Wall-to-Walls - Me and Lee

A choice selection of some of mine and Peeelaaar's wall-to-walls. This box is categorized 'friends' because 'cunts' didn't exist...

• Ben to Lee: The relationship begins...

"Alright champ. You have a good night last night? If you did then I'm claiming partial responsability for your good night as I convinced you to come out. Go me!"

• Ben to Lee: The nicknames start...

"Good thing I had that tie last night otherwise who knows what sexual happenings would have gone on!

3 Es1 L3 As

Lee Peeelaaar

Don't you forget it..."

• Lee to Ben: Lee's intentions become clear...

"I've Literally Just Realised How Much I Love You.

It's Quite A Lot.

I'd Keep The Tie On Around Me Man...

x"

• Ben to Lee: First signs of the hate...

"...I'm gona burn one of your hats and if you get in my way I'm gona burn you too...."

• Lee to Ben: First signs of reciprocated hate...

"You Are The Perfect Image Of East Anglian People Everywhere. Hahaa."

• Lee to Ben: The beginning of trademark banter...

"I Have Come Up With A Superpower For The Arganator!!

It's Supplying Minimal Knowledge On The History Of The AGA Cooker, Which, Don't You Know, Was Created By Dr. Dalen In 1912 After He Turned Blind When Creating A Porous Container For Gases.

That's One Of My Not Entirely Endless List Of AGA Cooker Facts.

PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH AND EDUCATIONAL TEACHINGS OF THE ARGONATOR!!

RAWR!"

• Ben to Lee: In reference to 'The Incident'...

"It shouldn't be that way though. The main thing is other than those thirty-two pigs and that walrus, we all walked out alive and for the most part, with all limbs intact. Sure you could have done better but it wasn't your fault. You could just as well say it was The Grinch's fault for not tightening the bolts on that Flazznocontraptor or Mike and the Mechanics fault for leaving that Ford Mondeo down the well. You just can't assign blame to anyone. These things happen. I too wake up to the sounds of children whaling. Why we let those youngens hunt whales in the first place I will never know but there's nothing we can do now. It's done. Move on."

• Lee to Ben: In-Jokes...

"Do You Remember Those Times That Luke And Dan Both Killed A Horse Each?"

• Ben to Lee: The most ridiculous named characters of all time...

"I have a vague memory. Luke and Dan or Little Pig Robinson and Johnny Town Mouse?"

• Lee to Ben: Celeb deaths...

"Heath Ledger... Michael Jackson... Stephen Gately.

You Were Right Ben.

It Happened In Threes.

God's Picking Them Off Slowly, Building Up In Influence And Talent As He Goes..."

• Ben to Lee: Epic phrases...

"Stoop Pigeon!"

• Ben to Lee: Failed dreams...

" I just got so close to beating your towerbloxx score my arm was literally shaking. That's how much it means to me. Not that I'm top but that I'm higher than you. Just picturing that look of disappointment on your face is all the motivation I need!"

• Lee to Ben: Unfulfilled prophecies...

"And So The Rise Of Brockbanks Begins..."

• Lee to Ben: Treasured memories...

" I Just Remembered This Conversation From Last Night:

'Hi, Can You Open The Door To Your Halls Please?'

'Do You Need To Come In?'

'Yes. We NEED To Come In.'

I Think That's The Most Sarcastic Thing I've Ever Heard You Say. And You're Pretty Darn Sarcastic. x"

• Lee to Ben: High ambitions...

"Thursday Lecture Is Cancelled.

We've Been Given The Gift Of Time.

We Can Do Whatever We Want.

We Can Rule The World.

We Can Raise A Small Army Of Midgets, Paint Them Orange And Green And Send Them Into Cadburys World To Steal Us Chocolate.

We Can Sculpt A Life Size Model Of Lewis Out Of Butter.

We Can Carbon Date Brockbanks.

The World Is Our Oyster. x"

• Ben to Lee: Accurate assessments...

"If you were a character off a popular TV sitcom of the last twenty years you'd be Tucker. He's shit. You're shit."

• Lee to Ben: Turd talk...

"Never Again Will I Be Able To Use The Word 'Meaty' Without Thinking Of... That..."

• Lee to Ben: Flyers inspired entertainment...

"Following on from our discussion on awful film synopsis', here is one about a film on BBC iPlayer.

'Extreme conditions force two Antarctic explorers to leave their team of sled dogs behind.'

The film is 2 hours long... x"

• Lee to Ben: Amazing discoveries...

"It tastes like keys!! x"

• Ben to Lee: Re-imagining history...

"'Mein fuhrer the Russians are closing in on the bunker'

'Hey Goebbels you know that really fine beef jerky you can get. The really delicate, well-made stuff, where do you think I'd find that?'

'Mein fuhrer I really think your underestimating the gravity of...'

'That really deliscious, shit y'know. That's what I want me a piece of. That real fine jerky.'

'I think there are more pressing conc...'

'GIVE ME BEEF JERKY!!!'"

• Ben to Lee: Luke...

""I guess that's the last bear I'll be killing for a while" - Wipes the sweat off his bare, rugged man-chest with a cloth-"

• Lee to Ben: The SaucePan Game...

"HOW do you mime Dale Winton?"

• Ben to Lee: Lee Lookalikes...

"Go on. Create some controversy. Stir the pot. Put a picture of what you can only assume is some deformed, half-breed baby as your profile picture."

• Lee to Ben: Steve Ashworth...

"Did you get my baby aborted?'

'Look Steve, she didn't want it, and she needed someone there - you have to understand this.'

'I know I may be wearing a morph suit right now, but I will stab you right here with this steak knife I carry around in my satchel for getting my child aborted!'

'She wanted me there Steve. She needed support. Support you weren't giving her!'

'I don't care. I will stab you. I'm sure the rest of the boys will support me in this attack and maintain the close friendship that I have with them, because you aborted my child, and I am going to stab you for it.'"

• Lee to Ben: Mr Ed the talking horse...

"Aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha.

That is by far the single most ridiculous thing I have EVER seen in my life.

I've seen Brockbanks do the splits, I've seen Tunde with a giant spider in his hair, I've seen John jump on balloons while shouting 'SUPER MARIO', I've seen Lewis windmill his penis, I've seen you piss on a dancefloor, I've seen Rich dressed as a half human, half zebra, but a talking, black and white horse called MR. ED with his own theme song is quite definiately the most absurd thing I have ever witnessed in all my time.

Thank you.

Thank you so very much."

TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER DATE