- "la vie boheme is hard" & Deanna almost dying over it, jfc
- "swagoi" "nigkama" Orlando I hate u
- [2:12:36 PM] Mimi: are you mailing me severed body parts painted in my favorite color
- [2:12:39 PM] Mimi: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SICK
- [2:12:44 PM] Mimi: not like disturbing sick
- [2:12:46 PM] Mimi: like new england sick
- [2:12:48 PM] Mimi: so like SWEET
- [9:25:03 PM] Furlabun: I just tried lying on my back and my ass literally just lifted me into the stratosphere
- [9:25:18 PM] Furlabun: You could have built a small town under me Jesus dkdknsnsbsa
- [9:33:03 PM] Elliot: Im sorry you have an ass that just won’t quit
- [9:36:26 PM] Furlabun: I would like it to at least take breaks, those are healthy
- ☆ First off, I’d like to do a shout-out of gratitude to everyone who texted me back when I told them I was going back into CSU and everyone who texted me back when I told them I got out of CSU stable, everyone who has shown interest in my well-being and general recovery, and has been happy for me or my progress or anything at all. Your support means absolutely everything to me and I don’t know what I’d do without it. Thank you all so, so, so much.
- ☆ Fourth off, I’d like to be generally grateful for the million and a half people who have complemented me on my red hair. Friends, family, medical professionals, drive-through workers, etc. Thank you all. ◡‿◡✿
- ☆ Second off, I’d like to do a shout-out of gratitude to everyone who showed support on my self-portait doodle, for being happy for me at my attempt at recovery, and for not being ashamed or disappointed in me. This means so much to me and ghjgklsdkfsdfjh I just, thank you, thank you infinitely. I can’t believe anyone would care about me, but I’m so fucking happy and grateful that you do. Thank you so much.
- ☆ Things: capybara they are so CUTE jesus christ, lemonade, sushi, books, reading, relating to Girl Interrupted on a spiritual level, new underwear, clean clothes, chocolate chip frappe, sending off Chloe’s penpal letter in the post, GREAT ART BY GREAT ARTISTS ALL THE TIME, sweet tea, jeggings, toothpaste that isn’t vaguely mint-flavored mouthsoap, good shampoo and conditioner, new zexal summary spoilers, shark’s millions of great faces in the most recent episode, flavored water, cigarette lighter phone chargers, butter pecan ice cream, face wash, my generally super clear skin, the way my boobs look in a really great bra, cute stickers, neon colored pencils, getting good sleep, medications working, feeling stable, open side tank tops, Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club, 2-1 by Imogen Heap, Cage the Elephant, my claddagh ring, marble hornets, gx rivalshipping, yogurt, hugs from Shinya and my family, grandpa always saying “I love me too” when I say “I love you”, and for anyone thinking anything even remotely good about me any of the time ever.
- ☆ Third off, I’d like to be generally grateful for everything in my life and everything I am capable of controlling and all of the privileges and opportunities I have. Being in CSU reminds/ed me that every single thing I have is worth appreciating, because when I’m in CSU, nothing belongs to me except the clothes I’m wearing. Just having my own toothbrush that I chose to purchase to suit my own needs is a blessing, having my own food, going to bed when I want to, being able to shower when I want to, everything is a blessing. Being there just overnight reminded me of the value in all of the little freedoms, and big freedoms, I do have when I’m out in the real world. It helped me, and it gave me some perspective I definitely needed, and I’m grateful for that.
- 50 followers on my art blog;
- 800mg ibuprofen;
- a fucking great new episode of zexal, thank you kattobased zexal writers;
- a great new zexal episode, and for the great stream I watched it on;
- accomplishing a majority of the things on my to-do list yesterday;
- Adreus!Asa, for existing in the world and blessing the fandom with their wonderful insight and zeal in discussions (no pun intended, honestly);
- all 36 inches of Milo’s fat fluffy cat body that make my allergies explode like hell;
- All of the staff at Life Management CSU, for being much more friendly and helpful than the staff at the Somerville CSU, for answering my questions patiently and treating me with respect, and for wishing me luck upon my discharge;
- all of you any time you post a photo of your face, you are all the most supremely adorable humans and I just want to fly out of my skin when I see your perfect faces, how are you all so cute? you are literally ALL cute, it’s so unfair and I get really emotional jesus christ
- all of you, for living, for surviving, for all of the good things that have happened to you and all that you’ve accomplished the past two months, for all that you’ve shared with me, the time you’ve spent with me, the words, the stories, the art, the laughs, for putting up with me and dealing with my shit and supporting me so much, especially when I haven’t deserved it, I am so grateful for all of you.
