• uncover self-deception.
• connect w/ the genuine self.
• discover inner value.
• practice consistent meditation.
• allow yourself to sit w/ your genuine light.
• make peace with the ego.
  • “i have freed myself from the need for external validation, from the sense of lack and the constant need for attention. i feel more at ease, less insecure, and less controlling of myself. vanity is giving way to dignity, self-respect, and responsibility for myself. outwardly, it might look like i'm doing the same things, but the internal motivation now stems from my deepest desires, not dictated by others or in the name of a self-image.”

how?

self-love must be unconditional.

• i hate my voice ⠀￫⠀ i speak from the back of my throat.
• i hate my body ⠀￫⠀ i do callisthenics, so i'll be at least healthy.
• i hate my height ⠀￫⠀ i walk with my chest & let my spine rest on my hips.
• i hate my hair ⠀￫⠀ i straighten my bangs before going to bed.
• i hate my nails ⠀￫⠀ i no longer keep touching my face.
• i hate my indecisiveness ⠀￫⠀ i live without regret.
• i hate my lack of self-esteem ⠀￫⠀ i have unlimited potential.
• i hate the way i was neglected as a child ⠀￫⠀ i have revised my past & avenged my inner child.
• i hate my debilitating adhd & executive dysfunction ⠀￫⠀ i must go to a neurologist & take my fucking meds.
• i hate how long i take to notice how traumatic some events were to me ⠀￫⠀ better late than never.
• i hate my current self. ⠀￫⠀ the rage boiling my blood will save me.

teaching practices

• active learning methodologies
• adapting your teaching strategies to stu...
• activity, exercise & task
• inductive & deductive learning
• meaning, form & use

grammar/pronunciation

• english for academical purposes
• english stackexchange
• grammar bank
• guide to abbreviations
• ipa vowel chart w/ audio
• prefixes & sufixes list
• to practice grammar
• how to pronounce

class planning

• add questions to videos
• create flowcharts & mindmaps
• database for movies/tv series/etc

• the most important ⠀surrender, self-hate immunity

• currently using ⠀end doomscrolling, winter arc, stop nail-biting

• good ones ⠀brainfog, mania & focus, heal inner child, serenity, black lotus, ideal life, auto-pilot studying, lower cortisol, calm life,

• channels ⠀metalic-ice﹐precious fang﹐thoreau﹐vesuvias﹐baejin cafe﹐kapelsu﹐slade﹐soyoung﹐heavensent

• ▢⠀die early and often: being attis in the anthropocene, by john halstead
• ▢⠀the structure of scientific revolutions, by thomas kuhn
• ▢⠀meditações, by marcus aurelius — w gf ♥ & friends
• ▢⠀the myth of sisyphus, by albert camus
• ▢⠀the stranger, by albert camus
• ▢⠀o alquimista, by paulo coelho
• ▢⠀veronika decide morrer, by paulo coelho
• ▢⠀the kybalion: a study of the hermetic philosophy of ancient egypt and greece, by three initiates
• ▢⠀the secrets of alchemy, by lawrence m. principe
• ▢⠀the denial of death, by ernest becker
• ▢⠀thus spoke zarathustra, by friedrich nietzsche
• ▢⠀caliban e a bruxa, by silvia federici
• ▢⠀capital as power, by jonathan nitzan & shimshon bichler

• to improve
  • ▢⠀head shape
  • ▢⠀ears!!
  • ✓⠀eye size
  • ▢⠀body proportion
  • ▢⠀body language / poses
  • ▢⠀facial expressions
  • ✓⠀colour
  • ✓⠀painting style
  • ✓⠀speed
  • ▢⠀hands & thumbs

⸻⠀ what kind of art do i like to see?

• common body proportions
• dynamic & expressive body language
• super expressive expressions (can be exaggerated)
• subtle imperfections & colour variation
• subtle textures & indicators of realism

because i lost all my spark & spice.

• i was more knowledgeable about politics & governmental dynamics.
• i used to read so many philosophical articles & books.
• i was more of an intellectual tbh.
• i used to draw much more than i do nowadays.
• i used to play (bass) much more than i play nowadays.
• i used to write like a beast (14k words per day, average, wtf).
• i was less chaste, prudish, embarrassed, & insecure around my lover.
• i listened to good music, not only club music & loud bass.

