Unbeknownst to them, we students do pay attention. Organized by teacher with newest quotes on top.

Mr. Farmer, IB coordinator

• There are two components to an IB student: procrastination and good grades.
• English is all about BSing.
• The hole punch is coming around, and stick your little green worm into the hole.
• dialogue
  • Reece: Say I was prostituting my body to teachers for grades.
  • Mr. Farmer: (edges away from Reece)
• dialogue
  • Mr. Farmer: This is where we use your single sheet of paper to write our ToK essay.
  • Anna: Uh oh. I covered it in mathematics.
  • Callie: I used mine to draw a picture of you, your wife, and your black baby.
• dialogue
  • Mr. Farmer: If you're at a stoplight at 3 a.m., can you run it?
  • Alex M.: No cop, no stop.
• dialogue
  • Mr. Farmer: (reading) We are just about ready to go home when Rebecca remembers the special cupcakes.
  • Kelsey M.: How can you forget about those?!
• Dolphins! Does anyone want beautiful, playful dolphins?

Mr. Gordon, principal

• The worst of the storm is over. It was a light sprinkle.
• Our next game is against Oviedo. We don't like Oviedo.
• Hey, guys. Be careful this weekend. Use the sidewalks.
• As you may be able to tell, the lights are back on.
• I just wanna remind you all of the law enforcement of the seat belt law.

Ms. Grant, chemistry

• Once someone's dead, you . . . Barium!
• Don't do any "don't dos".
• You have annoyed me to the nth power.
• Nuh uh. You in B. Grant's world now.

Mr. Ivey, psychology

• A screaming kid in a store: I take a cart and run over him. The kid may not be smiling, but I am. (demonstrating negative reinforecement)
• People get me and Brad Pitt confused all the time. Takes them awhile to figure out the difference.
• Notice Father never commits to anything. Smart man.
• My family has a gene for extremely good looks.

Sra. Mejía, Spanish III, Spanish IV

• The majority of you will have a nice life. (her farewell to IB seniors)
• I was not insulting you; it was a Spanish joke.
• Those I like. (grabbing someone's Cheetos after giving away a doughnut)
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: Reuben, do you want something?
  • Reuben: I want to sharpen my pencil, but I'm waiting for you to stop talking.
  • (class laughs)
  • Reuben: No, I didn't mean it like that. I can stick it in there if you want. I was trying to be polite.
• You can leave someone. It happened with my kids once. In St. Petersburg. But there was an explanation!
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: ¿Quienes no tomar el examen el viernes?
  • Anna: (raises hand) ¡Gracias, Señora!
  • Sra. Mejía: (stares)
  • Anna: Didn't you say we don't have to take the exam on Friday?
  • Sra. Mejía: I said, "Who did not take the exam?"
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: ¿Qué comiste, Anna?
  • Anna: What did I eat?
  • Sra. Mejía: ¿Comiste un papagayo?
  • Anna: Did you ask if I ate a parrot? You're the second Spanish teacher to ask me that.
  • Sra. Mejía: Who was the first?
  • Anna: Carmona.
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: Don't let them know, girls, but you have to wear the pants in the house.
  • Aaron: Or not.
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: Is somebody in my storage? Will, are you in there with a girl?
  • Will: No, I was by myself.
  • Sra. Mejía: Why?
  • Will: You wanna go see?
  • Sra. Mejía: What were you doing in there?
  • Will: I was looking for a cup.
• It must be nice having a locker in the bathroom. You can get rid of two things at the same time. (noticing students have to go to the bathroom when they forget their homework)
• We don't have to swim or find a raft or hide under an airplane. (explaining Puerto Ricans' American citizenship)
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: Pick una novia, Aaron.
  • (boys raise their hands)
  • Sra. Mejía: No, this is Florida. Gay marriage hasn't been approved.
• Unless you're crazy in la cabeza, you're not going to give commands to yourself.
• They're alike. The name, not the profession. (confusing Mary-Margaret with Mary Magdalene)
• dialogue
  • Sra. Mejía: Women were the first slaves, not black people.
  • Alan: You're like the Martin Luther King of women.
• I'm going to sacrifice my grandkids.
• I love you, Meagan. You look like my Zoey, but I hope she does not turn out like you.
• I'm from a different country. How come you don't get excited about me? (referring to girls swooning over the very attractive Danish visitors)
• dialogue
  • Sarah D.: Saco fotos en la playa.
  • Sra. Mejía: Ohhh. Of chicos muy guapos, verdad?
  • Sarah D.: No, only in Denmark.
• Why make your life miserable? But if you want me to, I will.
• I'm the teacher. I don't get mad. I get even.
• I will go and take a pill if I have to tonight.
• You like kidneys?
• I have to get close to him to tell him. This is not sexual harassment. (while playing Telephone)

