“i must not fear.

fear is the mind-killer.

fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

i will face my fear.

i will permit it to pass over me and through me.

and when it has gone past, i will turn the inner eye to see its path.

where the fear has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.”

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

childe was an interesting obsession coz it happened in the year i was in many dangerous situations, n i got too caught up in fear. i thought, "if i were more like him, i would feel safer" because he's brave n fearless, but of course this didn't work. we have nothing in common n the more i get older, the more i feel at ease w my own personality. mirroring an entire character seems counterproductive. adopting traits is ok, but childe has no useful traits i could borrow to myself. still, he plagued my mind long enough for me to accept i like him.

he is strong, capable, a young prodigy w an awful past, adorable, caring, charming, cheerful—a fan favourite—which i'm weak to feel envious of. back then, i was always trying to make people fall in love w me; he was an excellent candidate to mirror, wasn't he? except he's impulsive, reckless, n has no body integrity. if anything, he taught me to be faithful in my own spiritual protection, which, when strong enough, repells n protects me from doing anything stupid w this body of mine. he was also the pivot for me to read snippets about ancient greek stories, mythos, n gods, which now play an important part in my academical life.

• the shy and quiet teen falling into a bottomless pit n returning unrecognizable.
• mistranslated king.
• spoiled by circumstance.
• he fishes.
• to him, everything goes back to combat. the end goal is progress, "the outcome of the battle is irrelevant — what matters is that you learn from the experience."
• he doesn't care about his coworkers n thinks most of them are boring.
• he doesn't underestimate his opponents n treats them fairly.
• bloodshed is his last resort. he doesn't meddle with the weak.
• moon lover.
• eats anything.
• repays all received gifts.
• “patience and decisiveness are key to life.”
• overexerts his physical capabilities beyond his limits.
• loyal.
• most likely ambidextrous.
• sometimes behaves like a spoiled middle-schooler.
• “you shall ever be in the eye of the storm, and the clashing of steel shall ever accompany you. the pitch-black memory of stepping into uttermost darkness, shall, at last, become the strength by which you will overturn this world.”

⸻⠀ on his physical appearance

• he wears a silver ring on each pinkie n a big ring on his left index.
• that bleached lock of hair n souless eyes.
• physically lean, but quite strong.