One of my biggest fears has always been finding myself trapped in a toxic relationship like my mother was, which causes me to zero in on red flags. I'm grateful for the awareness, but one of my issues is an inclination towards avoidance, and sometimes I wonder how much of these are truly "red flags," and how much of these are things that I'm seeing as a subconscious excuse to run for the hills.

In any case, I am talking to a person right now who is sending off alarm bells. My goal is to remain open, but continue to lay down firm boundaries and observe what happens.

• moves too fast - in less than two weeks of flirting back and forth, they were already calling themselves my girlfriend, saying that they love me, etc. Doesn't seem to respond either way when I point out that we're not official yet. At the very least, she doesn't fight against it.
• extreme affection - regularly says she loves me, even though, again, we've been flirting for less than a month
• abusive language - I've picked up that she makes a lot of mean "jokes." I do know that some people just do that and that's their banter, and I actually am more sensitive than the average person when it comes to this, but it will have to be a hard boundary and we'll see how she handles that.

yellow flags

• They told me that they had a manic episode and that a severe depression was sure to follow, so I asked them if they have bipolar disorder. They said they "don't know because they haven't been diagnosed," but the way they said it came off as more evasive than anything else to me. I do not believe that being manic-depressive is a red flag, but I do believe that with-holding that kind of information from a potential partner (even if it's just something you suspect ) IS.
  • And trust me, I get it being a scary conversation. You think I like telling people I was so delusional I believed that spirits were forcing me to kill people? lol
• Of what very little I've seen, I don't care for how she behaves with her nesting partner. I don't like that she sometimes calls him dumb, and I don't like how she talks about "spending his money" despite the fact that he works the same low-wage job they do -- on top of the fact that they are almost constantly trying to get off early or not go in at all, and that they already have a child together.