Mrs. Mullin thinks Steph and I are so "avant-garde":

  • tarnished ugly mind, charmning nightmares came to the doorman
  • lukewarm milk pretending to be static on the television set
  • I spoke of unpleasant porcelain, an artist swam dramatically trapped within boiling skin
  • listening to pocketwatches, time disappeared over the years
  • invisible sisters jumped impatiently, watching cliche bullshit
  • I lied about feeling cold
  • starving complaintes destroy heat
  • examined ecstasy raped words, raw conventional aviation
  • shady secret gods, sweating visions in five minutes
  • bodies ruin everything
  • dying folktales kissed smooth nightlife
may 11 2009 ∞
may 11 2009 +
  • book fair on Saturday 5/9
  • registering for classes at HW soon!
  • Boats 'N Hoes party at Dan Davis' house 5/15
  • last day of class 5/19 (Semesters to follow)
  • graduation!!! 5/29
  • graduation party/bonfire(not really looking forward to this) 5/30
  • moving out (need to figure out exact date soon)
may 6 2009 ∞
may 11 2009 +
  • freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
  • cookie dough
  • asparagus with soy sauce
  • bagels from Panera w/extra cream cheese
  • basil tofu from Thai Hut
  • strawberry/mango daiquiri
  • toast with real butter
apr 20 2009 ∞
apr 20 2009 +
  • the happy glasses
  • afghan in the woods
  • Emily's VW bus
  • going to Chipotle/Jimmy John's/Panera
  • teasing
  • sitting downtown Cherry Valley
  • Bauman Park
  • going to the skate park/smoking squares at the skate park
  • California in the Summer
    • Audrey and Kelsey
    • Longboarding to the plaza
    • Coldstone cake batter ice cream
    • Surfing/Taco Bell on the beach
  • adventures with Emily (usually involved the smoking of weed and then Taco Bell, Panera, Chipotle or Jimmy Johns)
  • riding my bike
  • my phone
  • getting slurpees from the 7Eleven
apr 6 2009 ∞
apr 17 2009 +
  • Ambulance sirens
  • Boys that lie
  • Cake (unless it is ice cream cake)
  • Drug tests
  • Eavesdroppers
  • False teeth
  • Goat's milk
  • Hamburgers
  • Insults
  • January
  • Ketchup smell
  • Licorice (black)
  • Mother (except recently she has been alright)
  • Nosy neighbors
  • Obedience
  • Pop quizzes
  • Quiet
  • Restlessness
  • Sobriety
  • Television commercials
apr 5 2009 ∞
apr 17 2009 +
  • I can't get that sound you make out of my head. I can't even figure out what's making it.
  • You used to give me butterflies (of the stomach variety)
  • I miss miss miss miss miss you.
  • My job is actually somewhat enjoyable
    • minus the fact that I can no longer wear my black corduroys and have to purchase ugly black pants.
    • I get hit on a lot at work as well, which is not necessarily a bad thing when the boys are cute.
  • I am growing my hair out
  • and dying it strawberry blonde! (well, maybe)
  • I wonder if things will ever go back to how they were?
  • I need new clothes for Spring/Summer, so I have to make a wishlist soon.
mar 31 2009 ∞
apr 6 2009 +
  • art director for a magazine like Nylon, Under the Radar, or Vogue
  • audio technician that records bands for a label
  • art director for a record label
  • music/art therapist
  • journalist for National Geographic (of course)
  • boutique owner
  • cafe owner?
  • art history teacher
  • modeling agent
  • really hip real estate agent that goes to those cool parties
mar 22 2009 ∞
mar 22 2009 +
  • It's pretty bad, because I think I like him a lot.
  • He is a bad influence... like bad.
  • Good kisser
  • Cute face
  • I trust him even though he's shady to certain people.
  • I wish he would spend more time with me