⸻⠀ goals

• ▢⠀finish that short story about the jungian quote
• ▢⠀finish that fanfic 1st draft (3/5)
• ▢⠀read...
  • ⤷ ▢⠀ the odyssey, by homer
  • ⤷ ▢⠀ the illiad, by homer
  • ⤷ ▢⠀ this is how you lose the time war, by amal el-mohtar & max gladstone
  • ⤷ ✓⠀ time loop narratives are about love, by katy
  • ⤷ ▢⠀ how american culture ate the world, by dexter fergie
• ▢⠀transfer notion writing notes to obsidian
• ▢⠀revise and rewrite my headspace entries until they're pleasant to be read
• ▢⠀watch a documentary abt ivan illich, descartes and rousseau
• ▢⠀write the 15 letters
• ▢⠀donate my good clothes to a thrift store & thrift some pants

• 25.08.13 ⠀1h22min
• 25.08.21 ⠀6h38min
• 25.08.22 ⠀4h18min
• 25.08.25 ⠀3h55min
• 25.10.29 ⠀9h33min

sort of diary about the events that unfold in my paracosm, because now i want to keep track of what's going on & how the history of this world unfolds & shapes my heart. this world is a coping mechanism i developed in my 11-12s n i have no intention on treating it like an unhealthy symptom. i treat my headmates as friends.

• 24.11.16 ⠀ dell got anxious for being left alone at the rocky-valley island n followed us (idk how, coz we travelled by ship.) he fought w dana n i to take part in the 'wintery-land' expedition. i let him stay as long as he stops trying to talk over me. we set camp for the meantime.

• 24.11.30 ⠀ i got overwhelmed by smth i can't recall n ran away to the woods. i took off my coat n boots n lashed out at a tree. later, dell found me sobbing near a cabin....

just a record of things i've manifested through my life coz i keep forgetting i can do this.

• neopets plushies, when i was 10.
• perfect teeth.
• top healthy genetics.
• a boy best friend, but he had a crush on me so it didn't work out.
• my perfect girlfriend.
• a friend like kuroo, but i regretted it so bad (didn't work out).
• old friends getting in contact w/ me.
• moving out of my old house.
• financial independence.
• looking like hawks.
• eye surgery / not wearing glasses anymore.
• effortless grades in a particularly awful uni semester.

• estrupiado, adj. badly injured or hurt in a pathetic way.
• onírico, adj. dreamlike, oneiric.
• regicida, adj. kingslayer, regicide.

• ambience:⠀moodist · tearoom · apothecary · firewood · horse stables
• animal crossing:⠀marshall's café · dog office
• study with me:⠀2h irl · 2h lo-fi ·
• to hype up:⠀zzz theme · zzz theme 15 · zzz gacha · intermission · hydrogen · nighthawk
• soundtracks:⠀nitw · p5 jazz mix · café leblanc mix · succession suite
• playlists:⠀a quiet moment alone · it's going to be okay · midnight aura · that 2 am fresh air · i still miss you · lovers · love letters · studying · romanticizing studying · mathematics · trust me
• background music:⠀it's brazil babyy · escape from reality · in space
• other sounds:⠀tales of the night forest · medieval hardcore party mix · woodlands
• channels:⠀thermosento

• aniwave
• thesaurus · etymonline · articles
• eat this much · rua · adhd help · if executive dysfunction
• pdf converter · mybib

• autumn equinox ⠀march 20, midday
• winter solstice ⠀⠀ june 21, midnight
• spring equinox ⠀⠀september 22, 10 pm
• summer solstice ⠀december 21, 7 pm

• to be someone's favourite person.
• to be reliable.
• to be the 1st choice.
• to be admired.
• to be a good teacher.
• to be satisfied w my appearance.
• to have personal style.
• to have a trademark.
• to be compared to an older brother/father.
• to live without regrets.
• to have a calm & comfortable life.

• diet
  • breakfast: scrambled eggs w/ curd & tomatoes, 2 banana pancakes & a 200ml latte
  • elevenses: fruit, yogurt, whey cereal bar
  • lunch: brazilian prato feito
  • afternoon tea: peanut butter & banana or jam sandwich
  • dinner: brazilian prato feito
  • supper: banana smoothie w/ hypercaloric mix or anything w/ lots of carbs

• enem sᴀᴛ:⠀08am – 10am
  • monday: essay
  • tuesday: languages
  • wednesday: human sciences
  • thursday: essay
  • friday: math / nature sciences

• soul & guts
• physical balance
• vocal tract
• scream
• laugh
• reactive response
• posture
• idle stance
• way of walking
• muscles & bone density
• clothes
• love & heart
• emotional response

• "isso daqui... da uma cadeia... vai preso, chega lá os preso não vão aceitar vocês porque vocês não roubaram... sabe? vocês vão tomar banho de água fria a noite inteira, vão beber chá de óleo... ainda vai ficar preso... a princesa vai descer pro presídio vai lavar calcinha das manicôma... ⠀ (when we talk about something borderline ilegal.)
• "mas é assim né, vamos orar. um dia vai todo mundo morrer. que pena, mas tá na mão de deus graças a deus." ⠀ (when there's nothing else we can do about a bad situation.)
• "deus levou a paçoca e levou o chorão." ⠀ (when things get worse, but it's comical.)
• "ai, é o meu SONHO..." + emoji. ⠀ (when we talk about something we've been really wanting to do or get.)
• "que papo torto é esse, fulano?" ⠀ (when someone is being ooc or humiliating themselves for free.)
• *does this* ⠀ (when someone/something is way out of soc...