exo-sc feat. 10 cm
• 너와 나의 시간은 - vanilla acoustic
• additional - paul kim
• crossroads - gfriend
• the house we never build - gabrielle aplin
• idle worship - paramore

i'm writing the future, i'm writing it out loud. we don't talk about the past, we don't talk about the past now

so i'm writing the future, i'm leaving a key here. something won't always be missing, you won't always feel emptier

just think of the future and think of your DREAMS you'll get away from here, you'll get away EVENTUALLY

so just think of the future think of a new life and don't get lost in the memories, keep your eyes on a new prize.

I don't have many friends, but I'm really glad that you are my friend.

• kjh 160525

still my throat hurts and my eyes burn when there's nothing I can do but breathe

the reason why we can wait for the traffic light is because we know it will change soon, that's why, hang in there,

even though it's hard.

it will change soon. for the better

• kjh 160530

Toma espaço, mas apenas porque é matéria e não pode deixar de ser. Faz sons, mas apenas porque caminhar faz barulho e necessita caminhar. Não é nada, embora as vezes gostaria de ser, embora as vezes este seja seu maior medo. O sonho e os lapsos são os ossos que mantêm o corpo em pé, mas também é a tinta que escurece enquanto permanecem sendo apenas oque são e nada mais. Os toques que vieram e se foram são histórias e também empurrões para a linha de chegada e o final do caminho, marcam e não se escondem, apenas cobrem cada vez mais o colorido buraco negro que se perdeu e se enterrou no meio da desordem. Espera a explosão desde a sua última e mais antiga lembrança, a explosão que seria (será) cheia, clara e verdadeira, como tudo o que mais deseja ser, mas apenas espera, nada mais por enquanto, e enquanto espera cansa, marca outros véus com tudo que a cobre, cai em abi...

another distressing night and I should be used to it, I should be used to be without you, to have no answers, I shouldn't expect you to call me again, with your sweet words and voice tones that were particularly ours, or maybe you're using it with someone else too, if you aren't yet, maybe you will. that's why I shouldn't miss you, not after all this time.

but I do, and sometimes I understand it, I accept it. I want to take it off, I want to rip it out of my soul and my heart, but still, I accept it, because what kind of human would I be if I could simply erase it.

it changed me, changed my life, my thoughts, my destiny, my everything. you weren't just another person who passed by me in a crowded street, even thought I always dedicate at least a second of my life for these ones you were more, you were big, explosive, you were my firsts, my freedom...