  • He is moving to Chicago too, so that's good.
  • It's not even so much that I want to date him.. I just want to be with him. I don't know... I am stupid.
mar 1 2009 ∞
mar 1 2009 +
  • I get attached to people extremely easily. If you show me a little attention and I think you are an awesome person I expect you to give me attention all the time. This gets annoying. I don't express this feeling to anyone, and I never complain about being ignored, but in my head I get frustrated.
  • I'd really like to make steady friends at school. People that I can hang out with quite frequently.
  • I read more than one book at a time, and I confuse the characters. I need to slow down and only read one.
  • I hate my life because I have no money, no job, and no hobbies.
feb 18 2009 ∞
feb 18 2009 +
  • Become a surrogate mother
  • Donate my eggs= $8000/egg (can do every 4 months or so)
  • Exotic Dancer (lololol, no)
  • Sell things door-to-door
  • Get a real job
  • Work study
  • Ughhh, I need money.
  • FAFSA makes no sense.
jan 4 2009 ∞
jan 21 2009 +
  • Kennedy
  • Sutton
  • Anthony
  • Delilah
  • Ellen
  • Rilo
  • Honor
  • Elliot
  • Eden
  • Forest
  • Adele
  • Sienna
  • Rivers
  • Lola
  • Lisar
  • Kyle (for a girl or boy)
  • Peyton
  • Amelie
  • Raegan
  • Ezra
  • Jack
dec 4 2008 ∞
may 9 2009 +
  • Drive more often
  • Dye my hair a pretty color
  • Buy a cape
  • And some tights
  • Figure out when I am going to Chicago next
  • Apply to colleges (SAIC, Eugene Lang, Columbia, Roosevelt, UWW)
  • Make new friends
  • Break the bad news to you-know-who
  • Decide what I want
  • Attempt to make peace with people who hate me
  • Register my computer under our wifi so I can speak to Emily and the rest of the world
  • Charge my phone nightly
  • Work out
nov 2 2008 ∞
nov 2 2008 +
  • If you are going to do something, be willing to own up to it. Don't try and lie about it, especially to one of your best friends. They'll find out eventually.
  • I hate how this hurts me so much, but doesn't even render in your heart or mind. It's so easy for you.
  • Don't tell me about girls that you like. I don't want to know. Well, I do.. but it's too hard.
  • You try way too hard, but you are always there. Thanks for buying me that thing last night.
  • Positive, or negative? 3 weeks.
  • Everyone saw that coming. Don't disappear.
  • I hope that you and I become good friends. You seem really amazing.
  • Precocious and a music snob, lol.
  • I need decongestant
  • I need to lose 18lbs, like now
oct 9 2008 ∞
oct 9 2008 +
  • Family
    • is who you make it
      • I want to know my biological dad
      • And the rest of my family
      • But my friends are my family
  • St. Louis
    • Might move there later in life
      • But it probably won't happen for a while
      • it's just a thought
  • Chicago
    • Halloween
      • is going to be funnn
      • I want to dress up.. and I need costume ideas
    • Apartment
sep 23 2008 ∞
sep 23 2008 +
  • I finished our internet scavenger hunt
  • This is the only site that I can get on that isn't blocked
  • I am sitting by myself
  • It's rather funny, actually.
sep 9 2008 ∞
sep 9 2008 +
  • Braids, in my hair.. or on clothing
  • Incense
  • Smelly markers
  • Boys, and the way they smell
  • Dry-erase boards
  • Foreign films
  • Brick walls
  • Flea Markets, and trinkets
  • Tangerine lip color
  • Sour candy
  • Spicy food
  • Bonfires, and star gazing
  • Camel Filters
  • Bamboo plants for good luck
  • Lava lamps
  • Brown eyeshadow
  • Tickle fights
  • The internet
  • Chow Mein
  • Marijuana
  • Red wine
sep 6 2008 ∞
sep 6 2008 +