- all the submissions for the zexal voice meme
- Asa, for being really fucking adorable and perfect all of the damn time, for being such an inspiring artist (senppaaiiii), for dealing with me and trying to overcome their own inhibitions to become real nakama with me, ahuuu 8w8;
- Asa, for sg:Jghg; akfsg evERYTIHngI??? SO MANY NAKAMA FEELINGS MAN, THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME INTO YOUR LIFE. breathes heavily at my screen hhhhhh you’re so cOOL GOD I just tjrjfhglbhkn;lb;lsdfdfglskjdfsljkdhlkjadfgsfhj;
- Asa, for their nakama dokis and everything that they are all the time forever, holy cow what an inspiring amazing friend jeezzgfdkl I’m gonna explode if I try to put this into words;
- Asa’s fUCKING GREAT ART OF SHARK WITH FRECKLES AND HRHHGHHhh
- Asa(ntewaa) showing new interest in collaborating with me on Zexal arts, which I am so excited for;
- Asa(ntewaa), for sending me that INCREDIBLE, sweet message on Skype right when I was about to do the same ;;, for existing in the world, for having such an inspiring blog (and personality), for having such a real art style (and personality), for spending time with me and putting up with my BS, for caring about me whatsoever;
- being able to file my paperwork for the patient assistance program for my prescriptions very easily;
- capybara, they are so fricken cute;
- Chise, for texting me back and offering to hang out with me on Saturday;
- Chloe, for appreciating our art trades so much, for their admiration and appreciation, for texting me so much, for listening to me, for caring about me, for being so kind to me and inviting me into their life, for drawing AMAZING things for me so often, for being so inspiring and adorable and sweet and gjhkljbv;kasd;;
- Chloe, for being so adorable, for exchanging cell phone numbers with me and texting me all night tonight, for their really cute amazing super art, for being the light of my life lately oh my gosh they are so cute alfkjgslkjdnlfjmnblsjdf;
- Chloe, for texting me so much and never getting impatient or annoyed with me, for listening to my long dumb rambles for so long, for drawing little doodles with me all night last night, for being so sweet and adorable 345379234% of the time and justjglh lskjdglskjdf lkjaflakg, for everything ;; whhlkjglkjdklsjg;
- Chloe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for being so cute 10000000000% of the time wowie wow wow light of my LIFE!!!!!!;
- Chloe’s INCREDIBLE ART!! MORE SPECIFICALLY THE PIECE THEY MADE FOR MEEEEEEEE MEE MEE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god it was so incredible I am never going to get over it ever. Thank you SO much, oh my gosh. ((I hope I can do you even 0.00000001% justice with your request. ;__; I know I won’t omg)) Oh my gosh, thank you, I am so happy slkfjdhlkjsdf;
- coffee heath ice cream;
- curry, curry all the time, curry every day
- Deanna, for always being the realest babely babe I know, for checking on me and inspiring me to take things easy;
- Deanna, for being so understanding of my ups and downs and being forever ready to accept me back when I feel comfortable;
- Deanna, for being such a bodacious babe in general, for always believing in me, & for kicking so much ass at life every day despite her fears;
- Deanna, for supporting me despite her incredibly, ridiculously busy and hectic schedule, for fighting so hard and doing so good despite disadvantages;
- Deanna, for supporting me in my darkest hour, even if it was through Lord of the Rings quotes, especially because it was through Lord of the Rings quotes, because it brought me comfort because it was exactly what I’d expect;
- Deanna, for supporting me so much, for overcoming or at least coping with all of the stress and disappointment and disadvantages that exist in her life, for being the babeliest babe I’ve ever met, for being so wonderful and inspiring and intelligent and wise;
- deanna?????????????????? calling me?? on the phone?? to check on me????????????? oh my god what a babe, what a nice, what a VOICE tOO, wow, such a kind thing to do, goddddd I am so unworthy THANK YOU I am so excited that you called me frick and appreciating my super dumb art cries sdlfkjsdfsldkjfdh Ily Ily Ily;