Mr. Nusbaum, biology II

• How many X chromosomes do you have? (to a whiny boy)
• You might want to remember that as you go into the dating process, what you see and what you get are two different things. (on the difference between phenotypes and genotypes)
• Did you guys just walk out of a meth lab? What's wrong with you?
• Get your planners out mucho quicko.
• I know my horses are happy. My kids would go without food before those horses do.
• Do you have one of those doohickeys that you shove in there? (referring to flash drives)
• You're about to witness the speed of light. (preparing students for a quick lesson)
• dialogue
  • Interviewer: What would you do if you won Miss America?
  • Mr. Nusbaum: I would start trying on dresses, but only if they matched my shoes.
• Family is like fish: when they hang around too long, they start to smell.
• There were rumors that Walt Disney was in a cryogenic chamber, but apparently that's not true because everybody knows he's buried underneath the castle in Magic Kingdom.
• Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. I didn't take either of 'em 'cause they both looked scary.
• Put your hood down. There's no gang-related activity in this room.
• dialogue
  • Michelle: (whines) We've gotta exercise?
  • Mr. Nusbaum: People my age are supposed to say it like that.
• We die earlier because we have to live with females. (making excuses for males' shorter life spans)
• It pains me, but males are the weaker of the sexes.
• They paid everything except $717, I still remember that. (referring to his insurance company)
• Homie don't do that.
• I was lying before. This one's true.
• I'm supposed to win the lottery, but I haven't.
• The biggest rat I ever saw in my life was in Chicago. I'm not even kidding. Looked like a cat.
• I know what was going on in your ovaries during the time of conception.
• You better get on that like a bum on a ham sandwich.
• That's not cheating. That's using your resources wisely.
• Studies were in one direction. Girls and parties in another. Of course I took the latter route. (reminiscing about college)
• My name is Mr. Nusbaum. That's "Nus" as in a noose that goes around your neck and "baum" as in a bomb that blows up the school. Now, I know that's not politically correct, but that's how you pronounce it.

Ms. Pelley, 2D art

• Man, that was the most tasteless glob of yogurt I've ever eaten. Healthy shit sucks. I want fat!
• Wait, why are we finding me a husband?
• We were crazy hippie flower children, running around with no bra.
• Freedom comes with a price, so you've gotta mooch off of your parents for as long as you can.
• Telling strangers your intent can be scary. You don't want someone saying, "Why did you use black? Are you sexually repressed?"

Ms. Pranke, photography

• I'm the Simon Cowell of visual arts right now.
• This weekend get some dates, get some action, and you'll all feel better by next week.
• I don't know why I'm so obsessed with hotel toiletries.
• Go spread them in the hall.
• RESPECT YOUR WORK!
• Holy shit! I'm lost in a 300 B.C. town! (on getting lost in Mexico)
• It's up to you if you want to put your models together and play with them.
• Look at my sparklies!