and subsequently I cannot listen to right now:

  • Cloud Cult
  • The Get Up Kids
  • Her Space Holiday
  • That one Aerosmith song
  • Any of the songs we sang on SingStar at Randie's house.
aug 28 2008 ∞
sep 6 2008 +

Fuck I'm confused.

  • You are amazing. A douchebag, but amazing. I hope we get to hang out more. I really do.
  • You better not be lying. I hope we reconnect.
  • You are sweet, but you also have a gf. So, we'll see.

Okay I feel better.

aug 26 2008 ∞
aug 26 2008 +
  • Bedhead curl serum stuff
  • Kneehighs/tights
  • Blank C-D-R's (haha)
  • Brown liquid eyeliner
  • Mascara
  • Really skinny curling iron


New shoes

aug 22 2008 ∞
aug 22 2008 +

In chronological order:

  • Adam from St. Louis- We definitely survived a tornado together in my grandparents basement. I met you when I was 2 years old and we took baths together. When we got older you had to drink warm milk before bed. Your mom was terribly English.
  • Abby from St. Louis- Your mom and my biological mom were best friends, and the last time I saw you was at the funeral. You were really sweet and loved fish. We used to play in that huge aquarium in your basement. I used to think we were sisters.


  • Ashley- We went to school from kindergarten to 4th grade together. And then you moved. We loved playing dress up and pin the tail on the donkey.
  • Amber- Everyone made fun of you, but I thought you were awesome. We used to play b...
aug 21 2008 ∞
aug 21 2008 +
  • cigarettes
  • stupid boys
  • soda
  • ice cream (I eat too much)
  • having a cell phone
  • tanning
  • money
aug 19 2008 ∞
aug 19 2008 +

Supplies to buy:

  • PAINT (liquitex)16 oz. jars
  • A few more brushes
  • Canvas
  • Oil pastel paper stuff
  • Charcoals
  • Polaroid film (FUCKERS! I have to use eBay now)

Things to finish:

  • Big painting of girl
  • Get better at figure drawing
  • Some sort of oil pastel?????
  • Paint the picture of my brother
  • Colored pencil project
aug 19 2008 ∞
aug 19 2008 +
  • Audition for the play
  • Focus on having a good time
  • Visit Emily & Cari frequently
  • Work and save $ for college
  • Not let things get me down
  • Start working out again
  • Work my way up to running long distances
  • Find my dad? Maybe. Maybe.
  • Get over this certain person, because obviously it is nothing, and never will be. I don't know why I bother to stay in touch. Asshole.
  • Maybe learn to drive??? Maybe.
  • Learn how to develop film
  • And make clothes
  • Keep friends
  • Make friends?
  • Not be a bitch
  • Loosen up
  • Pay attention in class
  • Graduate
aug 18 2008 ∞
may 16 2009 +
  • Peyton Sawyer in One Tree Hill
  • Edie Sedgwick in Factory Girl
  • Penny Lane in Almost Famous
  • Anita Miller in Almost Famous
  • Vanessa Wetherhold in Smart People
  • Trillian in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • Sam in Garden State
  • Hayley Stark in Hard Candy
  • Katharine Hepburn in The Aviator
  • Ava Gardner in The Aviator
  • Marissa Cooper in The O.C.
  • Margot Tenenbaum in The Royal Tenenbaums
  • Natalie Finch in Running With Scissors
  • Lucy Carrigan in Across The Universe
  • Tracy Louise Freeland in Thirteen
aug 12 2008 ∞
aug 12 2008 +
  • I overreact and I tend to say things that hurt people
  • Then I realize that I feel bad about it, and won't be able to sleep until I resolve what just happened
  • I attempt to, but I fail because phones do not connect
  • Fuck, I miss everything
aug 11 2008 ∞
aug 11 2008 +
  • The Killers (I haven't listened to them in a really long time, but this morning I saw a video on t.v. and I loved it all over again)
  • The Shins (Remain one of my favorites, but I haven't listened in a while)
  • Cloud Cult (FUCK YOU! I want my CD back, dumbass)
  • The Black Keys (These guys are really nice, and I should listen to them more often)
  • The Honorary Title
  • Manchester Orchestra
  • Maria Taylor
  • Matt Pond PA (I need to find my CD's)
aug 8 2008 ∞
aug 8 2008 +

Get a cellphone so I can stay in touch with everyone

Buy a backpack:

Go school supplies shopping:

  • College ruled loose-leaf (a lot of it)
  • Spiral notebooks (8)
  • Clear plastic binder things (3)
  • Black-ink pens (134823984)
  • Mechanical pencils (2384275462)
  • Note cards (300?)

