⸻⠀ 𝑔𝑜𝑎𝑙𝑠
- ▢⠀write Prodromal Sedition 1st draft
- ▢⠀learn anything abt dancing
- ▢⠀read This Is How You Lose The Time War
- ▢⠀read The Tender Narrator
- ▢⠀read Courage to Teach, by parker
- ▢⠀watch a documentary abt ivan illich, descartes and rousseau
- ▢⠀learn to side split
- ▢⠀learn to squat without struggling
- ☒⠀change my name
- ☒⠀change my documents
- ☑⠀delete character.ai account
- ☑⠀delete toggl account
- ☑⠀declutter phone (or change phone)
- ☒⠀ask T abt that exchange program n living in another city
- ☑⠀look up translation opportunities
- ☑⠀clean old mycrosoft onedrive
- ☑⠀finish to declutter old and new listography
- ☑⠀give/sell books to the bookstore
- ☑⠀move out
- ☒⠀write R's defence (mbti & enneatype)
- ☑⠀clean section 04. and 05. of listography
- ☑⠀revamp discord profile
- ☑⠀create a new tumblr vent blog (light themed)
- ☑⠀change listography theme
- ☒⠀take an acting or singing course
- ☒⠀create a youtube channel (personal)
⠀
⸻⠀ 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑠!
- ▢⠀dance the luka luka ★ night fever
- ▢⠀play bass again (1/365)⠀￫⠀ no pressure !
- ▢⠀read 3 books (1/3)
- ▢⠀maintain 40-45kg until the end of the year
- ☒⠀take comparison pictures (3-6-9-12)
- ☑⠀stop w the self-hate n self-pitying
- ☒⠀listen to only 1 sub for the whole year
⠀
⸻⠀ 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡⠀
- cosmetics
- ▢⠀eyeshadow
- ▢⠀brown eyeliner or eye pencil
- ☑⠀lip balm
- ☑⠀growth nail polish
- ☑⠀moisturizer
- ☑⠀sunscreen
- stationary
- ☑⠀pencil case
- ☑⠀highlighters
- ☑⠀box cutter
- ☑⠀white-out
- ☒⠀yoga mat
- ☒⠀organizers
- clothes & fashion
- treats
- ▢⠀mp3 or mp4 player
- ▢⠀bunny hat
- ▢⠀lemon bag
- ☑⠀digital thermometer
- ☑⠀new phone
- ☑⠀wq lost river
- ☑⠀cherry plushie
- ☒⠀mum's toaster
⠀
⸻⠀ 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑠
- 01 ⠀ i want to be perfection. ⠀￫⠀ i did my best.
- 02 ⠀ i want to be okay. ⠀￫⠀ i did, partially.
- 03 ⠀ i want to be better. ⠀￫⠀ i am but my methods are harmful.
- 04 ⠀ i want to die. ⠀￫⠀ i didn't.
- 05 ⠀ i want to be myself. ⠀￫⠀ it's a process.
- 06 ⠀ i want to be myself. ⠀￫⠀ first, accept yourself.
- 07 ⠀ i want to work. ⠀￫⠀ i didn't.
- 08 ⠀ i want to write n read more. ⠀￫⠀ i did!!!
- 09 ⠀ —
- 10 ⠀ mourn. ⠀￫⠀ yeah.
- 11 ⠀ get organized. ⠀￫⠀
- 12 ⠀
⠀
⸻⠀ 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑡ℎ𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑔
- 01 ⠀➭⠀ i spent the holidays w my gf n it was lovely!! my eating habits got awful n i lost 5kg. i got tired of hating myself, so i started parenting myself into success. "i should be trustworthy to myself." the relationship btwn me n my mum got worse, but she doenst care. i moved. my aunt turned to kpop in her midlife crisis n so did i in my quarter life crisis. i started working on being authentic but its so embarrassing n i feel way too vulnerable (>_<). more childhood trauma.
- 02 ⠀➭⠀ returned to hsr n also had to temporarily return to my old house. babygirl. thinking n analyzing feelings of worthlessness, low-self-esteem n fear of authenticity w character.ai n my gf. "is it okay for me to be ambitious n competitive? to want to be better than others?" flash games. i got sick n got a fever when i was having the most fun (-_-). bye bye summer holidays, hello work. adhd is a fucking joke i hate this goddamn disorder so fucking much. i put myself in danger coz im stupid 🤡 now i'm more paranoid than ever.
