• What is Your Favourite Word?

I like Antidisestablishmentarianism, coz it's a crazy long word, with so many parts, but suprisingly easy to spell. Just looking to check I didn't get it wrong. I like long complicated cool words like that, but often I don't like the people who use them. I'm odd like that.

• What is your least favourite word?

Whilst! Pisses me off. Nobody says Whilst, you say while, but then people keep using it when they're writing and it annoys me. Clunge. For me it's a much more horrible word than the other C-word.

• What turns you on?

Sense of humour. Yeah right, bollocks! It does. I like people who make me laugh. Someone witty said that "By good sense of humour, women mean 'someone who makes me laugh,' but men mean "someone who laughs at me.'" I think there is a bit of truth in that. I like people who laugh at me, but also like people who make me laugh. Old classics like nice smile and eyes obviously (why is no one so fussed about the ears? Seen some right ugly ears in my time!). Think I slightly prefer brunettes and red heads to blondes.

• What turns you off?

Beards are not terribly pleasant on women, but I'm a bit desperate at this stage.

• What sound or noise do you love?

My own voice. I joke. It's annoying. I hate hearring it on recordings. Thank you all so much for putting up with it. I like The fizz when you open a new bottle of coke. Alan Rickman's voice. Clicking open and closed a DVD box. The thud when you close the things in the middle of a folder. I like noisey buttons, like using a keyboard, and I like my phone to make a clicking noise when I push a button.

• What sound or noise do you hate?

"Pimped" cars when the exhaust is far too loud, rattles my house and my teeth. It's really not cool. Long nails scratching at tights. The noise of the central heating pipes in the night.

• What is your favourite curse word?

Cunt. I love how much more offensive it is that the F-Word. People who wouldn't give a flying anything about the F-Word, are genuinely offended by the C-Word. I don't know why. It interests me and I like the power of it. Also 'fiddlesticks' just a ridiculous way to swear.

• What profession other than your own would you attempt?

Anything that's gainful employment. Lawyer would be fun I reckon. I'd like to be an angry shouty lawyer. Maybe Ammertuer sleuth. or retired person.

• What profession would you not like to do?

MP. I'm quite into politics, but I realise I couldn't be as much of an idealist if I actually had to make my promises come true. I prefer the shouting about things to the practicality of improving them. Also I couldn't put up with the amount of shit they get. Bin man, builder, things like that. I'm not good at anything practical or useful.

• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Sorry about the flood. I was in a really bad mood, I was having a really bad day. I can never apologise enough for that genocide, and I can understand why you didn't want to believe in me after that, but in you come, we have a bowling alley and top less waitresses.