I don't actually think of myself as a "fat fetishist," but there's just about no way for someone to say that they're attracted to fat people without someone accusing them of being a fetishist. There's also the fact that people really don't understand what a fetish is, and that fat bodies are so ostracized in what the mainstream considers normal that it's believed that if you like them (not just accept them, but like them), then that's a fetish.
To begin with, let's understand the difference between a fetish and a kink.
- fetish - a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.
A fetish is an extreme devotion to something, and very often (when it comes to sexual fetishes), a person feels that the fetish NEEDS to be present in order to fully enjoy the experience.
- kink - a person's unusual sexual preference
A kink is different from a fetish in that it is merely something someone enjoys a lot that isn't purely vanilla, but is innately sexual. A few of the more common kinks in America right now are bondage, role play, voyeurism, etc.
"Well, Irvine, you must have a fat kink!"
- I adore brown eyes. All shades. The way they look in the sunlight is a gift from the Gods themselves. When I have a partner who has brown eyes, every time I admire their eyes, I'm not thinking about having sex with them. That's not a kink.
- I prefer partners who are roughly the same height as me -- not much taller, not much shorter. I can admire their stature. That's not a kink.
- I also don't have a strong "type" when it comes to presentation. I absolutely love the butch aesthetic, and when I have a partner who is also butch, I can admire and appreciate their style without also thinking about having sex with them, and that's not a kink.
- I love chubby bodies, whether it's a "little" chubby, or 200+ pounds. I can enjoy my partner's belly without thinking about having sex with them and so, once again, that is not a kink.
If you can admire someone's freckles, or their nose, or the way their hair is, or their muscles, then all that is generally considered "normal." But, for some weird reason, if you like someone's chubby thighs, despite the fact that it's just as much a part of their body as their freckles or their nose or their hair or their muscles, that's crossing a line.
- If you think that that's somehow wrong, maybe you should examine your thought process. Why does being attracted to someone who is fat automatically equate someone with a fetishist?
But here's where the conversation gets more nuanced, right?
The reality is that I'm attracted to most body types, and that I don't have a strong, line-in-the-sand "type." It's way, way easier to list out what I don't like in a partner than what I do, or, at the very least, what I don't care about either way. It's rare -- and I mean RARE -- for me to look at someone that I don't know and be wildly attracted to them. It's more like I go through the world, and just about everyone is equally attractive. For those that I have been stunned by, some have been fat, and some have been on the more "average" size.
No, just because I like a fat girl doesn't mean I like her because she is fat. Period.
"But what about sex? Aren't you turned on by fat people during sex?"
- When I'm having sex, whoever my partner is turns me on: mind, body, and soul. So yeah, if my partner is fat then their fat body is more than likely gonna be a turn on while we're doin' the do. The same would go if it's a girl with pretty hair, or a big butt, or whatever.
- This might be a radical idea, but I just really feel like fat people are, y'know, people, and deserve the right to explore sexuality just like anyone else does. Crazy, right?!
"Feedism! Your kinky stories! Literally any of it!"
- I'm not actually that into feedism, really. I occasionally write and read about it, but it's not actually "it" for me. I do like food play, sometimes, but that is not the same thing.
- No, Karen, it isn't.
- For my kinky stories (those who know, know) -- THIS is the point where I believe it gets more nuanced, and where I am, to a degree, open to saying I have a "fat kink." Because there definitely are elements that I think are really cute, even sexy, which includes soft tummies that jiggle and shirts that are snug. But even when I'm engaging in consensual kink play with someone else, that's not all that I'm enjoying.
So if you wanna call me a fat fetishist for that, after reading the rest of this post, then okay. I'll accept it. At that point I don't really care, and given the widespread confusion between a fetish and a kink, it's somewhat fair.
Even still, I maintain that fat is NOT the only thing I like about someone. Like, ever.
If you want to read from others:
dec 18 2022 +