- "You should write 'Juanuary' the whole junth!" -Abby
- "Hello, my name is Juan!" -Abby
- "Oh, p'duck you, Jamie." -Abby
- "Can we M-factor this baby, sir?" -Trevor
- "Isolate it." -Trevor's response on how to get 'e' by itself
- "You’re just jealous because I sound like Michael Jackson." -Iesl
- "I laugh like a hyena. I am aware of this." -overheard at Borders
- dialogue
- Abby: But you're wearing a butterfly ring! That automatically makes life awesome!
- Jamie: Yeah, but I'm also wearing black. They cancel each other out and then I can form my own opinion in the endless void left behind.
- "That was intense! Haha—in tens!" -Abby's poor attempt at a math joke
- "Who wants to touch a bra? They want to touch what is inside." -Mom
- "I’m connected to the gum I chew." -Iesl
- "Hey, you got your style back!" -Abby to Mr. Serianni
- "Having rainbow eyes would be so creepy! It'd be like, 'I see gay people!'" -Jamie
- "Yeah, I'm in the Marine Corps." -Trevor
- "I can't show it to you before you see it." -Andrew A.
- "Let's go to my toilet." -Iesl
- dialogue
- Michael: I hate asking you these girly questions.
- Me: Wow, you are a girl.
- Michael: No! I am a man.
- Me: You're a girl.
- Michael: I am not a girl. I am a man. I am a man-boy.
- "Don't eat with your mouth full!" -Iesl
- dialogue
- Andrew J.: My grandfather was in the Pentagon when the plane hit it.
- Mom: That's good.
- "Take some of my fat. I don't mind." -Mom
- dialogue
- Someone in the crowd: Grow a moustache!
- Eric (The Sugar Oaks): I can't.
- "You didn't even zip up the jeef berky." -Iesl
- "You don't even know what I wiped on you . . . Snot." -Iesl
- "Nice ring." -Scott Hornbeck (United flight attendant) to Mom when she waved her fingers to get his attention
- "Holy crap! I almost fell out of my seat." -Iesl, after flinging a sausage into my lap
- dialogue
- Me: I'm actually waiting for a sausage.
- Server @ Texas de Brazil: Oh, I guess that's your dessert then.
- dialogue
- Iesl: (pokes crème brûlée) EW!
- Server @ Texas de Brazil: Yeah, that one's real.
- "Stop kissing the stuffed animal." -Michael
- "I'll try not to get floaties in it." -Iesl
- "I think I laugh too much." –Mom
- "Don't worry, I'm really mature." -Jacquelynn, the most immature volunteer at Pet Rescue by Judy
- dialogue
- Little Ryan: Your hands are cold!
- Me: Sorry.
- Little Ryan: That's okay. They keep me warm.
- "Mom, I gotta pee and poop." -boy at mall
- "Oh, my God. You're, like, molesting me in the hallway." -Emily
- "I can't wait for no sex." -Michael
- "That book looks foreign to me." -Alex, in Spanish class
- dialogue
- Robert: Do you think Alexis is hot?
- Ryan C-V.: I'd do her.
- Alex: Dude, Red, how long is your thing?
- "I have to see it in my head to see it." -Jamie
- "Let's test it on a potato fragment!" -Abby
- "This doesn't smell like an old woman." -Kelsey M.
- "I can spot you." -Alexis, convincing Mr. Brielmaier to do a backflip
- "Hey, guess what. I get to go back to rehab." -Madison
- "I'll grow my hair back just for you." -Aaron
- "I hate how there's so much math involved." -Kate-Lynn, in math class
- "I don't know why in barbecue pictures the pig is smiling: they're going to die." -Mom
- "I opened my mouth about sexual intercourse." -overheard in the school hallway
- "Maybe your liver is having sex with your heart." -Alan
- "(huge gasp) You're a hybrid!" -Curie
- "Where are the bagels?" -Alexis
- "I like girls who are half pale and half tan and lounge around in doorways." -McAlister, establishing new standards of attractiveness
- "I've never seen a retarded puppy." -Chris
- "I didn't want to be the guy that said 'rape.'" -Alan
- "I got into a car crash!" -Alexis, enthusiastically
- "I don't know how to explain what I don't get." -Alexis, after being asked to clarify her question
- "Babies come like toothpaste." -Cliff
- "At least you won't be in the bathroom with a lady singing Oprah." -Janet intending to say "opera"
- "Can we have an explicit sex flow chart?" -McAlister, on the relationships in "Hedda Gabler"
- "My father's like, 'You must marry a Jew when you are older.'" -Margot
- dialogue
- Me: Do you have a daddy?
- Little Grace: Yup. He works at work.
- "You are so irritating! I'd pull all your hair out if it wasn't cute." -Jamie, to Sagar
- dialogue
- Alex M.: It's made of 30% less plastic. It says so on the bottle.
- Nick: Oh, to save trees?
- Alex M.: Yeah! (puzzled) No.
- dialogue
- Serena: They had offspring . . . and babies . . . and children.
- Katie: Three separate items.
- "I feel so retarded. I can't find the hole." -Alan
- dialogue
- Michael: It tastes like whipped cream.
- Me: Yeah, if the whipped cream's expired.
- Michael: More like desired.
- "It was a two-legged bird." -Justin, describing the strange bird he will never forget
- "I thought you were supposed to guess what the other one was." -Iesl, after hearing the “a salted” peanut joke
- "Oh, shoot. We gotta go all holy now." -Eric, turning down the volume of his rap music as we approach church
jun 10 2007 ∞
apr 25 2010 +