Ms. Rengel, American history

• Of course there's alcohol involved in mud volleyball because why would anyone play if they were sober?
• dialogue
  • Alan: I spelled "university" wrong.
  • Ms. Rengel: Honey, you better pick a college.
• If we all keep talking, then maybe we'll eventually get the right answer.
• I love the Depression.
• That's a scary thing, hearing a potato hit your portable.
• If I tell you to learn the song "Reproduction" I might get in trouble. I mean, how many songs have the words "egg" and "sperm" in it?
• What's wrong with y'all? You're here! (the entire class is rarely present)
• When you're in college and you've spent all your money on books and pencils, hopefully . . .
• Beer prices just went down in Germany.
• Make like a baby and head out.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rengel: Did I tell you what he did to himself before he killed John Wilkes Booth?
  • Class: Castrated himself.
  • Ms. Rengel: Okay, good. For those who don't know what castration is, I leave it be.
• Gettysburg is a freaking huge history teacher playground!
• His real name is Thomas. His mama did not name him Stonewall.
• He will have a lifetime wife and all that good junk.
• He doesn't just have issues; he's got a whole subscription.
• America loves to hate. Name a group, we'll hate 'em.
• We beat slavery to death.
• America: It's not just a place, it's a philosophy.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rengel: Who was the first president of the United States? WASHINGTON!
  • Chris: Not after the Constitution was ratified— Oh, wait.
• Lyncoya Jackson. God, that sounds like one of the Jackson Five. (referring to Andrew Jackson's adopted Indian son)
• The Indian women thought Clark's black manservant was very special; they all wanted to . . . mate with him, so he was very helpful with relations.
• You just get so used to having . . . time. (referring to school breaks)
• Context is important. You've gotta put everything in context.
• Trevor! Would you keep your hands off other boys' nipples?!!
• He was talking about the seventh amendment, so I pulled out my pocket Constitution.
• I feel hung over.
• Google "used cows"?