- Deanna’s gorgeous, flawless face on my dash and in my life, so much;
- donuts, jesus christ
- Edie for not hating my stupid guts after like 0.03 seconds after they added me on skype glskjdfhlkjgladfjklj;
- Edie, for listening to me and caring about me, for fighting every day and trying to take care of themselves, for believing in me and trusting me and talking to me and sharing themselves with me, for wishing good things for me, for being themselves— just adorable, caring, and completely lovely;
- Edie, for putting up with my obnoxious doki senpai feelings, for adding me on Skype, for being really nice to me despite what a dumbshit I am (thank you ;;);
- Edie, for talking to me for so gosh-dang long the other day ;;, for being such a sweetcake and an absolute joy to talk to, for tolerating me and my mess of a self and blessing me with her nakamahood (I’m gonna get hardfemme Sharkbaits to you ASAP!!);
- Einzel, for checking up on me on Skype, even though she’s incredibly busy ‘w’;
- Einzel, for her wonderful gift package which I will never deserve, for being such a wonderful friend, & for spoiling the hell out of me always.
- Einzel, for sending me encouraging asks and being forever supportive, even when I don’t deserve it;
- Einzel’s doodle of Alit, which I have kept right next to my computer monitor, because it cheers me up constantly;
- Emily’s perfect fucking face (and personality tho lbr) I stg;
- everyone ever for texting me and sending me messages on all platforms being happy and excited and relieved for me because I’m finally getting help;
- everyone ever who has followed me on my art blog and liked/reblogged my posts or complimented me on my things at all ever ;-; you guys are super amaze
- feeling less anxious than usual & being able to feel more emotions in general because medicine is making me lag less;
- finally having a medication to help me sleep and it actually working;
- finding an official karaoke of Kakusei Toshi (awakening city) after zillions of years of there not being one in existence. ;__;
- finding good themes for all of my blogs finally;
- finding great themes for my sideblogs
- finding really good mixes on 8tracks
- getting a bunch of flavored water;
- getting to see parts of beautiful downtown Boston, even if it was utterly hellacious to drive through
- having a mini movie marathon with Shinya and Chise at Chise’s godmother’s crib
- having a really amazing first meeting with my new psych;
- having a really amazing first meeting with my therapist;
- HB, for existing and being so wonderful and inspiring all the time, despite everything terrible that they face, for sending me a wonderful card, and AN OCTOPODE-SHAPE ICE TRAY????????????? yellingkbhgjforitowyhtnbkv;lakafs;ltfshjiowroijweorfigjsfkhkljadf;
- HB, for fighting every day to protect themselves and just be okay, for sticking around, for being in my life, for caring about me, for everything they are and do;
- HB, for responding to me at all ever, for being okay enough to respond, for everything they are;
- HB’s reappearance on my dash;
- Hidaka’s REALLY CUTE art style, holy gosh this art style cheers me up so much. ;__;
- I can’t keep writing this or I’m going to cry again I’ll come back tomorrow
- I literally just want to write everyone’s name all over again and just compliment every single aspect of you because you’re fucking great and Ily so good, oh my god you guys stop being so cute and talented and fun and nice to me, HRHGHRfhGHGHGlsvkjfljnlkjblksjvlskdjflskjglskfhj NAKAMA
- In general I just appreciate everyone all the time. I love seeing Edie’s posts and tweets and Olivia’s beautiful amazing face and Ink’s tags and Deanna’s AMAZING BABELY BLUE HAIR and clothes and I hope Orlando enjoyed his beach get away and I hope we get to watch the new season of Dexter together and I hope I stop sucking and finish everyone’s penpal letters soon. I’m glad Kelsey talks to me and shares her day with me and her life adventures and I’m glad Reba and I talk when they have the time, and I’m so lucky that Shigeru keeps up with me and loves me so much. KV is such a cake to me and I just don’t even know what I did to deserve anything, lord. I can’t wait for Asa and I to have that AI date, ahuuhuhu.
