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- I said, “What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive—gate-crashing cocktail parties?”
- “Of course they don’t have eyebrows. Everyone’s got eyebrows. Why would you need a spare pair?” I said, “I haven’t got any anymore. I shaved them off by mistake.”
- omg
- I was just about to tell him (even though in our plan it wasn’t really his turn) . . . when a Sex God came out of the back room. I swear he was so gorgeous it made you blink and open your mouth like a goldfish.
- Jackie said we were going to do a black-art act of levitation, calling on the dark forces to help us. Oh goodie, we’re summoning the devil. What larks.
- Why, I thought, oh, why am I here? Maybe if we are going to be forced to commune with the devil, I could strike some sort of bargain with him, like swap my dad’s soul in exchange for bigger breasts for the party on Friday.
- What does it mean when a boy rests his hand on your breast? Does it mean he has the megahorn? Or was his hand just tired?
- Jas thought. “He’s got a very big mouth.” I said, “Yes, I know,” and then she said, “But then so have you.”
- Do I want him to be my boyfriend? I don’t think he’s very bright but he might turn out to be a brilliant footballer and then I could marry him and be kept in luxury.
- But he spoke to me. “Nice company you keep.” I had to stop then. I was livid. I wanted to say something really clever and cutting and witty. Something that would let him know I was someone to be careful with. So I said, “I think you are mistaking me for someone who is interested in what you have to say.” And I walked on.
- nailed it
- “Absolutely first-class, most thrilling.
- Once in the privacy of the changing room I began to get undressed for a well-deserved shower. When I had got down to my (well-filled D-cup) bra and knickers I was startled to find someone had come in the room. It was Leonardo DiCaprio. He said, “I’m sorry, did I startle you?” Then he started covering my quivering (but extremely fit and tanned) body with kisses. Just then someone else came in. I pulled away from Leo but Leo said, “It’s OK, it’s only Brad,” and Brad Pitt came and joined us.
- omg let me in on that dream
- I hid behind the others while I scrambled into my pajamas. Tom winked at me. “I should tell my brother what he’s missing.” I went purple.
- OMG I WOULD DIE
aug 1 2015 ∞
aug 1 2015 +
aug 1 2015 +