Ms. Rushing, contemporary history

• dialogue, playing Jeopardy
  • Alan: Where our daily doubles at?
  • Ms. Rushing: Oh! (flips through notes) That's what those litle details are.
• dialogue, playing Jeopardy
  • Catie: Time!
  • Boys: Time's up!
  • Ms. Rushing: (with feigned innocence) Oh, is it time?
• Here we go, girls. Don't you dare miss this one. (playing favorites during Jeopardy)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Let's do girls versus guys.
  • (Sarah Z., Emily, and I stay on the boys' side)
  • Ms. Rushing: If you girls went over there, I would've helped you out, if you know what I mean. (winks)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Let's go over World War I and World War II. Tomorrow, we'll play Jeopardy.
  • Emily: Do we get a prize?
  • Kelsey: The satisfaction of knowing—
  • Emily: Shut up, Kelsey.
• I hate to tell you this, but swine flu hits your age group the hardest.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: You're too old for parties!
  • McAlister: That's why you're so unhappy, if that's your philosophy.
• dialogue
  • Sarah Z.: I'm getting married!
  • Ms. Rushing: To who?
  • Sarah Z.: Will R———. He's a junior.
  • Ms. Rushing: Oh, you girls and your young boys. Well, be sure you name your first child after me.
• dialogue
  • Emily: No more Mondays forever!
  • Ms. Rushing: You still have Mondays.
  • Emily: Fine. In college, but not in high school.
  • Ms. Rushing: Yes, you do. Testing begins Monday.
  • Emily: Way to be a killjoy, Ms. Rushing.
• Reagan was lucky that he got to deal with Gorbachev. He was unlike any Soviet leader we've ever seen. He smiled!
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Do you know John Edward's famous phrase?
  • Chris: Give me liberty or give me death.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: How wet are you?
  • Class: That's what he said!
  • McAlister: You can say "she". Let's be politically correct here.
• I don't know what wrong with this kid. (referring to Trevor)
• Do you two have a special relationship? (to Chris and Trevor)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Well, how do you tell who's a terrorist?
  • Sarah Z.: Their moustache.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Did you know Howard Zinn was a bomber in World War II?
  • Trevor: Kamikaze?
• You'll always be Italian to me, Sofia.
• dialogue
  • Sofia: This (test) is so long!
  • Trevor: That's what she said.
  • Ms. Rushing: That is funny. (to something unrelated)
• No hanky panky. (after turning off the lights for a movie)
• I was gettin' ready to frisk people.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: He calls him "Dullith". Churchill is so witty.
  • Emily: Rushing has a crush.
  • Ms. Rushing: Yes, I do. He's so cute.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: I know you guys don't believe me, but the stuff you lean in here is very relevant.
  • McAlister: If you don't learn it, you just might become president.
• I'm gonna have to quit reading books (about cruel dictators). It's getting to where I can't sleep at night.
• I like movies where people die a clean death, just grab their stomachs and topple over.
• Persecution of the Jews is gonna pay off big time. (referring to Einstein warning FDR of Hitler's atom bomb)
• dialogue
  • Ivan: I wanna talk about some history.
  • Ms. Rushing: (beams)
  • Ivan: Yesterday . . . was the most exciting Superbowl I've ever seen.
  • Ms. Rushing: (head falls)
• dialogue
  • Michelle: Ms. Rushing, you were an English teacher?
  • Ms. Rushing: Uh-huh!
  • McAlister: And a pirate.
  • Ms. Rushing: Oh, that was long ago.
• What else did I not talk about?
• You could have a German with a monocle reading your essay. (warning students against sounding anti-German)
• Wait, wait, wait. Hold it. McAlister, you knit?
• He used to always ask, "If there are two senators from each state, how are there only 100 senators?" I thought he had a math problem. Turned out he thought there were 52 states! (referring to Trevor's brother)
• dialogue
  • Reece: Oh, God!
  • Ms. Rushing: I don't think He's gonna help you right now. Unless you did your reading.
  • Anna: I did my reading. Does that mean Jesus is gonna help the little Jewish girl?
• I asked first period's advice, so now you're stuck with it. I'll be happy to name names.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Y'all are easily distracted, did you know that?
  • McAlister: As are you.
• Don't write the way I talk in class.
• I didn't tell you my chicken joke? It's my favorite joke in the world. No one ever laughs at it.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: They're gonna have people's ages on the screen and some of them are really old. Just warning you now so I don't get a, "Oh, my God. He's 113?"
  • Class: 113?!
• I just love it when I kill trees. (after handing everyone copies of a reading assignment)
• dialogue
  • (Gwynna enters classroom)
  • Ms. Rushing: Jeez! How tall are you?
  • Gwynna: Um, 5'2"?
  • Ms. Rushing: No, you're not!
• dialogue
  • Kelsey M.: The chants were in syllables of three.
  • Ms. Rushing: I didn't realize that. (clapping) O-bam-a. Yes-we-can.
  • Ivan: (clapping his hands over his head, with ridiculous accent) We loves the Deutschland! We loves the Deutschland!
• Oh! (beaming) I should move things back every day. (after Sonya gives her chocolate for extending a reading assignment)
• Everybody go home tonight and pop your popcorn, grab your Snickers and your diet Pepsi. (encouraging students to watch electoral news coverage)
• There was a Japo-Russo— (covers mouth) Japo! I think I just said a derogatory word.
• I need one of those fire extinguishers so I can spray you whenever you say something I don't like.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: This book's got a lot of military strategy, so the guys might enjoy this one.
  • Ivan: (growling) Testosterone.
  • McAlister: This book's written by a girl.
  • Ivan: What? (roars and feigns tearing book apart)
• This is highly entertaining. (referring to Reece's arguments)
• You may think you have an opinion of George Bush. I certainly don't. I try to stay above all that.
• I may be Republican, you don't know.
• I have a picture somewhere of Europeans' heads on the road. (laughs) A hundred years later you can laugh about it, but it wasn't funny then.
• dialogue
  • Trevor: I say you be Mao, Ms. Schoene.
  • Ms. Rushing: No, and I'm not Ms. Schoene.
  • Callie: You look like Ms. Schoene.
  • Ms. Rushing: No, I don't. Ms. Schoene's much older. You be sure and tell her I said that.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: Who speaks Cantonese?
  • Alan: Just me.
  • Ms. Rushing: (perplexed)
  • Alan: Oh! You mean in the world.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Rushing: I need a Mao.
  • Alan: I need a cat.
• You know, cheese doesn't make any noise. (on classroom-friendly snacks)

