- "That toilet paper is terrible, it’s like it’s so thin it only has one side, you know?"
- (on the queen of hearts from Disney’s animated Alice in Wonderland) “The way she walks around like she’s somethin’ else, just like a real fat woman with her big ol’ boobies swingin around and her head wavin’ back n’ forth. (laughs) The way they draw that is just amazing, like how they only draw one cell at a time, how do they make it so smooth before they finish it?”
- (on a car chase scene from The Transporter) “Well, now would be a really good time to rob a bank, they’ve got every cop in the city chasin’ this guy.”
- (telling a story about my great uncle after we saw the Looney Toons character Droopy on TV) “You know, Dale, he used to drink a whole lot, he reminds me of that character. We were at a family gathering and he was sitting off by himself and he was three sheets in the wind, you know, when ol’ Kelly came up and said ‘Hey Dale, you doin’ all right?’ and he was just slouchin’ down. He always drank whiskey out of a coffee cup and you knew he was all right ‘cause that little pinky finger would go up like an antenna every time he took a drink. (laughs) He lifted the cup up and his finger was up and he just looked over at her and said (slurring) ‘This is the happiest day of my life.’ “
- (telling another story about my great uncle while we were watching the Kentucky Derby) “Dale and I were staying at a hotel, we were in Hot Springs at the time, and we went out to a bar and Dale met up with an old jockey friend of his who’d had a bad accident, fell off his horse and got trampled, you know. Dale came back from talkin’ to him after a while and he said ‘Yeah, I was here the day that guy had his horse wreck.’”
- (telling another another story about my great uncle) “One day he was out working on sprinklers, you know,and I was helping him. It was real hot outside and we went to sit in the grass and take a break and he said ‘I’m gonna take off my shoes and let the wind rustle through my toes.’”
- "You’re a weirdo, baby. You’re one of them genius weirdos; you live in your own dimension."
- "Hold on, I gotta find a better shirt than this dog-gone GOWN I’m wearing!"
- "I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."
- "I'm so tired I'm left-handed."
oct 27 2013 ∞
oct 30 2013 +