nobody will ever love me enough.

how can i so full of myself to think i can be in love with anyone, why do i always think about myself so much i put myself higher than anyone else. you know what your roots are girl, you are born out of despair and hatred and you will not get the love and treasure you want from anyone. you can’t even demand that from yourself, how can you demand people to voluntarily treasure you? you are sick

until when i have my own voice, until when i will not the a mirror of everything i absorb, until when i can pick up love and swallow it whole, until when i stop being torn down by my own imagination

you keep spooning me and feeding me with all of your lies, and i keep regurgitating and digesting and spitting your relentless, faulty lies. what is even our relationship without all of your lies and my torn façade. im fucking stupid, stupidest human being ever. people laugh at my idiocy, at my stupidity, everyone keeps telling me lies and i just keep buying them, keep using them to make me to sleep. im a fucking idiot. fuck.

i might yearn for it if u continue to do it you know?

my baby here on earth, send all my heart to you.

i guess time does change everybody from a “dream comes true” to a “used to be i’ve found a place to rest my weary head in moments i never thought i could make myself to bed

i have been too delusional, i have cocooned in my happy bubble house for so long i forgot im unworthy of even a slightest chance with anyone, i may face loneliness for the rest of my life, don’t i ever dare to imagine someone would think about me before they sleep, don’t i dare to have my love reciprocated. let me loiter around in my own pipe dream. 最深、最愛、最低、再生、最低性の思いやり。会いたい人に黙っていたから、漂うだけでいいのね。

i may die alone, i may live alone for the rest of my life. it's not that im constantly seeking love, but im worthless and unworthy and unlovable to the point no one will ever love me. i will be always used as a step stone for them to find a better person. i have always been myself, then why no one loves me, you told me not to worry and love myself more, but i have loved myself enough. i even stopped to seek...

you are not that important and you are not a god. i’m not religious and i don’t really believe in any religions, but sometimes i hope there’s a god for me to believe in. i’m tired of not having anyone to console in and pretend to listen to me. even my friend cannot be god, ‘cause god is a stranger and will always be a stranger.

i don’t like the smell of perfume. perfume is fake, too sharp, too pointy. perfume is odd, why do ones like the smell of something so artificial and synthetic? ones are being trapped in the box of scents and thinking ones’ lives can be changed after some dull, tedious and nature-imitating notes. you can never imitate nature, you can never be absorbed in the warm radiance of sunshine in the morning, the eeriness of catholic churches on one sunday morning, the earthy smell of forests after heavy rain shower if you do not even know what they truly are. imitation is always imitation, imitation is fake, imitation is camp. it’s not a bad thing at all. but imitation without consciousness is putting ones in hell without a single passing ticket to heaven.

have u ever cried yourself to sleep because the chance of you never getting love in this life line is higher than you committing unsuccessful suicide oh my god i do not like being single, i am not happy with myself but it does not mean i do not love myself. (i actually do not). i just want love and that is nothing relevant to me loving myself and the thing that is "just love yourself and others will love you". it makes me loathe myself for not trying hard enough. i am so desperate anyone come to me right now and that feeling with linger for weeks. i hate myself.