Ms. Schoene, English IV

• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Abby and Callie signed up to be the conservative voices of 4th period.
  • McAlister: Abby's become more liberal since then.
  • Ms. Schoene: Good.
• Trevor certainly added to the sexual banter.
• dialogue
  • Yoni: I heard your last class had a heated discussion about what constitutes a slut.
  • Ms. Schoene: Yes, we did.
  • Yoni: Well, I think—
  • Ms. Schoene: Let's talk about the poem first.
  • Reece: Wait— I think he's got a valid point: let's hear it.
• My heart's starting to pound. I don't want to talk about this. (on what constitutes virginity)
• I'm gonna wring your neck! (to Reece)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Roosters are these virulent male animals. It's why they are also referred to as cocks. You know, like cocky. Or, you can call the male member a cock. It's this testosterone filled . . . whatever.
  • Ivan: (roars) Testosterone!
  • Ms. Schoene: Of course, Ivan rises.
• dialogue
  • Ivan: What happened with Wendy?
  • Ms. Schoene: All I know is she withdrew from the IB program Friday.
  • Yoni: What! I love Wendy!
  • Ms. Schoene: I do, too. And I hope that wasn't a sarcastic comment.
  • Yoni: No, she's the woman! She's the coolest Asian I know, other than Rox.
• dialogue
  • Reece: Have you ever been to a party in the Congo?
  • Ms. Schoene: No, I have never been to a party in the Congo.
  • McAlister: Have you ever been to a party with Belgian waffles?
  • Ms. Schoene: No.
  • Yoni: Have you ever been to a party where you thought you were in the Congo?
  • Ms. Schoene: Maybe that.
• dialogue
  • Yoni: Where you stayin' (at the beach)?
  • Ms. Schoene: I'm not telling you.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Charlie, what are you doing?
  • Yoni: He's preparing for this class.
  • Ms. Schoene: Did I ask you?
  • Yoni: I'm Jewish. We represent each other.
• dialogue
  • Alex J.: (as Joe Christmas) I hate all women.
  • Ms. Schoene: Did you hate Bobbie?
  • Alex J.: Oh. No.
  • Ms. Schoene: Why did you have affections for her?
  • Alex J.: She had big hands.
• dialogue
  • McAlister: I think (presidency) requires more patience.
  • Ms. Schoene: (offended) I have plenty of patience!
  • McAlister: (taken aback) Do you? (leans forward) Let's see how much.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: We went to Morissey's Station—
  • Yoni: Bad idea. Diarrhea Central.
• I'm going to Colorado in April, so I'll keep an eye out. (after someone mentioned there were no black people in Colorado)
• Slow down. I missed about half of what you just said. (to Margaret)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: A man whose name I didn't recognize had a naked picture and tried adding me (on Facebook). What am I supposed to do?
  • Kurt: You report it.
  • Ms. Schoene: I can report it? I just hit ignore. Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: These sentences are too short and choppy. It sounds elementary.
  • Ivan: So Ernest Hemingway is elementary?
  • Ms. Schoene: YES!
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: You look like you're pouting.
  • Ivan: Well, yeah. I just got yelled at.
• Were you born this way? (to Yoni)
• dialogue (after an all-male group's Hamlet performance)
  • Ms. Schoene: He has a bosom, but doesn't know how to say it.
