- ✓ appetite loss / disinterest in maintaining my physical self
- ✓ body dysphoria, both physical and mental, sex-specific and non
- ✓ cyclical stages of overwhelming apathy & overwhelming anxiety
- ✓ daydreaming about committing various forms of suicide (cutting, car accident, shooting, pills, etc.)
- ✓ general avoidance (of people, hobbies, responsibilities, etc.)
- ✓ general depression
- ✓ having panic attacks in large groups/in public (namely, supermarkets)
- ✓ inability to find importance in myself or my own interests as I used to, esp. enough to engage in hobbies or various forms of self-care
- ✓ inability to leave home without feeling some sense of panic
- ✓ inability to sympathize/empathize as I used to
- ✓ prevailing sense of meaninglessness regarding my life and life in general
- ✓ prevailing sense of worthlessness/unworthiness/being undeserving
- ✓ sense of isolation from everything (people, the natural world, myself, etc.)
- ✓ severe fingernail biting & inability to sit still due to anxiety
- ✓ strong, constant sense of guilt & self-hatred, even without prompt or reason
- ✓ the development of a temper/inability to stop focusing on negative things
- ✓ urges to self-harm
- ✓ violently fluctuating loss and regain of interest in maintaining friendships and general interpersonal relationships
- ✓ vivid nightmares, frequent tossing and turning, inability to fall asleep or remain asleep
- difficulty asking for/receiving help, trying too hard to be independent, self-sufficient, or overcome issues and obstacles on my own
- general anxiety
- general fear, esp. of hurting or disappointing others
- inability to internalize positive feelings directed at me //
- internalizing frustration, irritation, anger, and mistreatment and blaming myself, rather than expressing those feelings and blaming the abuser //
- not coping well with making mistakes / irrational perception of how often and severely I make mistakes
- sense of incongruity with self and with memories
- urges to starve
jul 9 2013 ∞
oct 30 2013 +