- ink !!!! supORTIng ME???????????????????????????? all the fucking time, texting me, skype, everything, fuck’s sake, fuck;
- Ink, for adding me back on skype, for allowing me into their life, for listening to me & reassuring me this morning and every day, for helping me prepare for my therapy appointment, for not lashing out at me when I unintentionally stirred up negative feelings, for surviving;
- Ink, for listening to me & for putting up with so much of my bullshit every day, for encouraging me to do my best at the doctors, & for wanting me to get better at all;
- Ink, for their incredible patience with me every single day, patience that I will never, ever deserve;
- Ink, for their incredible patience with me, again, and always, I will always be grateful for this as long as I live, for sharing their name adventures with me, for sharing any of themselves with me at all, I can’t even start talking because GIk;njhbskdjfadskfjh Ink you’re super I’m so sorry I’m such a piece of shit thank you for everything;
- Ink, for trusting me enough to talk to me about Things sometimes, for including me in their life at all ever;
- Ink’s art improvement lately, holy cow it’s inspiring. I am really glad about it all the time.
- Janelle Monae and her wonderful music;
- Jin’s really amazing art, ugh this style is one of my favourites ever in my life and I’m so happy this person shares their work. hhhhh
- Josh, for checking on me and inviting me to go work out with him even though he never followed through and passively cancelled;
- June 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, today I am grateful for:
- K, for sending me a long, supportive fanmail to me, despite us never communicating before.;
- Kelsey, for being inspiring by pushing herself to get back in the derby game and pursue that interest despite time, money, and energy constraints;
- Kelsey, for including me in her happiness list twice over, for keeping me company during the day, for her sense of style, and for being a great babe in general;
- Kelsey, for rocking that new dress, for being a great gal in general, and for being so supportive and inspiring;
- Kelsey, for sending me a supportive message on skype this morning, for working so hard on getting derbyfit, especially in the midst of hella hours at her new job (I’m really excited & proud!);
- Kelsey’s success & happiness at her new job;
- KV, for drawing me such adorable little things and supporting me, despite that I don’t know them very well ;__; thank you so much you are wonderful and sweet and I am unworthy fffjglfdkjh;
- Leon, for graduating high school like a champion, for sending me the cutest, nicest fanmails, for being the biggest cake and just giving me so many gross happy good feelings all of the time, for constantly brightening my day;
- Leon, for sending me wonderful fanmails constantly and being so encouraging and supportive and kind, for having such a sweet and generous personality, for GIRLFRIENDS, and for sharing their artwork with me and everyone else;
- Lucy being the most supportive babe ever as per usually and always, holy frick I love u;
- Lucy, for being the amazing babe that they are, for listening to my dumb rants all the time and never getting annoyed somehow, for being one of the greatest people I’ve met and sticking it out in the outback (I really hope you’re enjoying your vacay and getting lots of rest and feeling good sldkfjsd);
- Lucy, for checking on me daily to make sure that I am eating and drinking enough water, for working so hard to take it easy on their spine despite the pressure of school and chores alkdfjslkjgh;
- Lucy, for checking on me so loyally and carrying me through the absolute worst of times;
- Lucy, for listening to me, encouraging me every day to eat and drink, sharing her free time with me, & for being so supportive;
- Lucy, for staying with me every moment, for sharing lots of personal thoughts, memories, and feelings with me today, for trusting me, for allowing me to vent and remember, for being so lacking of judgment or bias, for being the wonderful human & friend that they are, for everything;
- Lucy, for supporting me so intensely that I am unable to entirely comprehend it or fully appreciate it as much as it deserves
- Lucy, for understanding me on a level I so greatly need that I receive nowhere else in the cosmos, for coercing me to eat and drink every day even when I most don’t want to, for caring about me so much, for always being there, for everything. I am crying I am so grateful for you, I’m so lucky to know you, you do so much for me and you’re so good in general and you deserve every good thing and I want it for you. I’m going to send you the longest platonic love letter ever asap;
- Lucy’s amazing letter that I just received in the post today!! The wonderful sharkbait doodle she did for me and the amazing Letter to My Doctor that she wrote, omfg. ;___; Bless you.