  • Yoni: I said bosom!
  • Ms. Schoene: No, you said boss-um.
  • Yoni: It was in the heat of the moment!
• dialogue
  • Yoni: Did you know Mrs. Marr (when you first started teaching)?
  • Ms. Schoene: Yeah, I knew her.
  • Yoni: Was she hot?
  • Ms. Schoene: (laughs and wipes away tear)
• I don't have a brain that holds numbers.
• dialogue
  • Robert: Do you guys socialize outside of school?
  • Ms. Schoene: No, I go home and sit in my closet.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Frost takes a mundane activity like apple picking—
  • McAlister: And turns it into a spectacularly mundane poem.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: What do you think is the purpose of life? Charlie?
  • Charlie: (mumbles) To get into heaven.
  • Ms. Schoene: What?
  • Class: He said, "To get into heaven."
  • Ms. Schoene: Oh. I won't tell you what I thought you said.
• dialogue
  • McAlister: I looked on K12 Planet and saw I had a C and thought, "That can't be right."
  • Ms. Schoene: No, that's right. A 35 out of 50 is a C.
  • McAlister: But where did the 35 points come from?
• dialogue
  • Michelle: Boss-um? Bus-um?
  • Ms. Schoene: Bosom.
  • Ivan: Where's the bosom?
• Deep cleansing breath. (oblivious to Yoni's awful cologne)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Rox, did you have a question?
  • Rox: Huh? No.
  • Ms. Schoene: Oh, I thought I saw you raise your hand.
  • Yoni: Rox never talks. He and Crystal are gonna have diamond babies.
• dialogue
  • McAlister: Can I read a poem? It's by Robert Frost.
  • Ms. Schoene: I thought you didn't like Robert Frost.
  • McAlister: I don't. But it's called "Ghost House." (later) I'm only doing this in honor of the holiday, not because I like Frost.
  • Ms. Schoene: Oh? I didn't know.
• I, however, am not a submissive woman and will kick your butt if you don't stop talking.
• They're yours now to write in, to sleep with. (referring to Macbeth books)
• I was wondering where that . . . monkey-esque . . . behavior came from. (to Ivan)
• I could do a study of pep rallies. They're so primitive in nature.
• I thought about you last night, and what I thought made me angry. (to Yoni)
• Sometimes I hear what people name their children and I think, "Don't they think about rhythm?"
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: What would you text?
  • Yoni: Sexual things.
  • Ms. Schoene: Okay . . .
  • Yoni: Like you'd ask a girl if she'd do this with a guy. You're a messenger.
  • Ms. Schoene: Why would you put yourself in a position like that?
  • Yoni: If someone isn't capable—
  • Aaron: Why are you pointing at me?
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: Who had "Historical Relations"?
  • Yoni: Oh, I definitely had relations.
  • Ms. Schoene: Historical or hysterical?
• dialogue
  • Ms. Schoene: I don't know why I didn't want guys to see me chew.
  • Robert: (to me) I thought she was talking about tobacco!
• I had a student who was obsessed with Jesus. Everything he wrote for me was about Jesus. I told him, "You really need to write about the assignment."
• After I watched the Republican convention and went to bed last night, I had a panic attack. (referring to Palin's speech)
• I have a heightened sense of tragedy: I was raised Catholic . . . I have a heightened sense of tragedy.