Re-do my room

aug 7 2008 ∞
aug 7 2008 +
list icon

No particular order:

  • The time where we got 12 people into the drive-in with only 3 tickets to watch the Charlie's Angels movie in CA.
  • Laying in the field in my backyard with Emily for like 2 hours trying to figure out what the clouds looked like. We were definitely time traveling. For sure.
  • Surfing in California and walking to the surf window TacoBell.
  • The night Steph and I watched the Hitcher, drank a bottle of french kiss, and Brice wanted to come over.
  • My 6th birthday when everyone played dress up and my cat had babies in my sandbox.
  • The first day that Emily and I sat after school and talked. Ha, she makes fun of me for always bringing it up, but whatever.
  • The day Steph, Todd, Brice, Mike Farr and...
aug 6 2008 ∞
aug 8 2008 +
  • Here Comes A Regular- The Replacements
  • Twilight- Elliott Smith
  • I Will Remember you- Sarah McLaughlan
  • In the Arms of an Angel- Sarah McLaughlan
  • Now at Last- Feist
  • She's Got You- Patsy Cline
  • No Surprises- Radiohead
  • It's Cool, We Can Still be Friends- Bright Eyes
  • Tears in Heaven- Eric Clapton
  • In the Backseat- The Arcade Fire
  • The Journey- From the movie "The Rescuers"
  • April 8th- Neutral Milk Hotel
  • Ny Batteri- Sigur Ros
  • This House is Not For Sale- Ryan Adams (This is personal, and fucking makes me cry cry cry like a baby)
  • Pancakes for One- of Montreal
  • Sway- Annuals
aug 5 2008 ∞
aug 5 2008 +
  • listography
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • TvLiveShows
  • Gmail
aug 5 2008 ∞
aug 5 2008 +

For a boyfriend:

  • Has the ability to hold a conversation with me, one of substance, or one with no point at all. I guess someone who talks a lot, but not too much.
  • Cute smile.
  • Likes, or puts up with my friends.
  • Decent taste in music. Ok, GREAT taste.
  • Has goals, or ambitions. Has a job.
  • Doesn't tell me how to live my life.
  • Has his own opinions, and isn't afraid if they are different from mine. I like a guy who can hold his ground and not let a girl walk all over him (not that I would do that).
  • Not intellectually challenged. I like smart people.
  • I love meeting families. I get really nervous, but in the end it feels good to be connected.
  • Someone who isn't ashamed of me, and will...
aug 4 2008 ∞
aug 4 2008 +
list icon
  • Perfect From Now On by John Sellers
  • I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
  • On the Road: The Original Scroll by Jack Kerouac
  • Animal Farm by George Orwell
  • Learning to Love you More by Harrell Fletcher
  • The Boy From Lam Kien by Miranda July
  • Shortcomings by Adrien Tomine
  • Like You'd Understand Anyway: Stories by Jim Shepard
  • 10 Million Hours a Mile by Miranda July
  • Self-Help by Lorrie Moore
  • The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007 by Dave Eggers
aug 1 2008 ∞
aug 7 2008 +
  • Ezra
  • Jude
  • Lyric (more of a middle name)
  • Sophia
  • Luca
  • Edan/Eden
  • Elliot
  • Alison
  • Peyton
  • Jack
  • Oliver
  • Bjorn
  • Kyle
  • Ashton
  • Noel
  • Lewis
  • Grace
  • Kennedy
  • Delilah
  • Louis
  • Auden
jul 29 2008 ∞
aug 25 2008 +
  • Emily Day
  • Stephanie
  • Chris Ortega
  • Emmanuel
  • Nicholas
  • Cari
  • Justin
  • Margaux
  • Andrea
  • Nikki
  • Kyle
  • David?
jul 29 2008 ∞
mar 16 2009 +
  • Work party/breakfast
  • Lollapalooza (if I can even go...)
  • Wrock Chicago (My whole family is going because they love Harry Potter)
  • My birthday
  • First day of school
jul 25 2008 ∞
jul 25 2008 +
  • Sad, and kinda lonely.
  • Hopeful at the same time?
  • Should I be?
  • I don't know.
  • Sorry and depressed.
  • I wish I knew
jul 24 2008 ∞
jul 24 2008 +
  • Late nights, play fights,
  • I'm freezing and you're leaving me here.
  • Blue and red up I'm fed, you're upset almost dead, tongue twisted.
  • Any ole chance I'll get I'm gonna marry you
  • Get my act together and star in school
  • Put deposit on a nice little flat
  • Get my finances together and show where it's at
jul 22 2008 ∞
jul 22 2008 +
  • I still remember when you told me you loved me more than anything. I often wonder if you were lying, because I wasn't. I miss the old you. You grew up to be an asshole. I wish we were still friends.
  • As much as I hate to admit it, I am lonely, and I'm not sure if this is going to last.
  • You are kind of boring to hang out with. I don't know what to say to you sometimes, and it's awkward.
  • I need to find roommates. I'm afraid to live alone.
  • I hope this certain person dies of yellow fever.
  • I wish I was in CA right now. With Emily or someone. That'd be nice.
  • I don't want to be disappointed again.
  • I'm so glad Emily doesn't hate me.
  • I wish Steph was still here. Like really here.
jun 17 2008 ∞
jun 17 2008 +
  • I don't know anymore.
  • Can I wait?
  • Moving out in September/October.