- Maddie, for keeping Lucy and I company, for trusting us, talking to us, and spending time with us in general, for being so sweet to me and caring about me at all;
- making brownies with oreos in the middle with my little brother to celebrate him passing 9th year ;w; PROUD
- making shitty galaxy t-shirts with Shinya!
- maman and fajjran having a good day out today
- mermaid & kairyo nail varnish
- Mich, for having such a CUTE FUCKING HAIR COLOR AND CUT, JESUS YOU ARE SO CUTE WWWWW ;;
- Mich, for sending me a wonderful, encouraging, loving fanmail when I needed it;
- Milo, for loafing around with me all day and keeping me company;
- Mimi sending me the wonderful song Time to Wander (Joan of Arc Remix) by Gypsy And The Cat, from the Kitsuné Maison Compilation 9
- Mimi, for caring about me, for pursuing life despite its setbacks, for finding a place to live in during the school year, for her inspiring photography work hhhhhhhh, for being such a gal;
- Mimi, for expressing that they miss me and want me in their life at all even though I’m a dumb piece of shit, for being gorgeous and artistic and inspiring;
- Mimi, for her incredible self-portraits & photography in general, for checking on me and being interested in my mental health progress;
- Mimi, for trusting me so much, for saying that she feels comfortable around me, for confiding in me tonight, and for honoring me;
- Mimi’s million and a half hair colors, all of which have looked spectacular.
- Morgan, for being a pumpkin and listening to my puny job hunting advice and gender affirmation stuff, despite what an unsuccessful dumbshit I am;
- Morgan, for being adorable as heck in all of their cute outfits and posting their cute face all the gotdang time ;;, for making such great cosplay, and for just being an interesting and lovely person in general;
- mother fucking capri suns, I swear
- Moto’s super art and personality and everything, they are such a sweetcake and their Alit draws have cheered me up 219847235982735 times. ;_;
- mOToS incredilbE InsPRIINg ARt HOLY JesUs CHeseNIPS???????? GHKJITUYwtjgiothebjvladsl;k;favksmhnbgklsdkfa mizealelg and dgHJGLsdkfdklHKDSFSLDKH?????gS?DFS?D?G MOTO??????? GMHLK??????;
- mum asking if Orlando was blonde [A GIF OF ME SCREAMLAUGHING]
- mum making fun of me for yelling and getting aggressive and saying “stop” when anyone in the world is cute or nice
- My grandfather; for buying me dinner, for wanting my happiness, for supporting me, for believing in me, & for taking care of me forever and always;
- My grandpa, for calling me when I was in CSU and bringing me clothes and books, for trying to come visit me despite that I’d just been released at the time, for getting me sushi for dinner when I came home, for talking to me at length about how we can improve our communication and work on my recovery better, for being so supportive and for trying his best all the time to overcome his own shortcomings in order to help me, for loving me so much, for trying so much, for everything;
- my hips being exactly wide enough to hold up a tube float
- my home-made spaghetti;
- my little brother, for appreciating that I drove a zillion miles across town to pick him up and brought him lunch, and for chilling in the lobby with me while I waited on my prescriptions to be filled;
- My mother and step-father, for attempting very much to address me with proper pronouns and my chosen name, driving all the way up to the CSU to visit me, my step-father’s knowledge and capability of jumping off my car since it was dead as a door-nail, for offering to buy me good snacks to celebrate my release (I got capri suns, butter pecan ice cream, and granola bars, frick yeah), for caring so much about me and for wanting my comfort and safety more every day, and for being really supportive, finally;
- My mother, for cutting my hair (it is SUCH a cute cut!!) and for letting me use her JCPENNY’S credit card to buy a few new clothes things (1 bra, 2 boykinis, 2 tank tops, 2 pairs of leggings, and a pair of tights for Shinya);
- My psychiatrist, for recognizing that I really needed help and was unsafe, for making the call to have me go to CSU, and for prescribing me the medication I have needed all this time at last;
- my step-dad paying my phone bill the month I got back when I had absolutely no money
- my uncle, for cooking the most amazing king mackerel last night;
- not acting on any of the thoughts I’ve had lately;
- not feeling the drag of my medicine today as much as I did yesterday
- not relapsing, not losing all my friends, not being dead
- Olivia, for being fujoshi jesus and drawing so much indulgent ship art, god bless america and everything else;
- Olivia, for her amazing art (why are u self-conscious about yr ship art ;; CELEBRATE THE FUJOSHI WITHIN U, I know we sure do), for finishing out a semester of school successfully, and for tolerating me and all of my annoying dumbness on skype for a billion hours, bless;
- Olivia’s influx of new art, god bless!! ALIT IN A SKIRT, THANK U. Watashi no FUJOSHI HIME;
- One-Punch Man
- Orlando powerhousing through Dexter on my recommendation ;__; I am so glad that you like it, wahhhh.