Mr. Serianni, algebra II

• About five minutes ago, I was supposed to tell you, "You have five minutes left," so I'll give you three minutes, how 'bout that? (proctoring an exam)
• dialogue
  • Mr. Serianni: Is that coffee?
  • Jamie: No, it's hot chocolate.
  • Mr. Serianni: Oh, good. You wouldn't want to stunt your growth.
• They don't kill babies. (on Japan's 0% population increase)
• You can't turn in your head. (response to Alex on using mental math on tests)
• Margaret, are you not allowed to talk at home? You haven't taken a breath since I sat down.
• dialogue
  • Gretchen: Why don't you have any kids, Ser-Bear?
  • Mr. Serianni: Because my wife and I are smart.
• dialogue
  • Yoni: She's trying to kill me!
  • Mr. Serianni: And you want me to stop her?
• dialogue
  • Mr. Serianni: What's horizontally-challenged?
  • Nick: It means you're fat.
  • Mr. Serianni: No, that's gravity-enhanced.
• dialogue
  • Mr. Serianni: Trevor, why are you always standing?
  • Jamie: I know! (slams down pencil) I can't even see over him when he's sitting down!
  • Mr. Serianni: Do you want a booster seat?
  • (class laughs)
  • Mr. Serianni: What are you laughing at, Jiye?
• Yesterday was Earth Day. I didn't get her anything.
• No, wait. A chicken and a goose make a goosen. (trying to name the cross between a duck and a chicken)
• dialogue
  • Abby: Way to screw it up, Mr. Serianni!
  • Mr. Serianni: I have tasted my own medicine, and it is bitter.
• dialogue
  • Me (to Jiye): Oh my God, I want to touch Serianni's hair.
  • Mr. Serianni: What was that?
  • Me: Oh, uh . . . Your hair looks really soft.
  • Mr. Serianni: It is really soft.
• Now I can't chew gum on the right side of my mouth. It's really cramping my style.

Ms. Turley, theory of knowledge

• You guys need to stop having siblings.
• Some poor little kids in Asia must be thinking how ridiculous we are wearing butts on our heads. "Oh, look at me, I've got an ass on my head." (referring to Donald Duck hats)
• Is it going to bother that tree frog if it loses its identity?
• Before we go on saying things under our breath that the teacher can hear . . .
• I'm trying to be a better winner. I have a tendency to nyeh-nyeh people which doesn't make me popular at parties.
• Alex's dance moves are a little more suave and debonair as he is preparing for the ladies.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Turley: How do adults play?
  • Alex: (whispers loudly) SEX.
  • Ms. Turley: It's okay, you can say it. Sure, there's foreplay.
  • Alex: And during play and after play.
• Is that how you dance? (to Robert)
• Hush, man!
• My husband's all about total conquest which is why we never play together because he sneak attacks me in war.
• "Ownage" I think they called it.
• It resulted in a lot of sweat, I remember this.
• Go on and become a snake wrangler, child.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Turley: Can I be wrong in my feelings?
  • Chen: You can't be wrong, but you can be weird.
• How many of you have ever been in love, have felt a blush of love, have had a crush, an infatuation, an "Oh, hey, he's hot"?
• I know these walls are off-white, but I don't believe it. And what are you gonna do? Call the men in the white coats to come pick me up.
• Simmer, Mansfield.
• I have no idea what point you're trying to make. (to Reece)
• What color should I use? Let's use pink. Let's go crazy.
• It's all right. I'm trying to be creative by making up new names for you. (after calling Andy "Austin")
• dialogue
  • Oliver: I heard you don't understand the concept of imaginary numbers?
  • Ms. Turley: (tersely) No. I'm fine. I get it.
• If it looks like I am looking at you intimately, I'm not. (when trying to connect names and faces)