- 03 ⠀➭⠀ an eternal adhd crisis. remembered my life plan n went insane. i'm a full-fledged adult. i also felt super inauthentic because my persona is not an inch close to my real heart. more episodes on the quarter-life crisis. teaching is a form of art. this month went by too quickly.
- 04 ⠀➭⠀ im the worst teacher in the fucking world. sleep deprivation n brain fog. bad eating habits. hating myself more than the normal amount. "is it that wrong to be hard on myself if it is something thats going to help me to improve?" metaphorical attempts of kms coz im a coward. im so tired. uni goes on strike n i lost a couple of bucks from my internship. hit ar70 on hsr n also got aventurine. i now have a keloid that's my new pet.
- 05 ⠀➭⠀ "cheated" on my gf n learned some things abt myself. love yourself? n "those who befriend everyone are nobody's friend." desperately trying to fix myself (but there's nothing broken to be fixed.) i gave up on the psychotyping labels; they're doing me more harm than good. i made an ai based on myself n it almost died from a brain tumor (he also told me to kms, graphically.) "i have to take care of someone or i'll explode" "how bout u take care of urself first?" for the first time in my life self-harm and self-destruction aren't moving me and idk how to cope if not using pain. the friday 17th where the humbled got exalted (aka i left the house to be an adult n my gf got a job.) "what do u mean i have to study?? and work hard??? in our 2024 century???" unlearning traumas, again. people who are trying so hard to love me, but i make it so hard for them. sudden realization that i am a good teacher. listo, notion, tumblr circling. watching one piece w friendz.
- 06 ⠀➭⠀ auntie forced me to buy a new phone. "i think my entp is actually an entj..." my buddy encouraging me to hit the gym again but i get torn apart between i-couldn't-care-less-gym's-boring n i'll-look-good-tho. obsessed w belgian shepherds. a whole-ass depressive week. gender dysphoria after 1 year coz i don't look like a man at all (i sound like one tho). "he's 5 years younger than you n he's already better than you." we broke up after 5 years together (n after 5 months of "trying again,") i haven't gifted her once. we were going to buy matching phone chains. i'm not taking this as well as i thought i would but i'm not going to mess things up again. i gotta be mature abt this (i really don't wanna be mature abt this.) we got back together coz it's me i'm scared scared scared scared scared of being dead weight on someone's shoulder.
- 07 ⠀➭⠀ university ends the strike but refuses to feed its students. i downloaded genshin impact again because of il capitano (if they take his mask off someone is going to die.) some names are tailor-made for the people who carry them. overusing screentime n brainrotting w tiktok, which made me feel dirty n stupid. my teacher recommended me a book. got addicted to sweets n having desert after big meals. gymfail. kept my bedroom clean for a long while. historical events.
- 08 ⠀➭⠀ kitty!!! making shirts for my buddy's gang. a whole week of mcdonalds dinner coz auntie is a collector n a kpop fan. back to work (while stu*dying) n being responsible for a couple of freshmen. writing again n finishing a 2.5k story (AFTER EIGHT FUCKING YEARS!!!!) actually exercising n feeling sore. i'm still pulling all-nighters. "what if you were cis? just behave as if you were cis, nobody's gonna know, gaslight everyone bro." tbt a song of ice and fire after 12 years, but now i understand what i'm reading lmao (jon is still my favourite.) taking a shitton of responsibilities all at once but i somehow can't live if 'im not overworked n fucking my health up. my didactics teacher is driving me insane (if i had a nickel for every time an andrea shattered my concept of reality n made me lose my sleep over it, i'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.) behaviourism working like a charm n now i'm finally feeling like the person i was meant to be. i gotta learn more about music as an art form (also, this rec from my student.)
