things that happened this year (good & bad) / i started this on june, so i might have forgotten a couple things from the 1st semester of the year

• started a bullet journal
• got the university scholarship on the 1st semester
• started reading again
• had terrible anxiety crises about my family's financial situation
• wrote & posted a fanfic that (for some reason) i'm proud of
• spent some quality time with my brother
• started working at my parents' store to help them
• covid 19 started, so had to get into quarantine
• got in an argument with my mom because she ignored me, but she apologized (which she never really does) & it made me feel closer to her
• cried to the point of getting hiccups because i almost didn't get the scholarship
• made new twitter friends
• hated my body (and to this point i still do)
• started going to gym
• stopped going to gym (because of the quarantine)
• felt pressured by myself to start dating
• spent a week at my grandma's house during quarantine because she was feeling lonely & it was a great week
• missed my soulmate, because we can't see each other (quarantine)
• spent a lot of time making lists
• my phone's screen fucked up (and it wasn't even my fault). took to long to change it and felt like throwing it against the wall from how furious it made me
• got in an argument with my grandma because she doesn't take her diabetes seriously & was rude to me
• started taking classes to get my driving license
• there was a cyclone on the south of brazil and we had terrible winds (of 100 km/h) and stuff. 4 people died in my state
• got in contact with a friend that i hadn't talked to in probably a year (because he was under shitty influences and went down a bad path in his life). and he doesn't blame me for not being there, which made me blame myself a bit less
• bought my first kpop album!! it's "just right" by got7 and i was fucking lucky to find it in a sebo for R$45, which is insane?? so i had 50 and spent almost all of it because it was incredibly cheap and i wouldn't find it anywhere else
• used the money i had & my brother used his money as well so we got my dad a jacket as a present, because he deserved it
• experienced a terrible moment of my parents arguing. it was a bit traumatic, but next day my mom apologized and i felt like shit because none of it was her fault, she's like this because my fucked up grandma was a shitty mom
• started a "diet". just basically taking care and eating less
• my brother and i used our money to buy my mom some pendants for her bracelet, because she was in love with the bracelet & she also deserved it.
• went out to celebrate my dad's bday & he confessed something very personal to me and my brother, which made me proud of him and makes me see him in a different way now (not negative, never negative, but as someone who's strong and has overcome very hard times)
• my mom got a kindle from her friend as a bday gift & i downloaded lots of books & started reading on it too. i love having the real books, so it's sad that i won't buy them. but with the kindle you don't have to pay for the books & it's actually SO nice to read on it lol i fell in love
• my whole family got scared af because we thought my grandpa had cancer metastatis in his lungs. i was very pessimist about it & thought we were gonna lose him. we paid for a very fucking expensive exam & it turns out the nodule he had in his lung wasn't cancer. there's still a slight chance of something showing up on his prostate, but we're observing it & if it really is something, it's in an early stage so he can treat it & recover. it was a huge bomb on us at first, but thankfully he's ok now.
• i started watching the "first" anime ever (i've watched about 5 or 6 episodes of naruto, but i don't think it counts since i watched it because of my little cousin & didn't even get to the half of season 1). anyways, the anime is haikyuu & it's quite basic, i guess, but i'm completely in love with it & most characters. it's my kind of anime because it's volleyball themed & the whole focus is a school team training together, moving upwards in their ranking to become fucking strong. ugh i'm in love
• i prepared a nice bday present for my soulmate, but i guess i'll talk about it later because i honestly don't know if she checks my lists here & won't risk giving her any spoilers
• bought my stethoscope. it's a littmann & the color is chocolate, i loved it. was really fucking expensive though, so we bought it with my credit card in 12 parcels lol
• bought a harry styles funko (it's not official, i bought from a girl that does them). but it's gorgeous and i'm so in love with it uwu
• started having practical classes of operatory technique & semio & fell in love with surgery again
• bought a stray kids album -> clé 1: miroh !! it was random version, but mine ended up being the miroh version (which was my favorite). the first page is random & i got jeongin. and then there's 3 cards and i got: hyunjin, MINHO & woojin lol (but i'll pretend i just got my lino and hyunjin tho)
• felt like my mind was cracking, almost literally. felt as if my brain was melting, as if i was atlas having to hold the sky on my shoulders, suffocated to the point of wanting to suffocate. mental health at it's worst, that's it.
• felt like hitting my head against a wall because my family doesn't give two shits about my university knowledge, my grandpa in special. he argued with me for about half an hour because he said the pain he felt in his arm was because of his "mentecarpo" being broken or something. the guy who works with him goes to the gym & told him it's normal for this to happen. we don't even have a fucking body part called "mentecarpo" but my grandpma was about to discover a new one and name it that just so he'd be right.
• by grandpma went to lages for a cancer treatment specific for the type he has. the one in his lungs is metastatis so he might do chemo. we don't know much so far. but the doctor said this treatment is 70-80% efficient. he won't be cured, obviously, but the doctor says she knows patients that did this and lived for 15-20 more years.
• bought christmas presentes for mom, dad & bro. they're simple, just a little thing, but i'm happy for buying them myself
• went to "barcelona" (the food place) just me & dad a few times and had deep conversations, talked trash about people and things... had a real good time together. i feel like we understand each other better than anyone else.
• felt like killing my grandma because i honestly can't believe a person like her exists. won't specify here, because no one needs to know. but yeah, she's a fucking bitch????
• read loads of books & i'm proud. i already said in a topic above that i started reading again, but i really did. from july to december i read 24 books. i'm so happy.
• used kpop as my safe place, lots and lots of times
• mom and dad gave me a kindle for christmas, since they realized how much i fell in love with my mom's kindle (and she was gonna start using it for university readings, so i'd be "kindleless" lol). and i'm in love with it.
• my brother also got me christmas presents. we went to a little shop that sells skincare products, makeup, etc. and he bought me a couple things
• had a great christmas with the family and a good new year. hope 2021 treats us better