Ms. Wilkes, English III

• —Oh, those look good. (distracted by cookies mid-sentence)
• What smart aleck thing did you say? (to Alan)
• I kind of think of her that way, as a poetic badass. (referring to Emily Dickinson)
• Perspective is the only thing adults have over you.
• Maybe your mom's mentally ill, or you are worthless at home. (to Alan)
• I hate vocabulary.
• I'm not debating anymore about abs.
• Oh, well. I'm a happy nut.
• We spend all this time talking about penises, not soul.
• This is a table. It looks like a table. It feels like a table. I don't know how it tastes, and I'm not going to find out.
• dialogue
  • McAlister: What if I complain in sign language?
  • Ms. Wilkes: Then I won't understand you. I would just think you're weird.
• That sounds like the rationale of a serial killer. (to Kelsey M.)
• You guys can discuss after school why you're afraid at night.
• If you're good at feeling . . . (trails off)
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: Some of us have parents—
  • (class laughs)
  • Ms. Wilkes: I was going to use an adjective clause. You didn't let me finish.
• We just sort of poo-poo that idea.
• My sister's a hopeless romantic: she wants someone to find her faults endearing. She's 38 and single.
• Trifling conversation is the social lubricant.
• I don't want to talk about coupons.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: "Love your neighbor; yet don't pull down your hedge." What does that mean?
  • Sofia: Don't commit adultery.
• I'll say this now: No one we read about will be gay in terms of sexuality.
• Ugh, I'm spitting. It's best to just point it out.
• By the way, guys, I spilled food all over myself today.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: "This entire prospect steeped in hot autumn sun." What season is it?
  • Alan: Summer!
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: I don't like leading.
  • Alexis: You're leading this conversation.
• dialogue
  • Jamie: Can I get a pass to the bathroom?
  • Ms. Wilkes: Just go. I don't think anybody'll be out there. If they are, run the other way.
• I'm sorry you missed the nakedness. (to McAlister)
• Last night I was thinking, "Gosh, I talk about sex all the time."
• Some stories were hard to swallow. Like Jonah and the whale.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: You're taught not to be the students' friend.
  • Alexis: You're my friend!
  • Ms. Wilkes: (uncontrollable laughter)
• I want you to decide— Oh. No . . . What I was about to say was stupid.
• (in disbelief) You don't like the smell of babies? Babies and puppies' breath and bellies? (shivers)
• He's the greatest living philosopher today, alive.
• He wasn't cool, but he was very, very interesting.
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: All of you have a fertile . . .
  • Sarah H.: Mind?
  • Ms. Wilkes: Yes, another one of those word games that is dangerous to play.
• Elevate your thoughts before I ask this: What does it mean to come through the back door?
• dialogue
  • Ms. Wilkes: If it were a society of all women, who would care if everything was hanging out?
  • McAlister: I would care, and I would try to find this place.
• You think that's a Proxima. (on the possibility of cameras in the classroom)
• Does everything have to lead to sex?
• "He was just stroking it." That sounds fairly sexual to me. (on vague pronouns)
• Hacker handbook check on Monday. Find it, buy it, steal it. Doesn't matter. Just bring it.
• Remember gerunds? Those transvestite words that pretend to be nouns?
• You are in the process of becoming insulted.
• Plus, it has the "shit" in it. Sticks in the brain.

MISCELLANEOUS:

• "I had a student named Sooner. I asked if she had a sister named Later and she started crying." -Mr. Stark
• "If you're not out there, the girls are gonna find you and provide consequences." -Mr. Byrne
• "Hush! I can't hear me, and I'm loud." -Ms. Honor
• "My name's Ms. Honor, for those who don't know me, veteran Winter Park teacher 36 years, so don't even think about trying anything with me." -Ms. Honor, as a substitute
• "Excuse me. There are some people who want to finish their education. If you choose not to, don't breathe too loudly." -Mr. Etling
• "I have to give you a Roosevelt packet. It's due Thursday, so just put it in your backpack and forget about it till Wednesday." -Mr. McCall
• dialogue
  • Mr. Hill: Hey, Shewchuck, you know where that water fountain is out there?
  • (Mr. Shewchuk leaves)
  • Mr. Hill: Where are you going?
  • Mr. Shewchuk: Well, I'm out here. I don't know what you want me to do.
  • Mr. Hill: I just asked if you knew where it was. I didn't tell you to go look.
• "Math completes me. And my girlfriend . . . Please don't tell my girlfriend that I said math completes me." -Mr. Dungan
• "I still count on my fingers, and even then I get it wrong." -Ms. Kurz
• dialogue
  • Mr. Worcester: Hello, Hilary.
  • Hilary: What's that?
  • Mr. Worcester: An article. It says you're a pain.