  • I need money.
  • Should I work two jobs?
  • I was thinking about working at a gas station, but I'd be so tired when I have to go to school.
  • I wonder if I'll get 1st period study hall, then I could skip and or sleep.
  • I have a new puppy.
  • My mother is psychotic. And I can't take it.
  • I miss him, and not him so much.
  • I want a family.
  • I want my life back.
  • Depressed
  • I'm glad Emily stopped by last night!
  • She's keeping me connected to society for now.
jun 4 2008 ∞
jun 4 2008 +
  • I love you.
  • I don't care if I get that ring. Haha.
  • I'm glad I found you.
  • Please don't walk away.
apr 20 2008 ∞
apr 20 2008 +
  • Friday: TBA
  • Saturday: Sara and I might go to Goozie's. If she decides she wants to.
  • Sunday: Laundry.
apr 17 2008 ∞
apr 17 2008 +
  • My mother
  • My mother
  • My mother
  • Anyone associated with her
  • My mother
  • Bitchy people in general
apr 13 2008 ∞
apr 13 2008 +
  • That I can control myself in need
  • I have goals
  • I'm in love
  • I'm okay with being poor
  • I wouldn't mind it when I'm older either, as long as I'm happy
  • My skin is clearing up
  • I only get my period 4 times a year
  • I'm "cultured"
apr 10 2008 ∞
jul 22 2008 +
  • The whole idea of "holy matrimony"
  • The father daughter dance
  • The terrible music
  • Ugly bridesmaids dresses
  • Hideous up-do's
  • Awkward family members, especially the ones that you can't remember their names.
  • The way the Dad's always tear up a little when they walk their "little girls" down the aisle.
  • Traditional anything
jan 13 2008 ∞
jan 13 2008 +
  • I wasn't there for you
  • That I realized that all you do it hurt me
  • That I want to do this
  • That I don't
  • That you misread this
jan 1 2008 ∞
jan 1 2008 +
  • I swear a lot
  • I have a terrible temper, and sometimes throw things
  • I make irrational decisions
  • I bite my lip and sometimes it bleeds
  • I isolate myself when I get mad at people
  • I take really, really long showers
  • I read like 2983520 books at one time, and confuse the characters sometimes.
dec 30 2007 ∞
dec 30 2007 +
  • All of the people who stare
  • Everything is so touristy
  • There are no interesting people, I feel like I've met everyone here
  • I'm bored
  • My parents spend the day in the Children's museum
  • The Starbucks is like twice as expensive
  • You have to pay to use the Wifi
  • It's 4$/30minutes
  • All of the little kids
  • The bathrooms are dark
dec 30 2007 ∞
dec 30 2007 +
  • My mother
  • Being underage
  • Faith pushers and anything related to Church
  • Ignorant fucks who don't care about the environment or politics
  • High school
  • Improper grammar and small vocabularies
  • "The Breakfast Club" fanatics
  • Middle aged men who hit on young girls
  • My father
  • People who treat me differently when they find out I'm adopted
  • The whole "straight edge" thing
  • Cow's milk
dec 28 2007 ∞
dec 28 2007 +
  • $$$$ ruins things
  • I hate how everyone is too busy to talk
  • I miss hanging out
  • The weather sucks
  • Please call me so we can catch up
  • I'll give you money that he owes you, please just be my friend again
  • I called and sang to your voicemail on your birthday and you never called back
dec 8 2009 ∞
dec 8 2009 +