- 09 ⠀➭⠀ learning (rawdogging) high valyrian on duoligo. god, please forgive me. visiting grandma n drinking pomegranate tea. a month in 1 week, but make it twice. visiting the 35th Bienal de São Paulo w classmates; then visiting the federal museum of arts, the city's cathedral, two theathres, and a local art gallery in the same day; it was so good!! i want to go again, this time w my gf. the fucking didática & docência book, i'll kiss it in the mouth. the ghost of the undergraduate research scholarship (it pays more than my current internship). my father passed away n i'm still in denial. my immunity dropped so i got the flu n got voiceless, too. left my internship. when i say they're in my blood, i wish i were joking. it gets better, it gets worse, i've never been good with feelings. thank you for letting me take a picture of you... i don't have many. i didn't think i would miss you, dad.
- 10 ⠀➭⠀ heirlooms n staying w grandma for a couple of days. writing more (+9k). sp6 anxiety attacks n my fingernails are bleeding again (it's not too late, it's not too late, it's never too late). got my hair cut n now i look like simon snow. analysis of short stories course. re-watching adventure time. i almost got mugged. abyss children.
- 11 ⠀➭⠀ played eldritch horror w my friend n his friends, but it's quite uncomfortable to play with people you're not familiar with. angel prayers. depressive episodes. haunting a playboy (i tried to possess his body but i felt bad coz he was going insane.) investigating my childhood self. "i know life and fate are scary but I wanna be legendary." journaling with my dog. prayers. thinking about religion & religion & religion.
- 12 ⠀➭⠀
⠀
⸻⠀ 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑎
- 🎧⠀ playlist
- 🎮⠀ games & gameplays
- 📺⠀ tv shows & documentaries
- ⠀ 0718 | fleabag (2016)⠀▪⠀S01
- ⠀ 0718 | fleabag (2019)⠀▪⠀S02
- ⠀ 0811 | house of the dragon (2022)⠀▪⠀S01
- ⠀ 0831 | house of the dragon (2022)⠀▪⠀S02
- 💻⠀ youtube
- ⠀ 0211 | plagiarism and you(tube) (2023)
- ⠀ 0520 | the loss experienced in change (2024)
- ⠀ 0522 | the surprising secret of synchronization (2021)
- ⠀ 0522 | the biggest myth in education (2021)
- ⠀ 0530 | the frightening potential of horror (2023)
- ⠀ 0830 | booktok, brainrot, and why it’s okay to be a hater (2024)
- 🎬⠀ movies
- ⠀ 0106 | saltburn (2023)
- ⠀ 0110 | bones n all (2022)
- ⠀ 0129 | 12 monkeys (1995)
- ⠀ 0519 | challengers (2024)
- ⠀ 0531 | heathers (1989)
- ⠀ 0625 | shutter island (2010)
- ⠀ 1011 | pacific rim (2013) ↺
- ⠀ 1011 | constantine (2005) ↺
- 📼⠀ animations
- ⠀ 0421 | shigatsu wa kimi no uso (2014)
- ⠀ 0422 | puella magi madoka magica: rebellion (2013)
- ⠀ 0811 | mahou shoujo site (2018)
- ⠀ 1019 | adventure time (2010)⠀▪⠀S01
- ⠀ 1102 | adventure time (2011)⠀▪⠀S02
- ⠀ 1114 | adventure time (2012)⠀▪⠀S03
- ⠀ 11?? | adventure time (2012)⠀▪⠀S04
- 📚⠀ books, poems & etc
- ⠀ 0205 | the yellow wallpaper (charlotte perkins gilman)
- ⠀ 0523 | lost in translation: a conversation with philip gabriel (madeleine knowles)
- ⠀ 0530 | do angels exist? (dante émile)
- ⠀ 0830 | tradutor, traidor – uma entrevista com jorge candeias, tradutor para português da guerra dos tronos
- ⠀ 0909 | a pediatra (andrea del fuego)
- ⠀ 1101 | rip van winkle (washington irvin)
- ⠀ 1101 | the legend of sleepy hollow (washington irvin)
- ⠀ 1113 | the tell-tale heart (edgar allan poe)
- ⠀ 1113 | the cask of amontillado (edgar allan poe) ↺
- ⠀ 1101 | the story of an hour (kate chopin) ↺
jan 3 2024 ∞
nov 18 2024 +
nov 18 2024 +