- Orlando texting me to wish me a good day ;w; what a guy;
- Orlando, for keeping me company in my darkest hour, for not patronizing me, for listening to me, for taking all of me into himself and not resenting me for all of my setbacks and failures, for trusting me, for confiding in me, for sharing himself with me over and over, for being the realest thing I know;
- Orlando, for listening to me every day with the same countenance and for sharing his Dexter experience with me;
- Orlando, for listening to me, checking on me, & being interested in my progress or lack-thereof;
- Orlando, for liveblogging his Dexter experience to me, for being such a great guy all of the time, for his sense of humor;
- Orlando, for talking to me on the phone for two hours the other night and keeping me company, for caring about me, for offering his ear if I’m ever in a crisis or just happen to need it, for putting up with me, for being fucking cute, for our mutual IPA appreciation, for appreciating me, for being rad as frick;
- Orlando, for texting me to wish me a good day, and talking to me last night, and not hating my art and just being SOOO MUCH OF A GUY (TO ME ESPECIALLY), THANK U LORD;
- Orlando, for the necklace that I adore every day, for being such a wonderful friend, for being so enjoyable as a person, for the incredible drag photos, and for being himself;
- raspberry lemonade chapstick;
- reading Peter Pan, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, and Alice in Wonderland while I was in the crisis center.
- Reba being able to fix Skype well enough so that we could chat a bit! C: ;
- Reba, for being adorable, for getting that new job!! so proud, for trying to manage all of the stress in their life on their own, for succeeding at so many things despite the disappointments and difficulties, for being so strong and inspiring;
- Reba, for doing kattobingu on their job hunt and for being so happy and supportive of me always;
- Reba, for going through with quitting their job, for getting interviews, for making it through their drug test, for putting on such brave faces despite fears and anxieties, for being strong and inspiring and trying to do better for themselves, for supporting me all the while;
- Reba, for reblogging that amazing comic that represents the two of us perfectly, being such a positive influence in my life, for being so strong and fun and invested in living, for pursuing so many great things, and for sharing it all, and themselves, with me;
- Reba, for texting me today and offering their support, for sharing their original work with me, for trying so hard to find a better job for themselves, for spoiling me with such a good friendship;
- Reba’s mother surprising them with shopping trips;
- rebA~!! so CUTE and appreciate and sTRONG YEAH?? finally donig the thing I am so proud GO REBA GO YOU’RE SUGOI YEAH!;
- Rebecca, for being so much of a good person that I miss her so bad it’s giving me doki cramps ;___; I love u Ringlets pls come home back into my dokibox so that I can love on you properlygkljkljadfkj
- Rebecca, for being the light of my life, for giving me the best nicknames, for sharing good things with me, & always cheering me up;
- Rebecca, for graduating high school like a champion also, for livetexting her vacay to see her babby cousins and keeping me in the loop, for sending me an incredibly sweet appreciative text and for putting up with me in general for years and years;
- Rebecca, for sending me such a wonderful text out of the blue tonight when I didn’t deserve it, for being such an incredible friend, for everything they are, ever, for every thought they’ve given me, every amount of friendship and love they’ve given me, everything they’ve shared with me, for everything, so much;
- red curry chicken;
- refrigerated chocolate;
- Remote, for appreciating me, for supporting me, for continuing to live, for trying to take care of themselves and take control of hectic and bleak situations and their own life despite disadvantages and discouragement, for fighting and surviving;
- Remote, for surviving, for trying, for protecting herself, for being such an inspiration;
- Ringo making that really really sweet text post about me
- sating my craving for raisin bran after like 3 agonizing weeks;
- sharing breakfast with my grandpa at 4PM;
- Shea and Shigeru being my asexual life mates, holy cowwww what would I do without them?????? I just don’t know, but I am so fucking grateful for them 100000000000000000000% of the time jfc;
