things that happened this year (good & bad)

• rewatched dark with the whole family because my brother really wanted my parents to watch, so we did it together (because we always do things together)
• i finished my practical driving classes and should've gotten my license already, but it's taking longer because since we're still in the pandemic, there's no professional to take me to the test.
• moved to live by myself!! my family and i talked about how much we spent in general envolving my university and ended up realizing that if i moved we'd spend basically the same since transportation and expensive food would be cut from the expanses.
• there was a huge fucking fight in my family and i don't really wanna write about it, but guarantee i'll know which one i'm talking about if i read this in the future. my parents, my brother and i were right, that's what matters. my grandma is seriously a sociopath, i can't understand how a "person" like her exists, the world would literaly be a better place without her, she's like a huge black hole that just sucks in every good thing close. she's darkness and evilness and selfishness. and a despise her. my grandpa's not as bad as her (because it's impossible), but he's also a liar and a two-faced ass. one of my uncles is "ok" but still also a two-faced dude, the other is purely dumb and the last one is a huge fucking hypocrite. i love my mom with all my heart, love my dad with all my heart and love my brother with all my heart. all we ever did for that goddamn family was give support and swallow the bulshit they made us go through. they are not worth all this effort, i'm tired. if it depended on me they could all just fucking disappear and never talk to me again.
• called amanda on facetime to watch suju returns together, it was really peaceful uwu
• took my uncle (tio mami) for the whole day and even brought him to my new apartment. i was missing him like crazy, because since he's group of risk in the pandemic, we decided to keep our distance. but now we finaly got to spend the day with him!!
• had my first "patient"!! because of the freaking pandemic our practical classes were minimized and we didn't get to actually see patients, but yesterday (01/03) i had practical psychiatry classes in the ambulatory and the teacher left me to take the patient. i did anamnesis, physical examination and examined the mental state of her. she seemed a super sweet old lady at first, came in just to keep her depression "on check". but when she left, the teacher said that actually she had a personality disorder and sociopaty traces??!! like, totally different from the old lady i've just seen. he said she had an agressive historic, even attacked children, and was manipulative and "seductive" (not in a sexual way). of course he treats her for over 10 years, i couldn't see all that in an hour with her. but when he started saying it, some of the acts or ways of speech in her started to make sense. dude, that was so cool.
• started listening to lofi music while studying/reading. it really helps me concentrate. 10/10 would recommend
• considered seeing a therapist
• had a thought stuck in my mind that i might have depression
• got my wisdom teeth removed and my face stuffed like a ball ksjdfh also: it hurt like a motherfucker
• facetimed amanda to watch boku no hero and we spent 8 hours on call fksjdfhsdf (it happened lots of times)
• facetimed amanda again many other times to watch stuff or mostly just talk trash, which really helped my mood since i've been very down (?) lately
• i finally bought a kageyama nendoroid, that i've been wanting for a while but it was too expensive i found it a lot cheaper and got it. it's the cutest thing ever. kags, i love you
• also bought a moon bedside lamp that is so pretty.
• i'm back to reading in this "vacation". it's not exactly vacation because i got a month (classes are back in august), but i'm working every afternoon with my parents, so i don't really have free time to chill, read all day, watch a tv show or something.
• anyways, it's 16/07 and so far i've read 12 books(might finish the 13th today) and it might not seem much, but when i'm not on vacation, uni really exhausts me & i end up barely reading
• bought a bts album (love yourself answer) and i'm really excited for it to arrive & also to see which pc i'll get!!
• update: i pulled a hobi photocard!! it is the absolute cutest!!
• felt really annoyed at my grandpa lots of times and finally understood how my grandmpa might be a crazy person, but it's mostly his fault. he's the master mind behind it all. he's a liar, he's stubborn, he's cruel (keeps making shitty comments to mom because of her weight) and whenever grandma goes insane and starts fighting everyone, it's always because he told her a lot of shit. he's also a veeeery crappy father, who has his favorites (the boys) and doesn't give 2 shits about my mom. he's my grandpa, but i dislike him very much :)
• just cannot stand the face of my uncle anymore (diego, obviously). it's become even hard to be in the same room with him, because i have this big urge to spill some truths that he deserves to listen. he's arrogant, makes stupid fucking jokes that annoy me (and aren't even slight fun, seriously). a shitty shitty shitty father, misogynist, stupid man
• started a process to lose weight with mom. we've only been doing it for a week and a half so far, but already seeing results. we're excited!!
• got in a stupid argument with andressa (tbh she was overwhelmed with lots of family problems and university stuff & just dumped it all on me, which was really unfair). but it's fine
• bought a squidward pair of socks. it's not a big event, but they're really cool socks
• stuff with grandpa's health got complicated, but atm i don't really feel like talking about it
• started talking to a boy and he's really cute, we decided to meet up and do something, and he's willing to come to criciuma to see me (he's from tubarão)
• watched spiderman: no way home with my bro and his girlfriend & it was the best movie of all times. seriously, i won't even get started on this topic or else i'll write a full book about it. but definitely ★★★★★★★★★★ 200/10
• bought a new bullet journal in december and started using it again, mostly for drawings
• didn't manage to finish my reading goals because university really killed me this year (and it will be even worse next year, so i think my goal will have to be smaller)
• started drawing again in december because it feels quite therapeutic for me
• so far i've lost 10kg and it already had a huge impact on my self-love. i still have to improve myself and the insecurities are still present, but now i feel like it's possible to love myself once again
• watched the last season of "la casa de papel" with my brother and it is simply phenomenal. what a tv show... bruh, definitely one of the best
• got mom in our family's "amigo secreto"
• dressed as santa claus for tio mami for the 1st time & just loved it. he hugged me so tight, it was such a fullfilling experience.
• rewatched "no way home" at the movie theater with ceretta and sabino
• went to cavera (the 4 of us) and spent the day there. it was such a fun and great day