In an effort to pay more note of things that I enjoy, things that make me happy, so on and so forth -- here's random lines from fanfiction I find that make me laugh out loud.

• Steve sits down, and stares at his tea like he suspects it of having Nazi sympathies.
• The librarian says, "Am I going to have to ask you to leave?"
  • "No ma'am," Lily says. "I'm sorry about my brother. He has impulse control problems from being a crack baby."
• [...] They sell all kinds of Bucky Barnes stuff on the internet, some with his real picture and some with his picture from the cartoon where he's a child soldier in some kind of really kinky situation with Captain America, like Steve is always out to spank him and shit.
  • Note: It's a reference to the original Captain America comics. It wasn't kinky and Barnes wasn't actually a child soldier, but he was originally a child. There was a time when Steve Rogers said that he "ought to tan your hide, boy" for discovering something he wasn't supposed to.
• Mistake on the Part of Nature for context
  • "Uh," says Sam, and they both turn to look at him, as if suddenly remembering he's in the room, "are you sure this isn't, like, a nostalgia thing? Some kind of a 'back in my day—'"
  • Bucky shoots him a glare that feels really, really disproportionate to the situation.
• "Put me down, NOW."
  • Tony rolls his eyes behind his mask. "Aye aye, Capsicle," he says, and drops Captain America ten feet into a dumpster.
• [...] "It also means I can make Rogers catch up on some of his pop-culture, but hey, you don’t want Star Wars then how about something a little more from your time? I’ve got Jurassic Park around here somewhere.”
• "You’re not a burden either way. If you don’t want it, fine. I’m sure tons of people live happy one-legged lives, just- just hopping along.”
• "Everyone fancies Bill."
  • "Cool. Cool. He’s super straight though, right?"
  • "I think straight and gay are muggle terms. Bill’s tall though, if that’s what you’re asking."
• “Don’t be daft, I’m telling Anderson to fuck off with his daily ‘motivational texts’,” Harry explained. “Every morning I wake up to some variety of ‘the world is your vagina, fuck it hard’.”
• “What does the ‘G’ in Steven G Rogers stand for?” [...]
  • “It stands for Gay because he’s a fuckin’ loser,” Bucky mutters.
• Since Tony Stark’s fancy new Avengers facility was completed, there’s been a lot more training and Bucky can feel it acutely, the storm approaching, the end of their fragile peace, be it aliens or Nazi or alien Nazis or maybe some massive godzilla-esque monster that manages also to be a fascist creature from outer space as well as a murder robot. Anything is possible, in the 21st century.
• "I don’t want to find out three months into a relationship that someone is a Republican.”
• "Why are they trying to kill a child?"
  • "I think it might be dick envy."