- Shea and Shigeru, for being my favourites, for being so strong and so persistent in being alive, for getting up every day and doing their best, even when they don’t want to, even when they feel like they have no reason to, for giving me a reason to be here, for inspiring me to be here, for everything ever;
- Shea having the strength to call me when they needed me and the strength to put up with work every day
- Shea, for all of the good things they do for me, for their great attempts to accomplish things in the midst of all the chaos, for their unbelievable strength, even when they perceive it as weakness;
- Shea, for existing in my life, for making it through this day, for appreciating me more than I deserve, and for constantly being reassuring;
- Shea, for forgiving me, for sticking it out today, especially during the longest bus ride, for overcoming more obstacles than anyone I’ve ever met, for allowing me to speak to them throughout the day, for caring about my well-being, for being so strong all the time, for inspiring me and giving me reasons to keep trying, for all that they are;
- Shea, for getting out what they could of the rivalshit fic they had wanted to write, for allowing me into that space, for making it through today, for asserting themselves with their friends today, for going to work even when they don’t want to, for being such an incredible, strong person even when they don’t feel like they are;
- Shea, for staying with me all of the time, for loving me in their own perfect way, for keeping me company, for the long texts and the patience and the support, for caring about me, for listening to me, for trying so hard every day, for absolutely fighting to stay alive and be successful and recover despite the hell, and mostly, for not giving up;
- Shea, for talking to me ALL THE LIVELONG DAY and for doing so good yesterday and every day;
- Shea, for their entire being, for forgiving me today, for their incredible patience and all of their understanding that I don’t deserve, for trusting me, for trying so hard every day. I will never stop crying over what I did today, I can’t, but I love you so much and I want nothing but your absolute comfort and happiness and I would honestly end my life before I got in the way of it. You are my favourite person and you have no idea what lengths I would go to for your recovery and safety. Please NEVER be sorry;
- Shea, Orlando, and Reba saying hilarious things to me yesterday;
- Shigeru, for existing in my life;
- Shigeru, for staying with me for so long this morning, for reassuring me over and over, for caring about me so much, for taking care of me and assuring that I take care of myself, and for providing so many positive feelings and support for me all the time;
- Shigeru, for texting me and being concerned about me, for confiding in me, for fighting so hard every day and surviving;
- Shigeru, for texting me to check up on me just now and for being such an amazing human all of the goddamned time;
- Shinya, for hanging out with me so many days, for allowing me to escape to her house when my grandpa drunkenly said terrible things to me, for monitoring my medication, for coming to see me off and keeping me company at the CSU, for leaving me a jacket to wear and for bringing me extra clothes and books while I was there, for taking care of my car while I was there, for bringing me my keys and all of my belongings and caring so much about me, for treating me to so many good things, for the Wintersleep t-shirt, for delicious shitty fast food burgers, for being such an amazing friend all of the goddamned time, mostly for her insanely good company and wonderful sense of humor and great ability of listening when I truly need it;
- Shinya, for staying with me all of this time, for buying me so much food and offering to spend money to upgrade my dying computer, bless slkdgfjflhklkjadf, for having such a great sense of humor and sharing her interests with me, for being comfortable around me and trusting me, for everything ever that she’s done, I can’t even think of it all enough to list it all, I just am so appreciative of everything and her entire being;
- Shinya, for taking us out to Friday’s for dinner, for letting me stay at her house for so long, for buying us donuts in the morning, for buying me delicious fast food cheeseburgers that night, for walking around pier park, walmart, and J. C. Penny’s with me, for giving me fashion advice, for dealing with me and my dumb bitching all the time, for waiting around while I looked at dumb greeting cards, for riding around town with me, for getting us both shitty chinese food, for going out to my mum’s with me, for appreciating that I bleached her hair and getting me red dye, for being so patient with me always and not hating me for keeping in weird touch, for being supportive on my road to recovery, for listening, for surviving her fuckawful job, for liking my new hair cut, and for treating herself to new clothes and such;
