The Trivial Timeline of Ben Stebbings

A "through-the-years" of my life - only instead of picking out the people and events that have effected me and contributed directly in the making of the strong, flawless man you see before you today, this is a timeline listing incidents and events which had no effect or bearing on my life whatsoever but still pop up in my memory from time to time, begging for attention and acknowledgement. If these things were not in my life and they hadn't occurred absolutely nothing would change.

• 1994ish Ben teaches his brother how to say the word 'Racing Car'.
• 1995ish Ben tricks his brother into doing a poo in his back garden.
• 1997ish Ben's mum tells him Lady Diana has died in a car crash. Ben shrugs his shoulders and goes back to eating his bowl of cornflakes.
• 1998ish Ben falls off his bike in the park and brusies himself in places you shouldn't get bruised. Ben doesn't bike for a while afterwards.
• 1998ish Ben joins the Lowestoft Cub Scouts 14th Division. Hilarity ensues.
• 1998ish Ben's mum dresses him as Gepetto for a school fancy dress competition. Ben wins said fancy dress competition.
• 1999ish Ben gets shot in the back of the head by a boy with a BB gun causing him to cry and bleed a bit.
• 2001 Ben's mum tells him the Twin Towers have been attacked by terrorists. Ben shrugs his shoulders and goes back to eating his bowl of cornflakes. He eats cereal at all times of the day.
• 2002ish Ben is bitten on the shoulder hard by his brother breaking skin. He realises his brother is becoming a man.
• 2002 Ben rips his coat on fence railings whilst playing behind his local church. Ben fails to realise at the time how close he came to impaling himself.
• 2003 Ben watches as one of his friends has their face attacked by a petrified cat. Ben laughs.
• 2003 Ben stars as Angel Gabriel in his school's play - a role which requires him to rap. Ben excels in the role.
• 2004 Ben watches a Norwich City game. A linesman makes a bad call and someone shouts "He needs glasses". Ben shouts "And some hair". Everyone laughs.
• 2005 Ben gets given a job with the world's most boring computer company for work experience. He spends all day spinning on chairs and wishing he could be working anywhere else.
• 2005 Ben is playing football with some older strangers. One of the strangers asks him why the front of his hair is shaped sort of like a triangle. Ben replies with "I like triangles". No one laughs.
• 2006 Ben paints daisies on portable toilets during a summer job.
• 2006 Ben goes sledging.
• 2008 Ben forces himself to drink boiling, black coffee to fit in. He discovers a liking for coffee but prefers having milk with it.
• 2008 Ben meets Matt Pratt.