- Shinya, for wishing me luck with my upcoming therapy appointment and not resenting me for not spending time with her lately due to my anxiety;
- shitty homemade mojitos
- sleep medication genuinely helping;
- sleeping a fuckton today;
- sleeping for 10 hours today even though it wasn’t consecutive;
- Spending a bit of time with my brother; getting to see mum;
- Sprite, for how wonderfully it eases my stomach when it’s in an uproar;
- Studio Killers album release!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEHAW;
- STUDIO KILLERS ALBUM THANK FUCKWAFFLES BLESS WHAT AN ALBUM;
- Talena & Cate for sending supportive responses to my relapse post earlier tonight;
- teeny microwavable apple pie;
- the delicious mojito I had at Friday’s, fried green beans, sharing burgers with shinya, french crullers, shitty chinese food, cheap hair dye, tequila, the ability to text and text often, greeting cards, chewing gum, so many nakama giving me their addresses so I can send them penpal letters, mermaid nail polish, new clothes, having a backpack I can use to easily carry around things, Kimbra’s music, Smart water, lists
- the entire human being that is Willis, for every good reason;
- the fact that I get better at cooking things every time I make them
- the fucking outfits from snk, holy shit
- the miniature, albeit stressful, nap I had in the middle of the day;
- the new op and ed of zexal, holy cow they are my favourites
- The psychiatrist at CSU, for giving me the ass-kicking ultra-real pep talk I didn’t realize I needed so desperately, for granting me discharge and trusting me;
- the purple leopard print notepad, the black clipboard with neon lip prints, hearts, and xoxos printed on it, the shimmery teal nail varnish, and the bubblegum flavored neon wildlife-shaped floss tools my mum bought me at the dollar store;
- the rep at M&T, for making my life a billion percent easier by waving the fee they charged me and closing my account so quickly;
- things
- Things: Ripe avocado, vodka sauce, gooey brownies, garlic, having a washer and dryer, Dirty soap by Lush, Calypso lemonades, clean towels, sending off Lucy, Maddie, and Asa’s penpal letters in the post, cheap fireworks, new hair bands, my grandpa’s appointment going well (he doesn’t have cancer, woohoo!), Chloe receiving her letter, googly eyes, original film scores, the xx’s music, ed sheeran’s music, clean bed sheets and a made bed, listography, Jude Law’s fucking face glory hallelujah, cat nip, 80s music, 80s fashion, terrible fashion, terrible fanfic trope, “circumnavigating the nipple”, banana shakes from Sonic, willow smith’s amazing lilac hair in that one photo, ASEXUALITY, queerplatonic relationships, nonsexual bondage, loyalty kink, Moto’s AU god bless, Einzel’s eternal sweetcakeness, Mimi’s new super red hair, iced coffee, cute underwear, getting some more sun, getting my car serviced finally, all of my nakama filling out the survey I sent them ahuu thank u guys ;w;
- Tori, for checking on me and having casual convos with me on skype;
- Tori, for having such a cute art style and drawing things that make my heart swell with ship dokis all the time awawa sharkbaits 8w8;
- Tori’s WONDERFUL ZEXAL DOODLETHINGS, I LOVE THEM SO INTENSELY HRHRHHRHRHRhhhh;
- trying asparagus for the first time! shit was so good
- trying chicken salad for the first time, it was sugoi
- vanilla coke zero;
- Wandii, for sending me a supportive fanmail this morning and for being such a sweet person;
- washing my car
- watching Brave with my mum ;;
- watching season 7 of Dexter with Shinya
- watching that 4-year-old little boy dance with his biggest idol on Ellen ;_; It was like A Goofy Movie, man, heart-clenchy goodness.
- wearing leggings as pants for the first time and not giving even one iota of a fuck;
- Willis’s super adorable fucking face and life and everything, holy cow I love this person so unreasonably much considering how little we communicate and what a dumb fuckhead I am sdlkfjgsdf
- Willis’s SUPER ADORABLE FUCKING KAITO COSPLAY
- Wintersleep’s album Hello Hum;
- yogurt, mercy christ on ice, I love yogurt;
oct 22 2013 ∞
oct 22 2013 +