Map out your future, but do it in pencil:

  • I might like something like this
  • related to Elliott Smith:
    • "amity caught stars in her arms"
    • something like this which I really like
  • Memory related:
    • A lion's head on my foot in earth tones with sunflowers entangled in the mane
    • "believe in this sweet madness" (probably on my ankle above the lion's head)
  • "Like prisoners buried in a cave, led by perilous route back into the light"
  • A very large tree down my side like this but with "the story is in the soil, keep your ear to the ground" entangled in the roots and no sword in the ground. The tree would be a little fuller as well.
  • Fluctuat nec mergitur (it is Latin for "She is tossed by the waves, but is not sun...
may 6 2009 ∞
oct 7 2009 +
  • re-pierce my nose, and possibly pierce my monroe or some strange place on my ear
  • move in with Emily and Nicholas Ridiculous
  • escape my mother (finally!)
  • Bonnaroo (probably not going to happen, but it's a possibility)
  • get a new job in Chicago
  • Bro Party!
  • meet cute boys
  • mend old friendships/relationships
  • roadtrip with Emily
  • go to Canada or Mexico
  • read a lot of books
  • attend a fancy dinner and drink wine
  • flea market (possibly some in Madison)
  • swimmming at the beach
  • Rothbury (July 2-5) (probably will not happen)
  • 4th of July is going to be great
  • Pitchfork 2009 (July 17-19)
apr 22 2009 ∞
apr 22 2009 +
  • graduate
  • buy things I need
    • bedroom stuff
    • new hair straightener
  • lose 15 more pounds (I've lost 10 already)
  • let my hair grow out
  • figure out where I am going to college
    • register for school asap
    • figure out work study stuff if possible
  • get a job in Chicago
  • pack all of my belongings up
apr 9 2009 ∞
apr 11 2009 +
  • Elliot Smith
  • Jude Law
  • Sondre Lerche
  • Hugh Laurie
  • Conor Oberst
  • John Stirratt (everyone likes Jeff Tweedy)
  • Emile Hirsch
  • Anthony Kiedis
  • Kevin Drew
  • Devendra Banhart, ha.
  • Patrick Fugit
  • James Franco
  • Jack White
  • Jim Sturgess
  • Chad Michael Murray (bro)
  • Kevin Spacey
apr 6 2009 ∞
apr 6 2009 +
  • games/board games
    • Mancala (that one marbles game)
    • Apples to Apples
    • Twister
    • Scrabble
  • making lists, both on and in my listography book
  • Capri Sun juice pouches
  • short skirts
  • skinny arms
  • stop motion films
  • Continental 8 original flavored soy milk
  • orchids
  • big flannnel shirts
  • the flea market
  • libraries
  • working out (bro behavior, I know)
    • hiking
    • riding bikes
apr 2 2009 ∞
apr 22 2009 +
  • Pushing Daisies
  • Skins
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  • House (I have seen approx. 5 episodes so far, and I like it)
mar 31 2009 ∞
mar 31 2009 +
  • How to love, and keep.
  • Why my parents act the way they do, and do the things they do.
  • The game of chess
  • French, Spanish, Russian
  • Why my mom keeps trying to "save me" from the path that I want to be on. I know what I want.. and I am fine, really.
  • How someone could do something so horrible.
  • Laws of attraction
  • The transportation system in Chicago (I will eventually have to know this)
  • Why we aren't friends anymore. This really gets me down sometimes.
  • How you could move on so quickly
  • How I got alcohol posioning from like 8 shots?
  • Why the world is round and not flat...
mar 16 2009 ∞
apr 9 2009 +
  • I hope I never wake up in puke again. Vodka is not my friend.
  • I can't fucking remember!!
  • My mom found out about pretty much everything.
  • I am probably getting a job tomorrow (fingers crossed)
  • I need to convince my parents that I am okay
  • I need to get my phone back
  • Get out of going to Bridges (treatment)
  • Buy things when I get my tax return
  • I need a new wardrobe
  • boy? maybe.
  • I don't trust myself right now.
  • I like someone, but I don't want to.
  • I cleaned my room again today, and found my glasses.
  • I also watched American Beauty and Almost Famous again.
feb 22 2009 ∞
feb 22 2009 +
  • Sew (well) because I want to make cute clothes for myself so I don't waste 23952035 dollars at stores like UO.
  • Learn more Spanish. I am pretty good at formulating sentences and understanding things, but it'd be handy to be fluent.
  • Also learn Dutch so I can travel to Holland someday.
  • Knit/crochet a scarf for a cute boy (Need to find said boy)
  • Convince people to give me money for free
  • Upholster a chair
  • Make perfume! Emily and I were at Ulta and wanted to know how a person would get into the fragrance business. It'd be pretty neat to learn.
  • Play the saxophone
jan 21 2009 ∞
jan 21 2009 +
  • FINISH my colored pencil shading
  • Come up with ideas for my mixed media
  • Hang out with Emily (duh?)
  • Christmas parties
  • Chicago
  • Drive somewhere interesting (be drove someplace, in my case)
  • Not sit around for the first week and a half not doing anything, and then realize that break is almost over, and I have nothing to show for it.
  • Figure him out
  • Buy a cape (finally)
  • Finish Christmas shopping
  • Make cookies and throw away marzipan
  • Cocoa and peppermint Schnapps!
  • Snow angels
  • Festival of lights
  • Go to the flea market
  • Make an "alternative" holiday CD
  • Get Emily to make me another Ha-Nukka CD
dec 15 2008 ∞
apr 9 2009 +
  • I don't know where to start and when to end
  • I either can't get into them, or can't get over them
  • I always like someone I can't have
  • Or someone who has a girlfriend
  • Or someone too old
  • Or too young
  • Or too short
  • Or too tall
  • I can never seem to find a boy who sticks around
  • and has decent taste in music
  • and mary jane
  • Or dresses decent.
  • I need to expand my horizons
  • I am a bitch
  • I don't like to hang out alone all the time
  • People get tired of my indecisiveness
  • I break people
nov 17 2008 ∞
nov 17 2008 +
  • Page France
  • Born Ruffians
  • The Hood Internet
  • Lykke Li
  • The Teenagers
  • This HORRIBLE cd in art class. It sounds like a dying cow with Evanessence in the background. Some boy brought it in on Monday and we still listen to it.
  • Metric
  • Micah P. Hinson (Thank you, Emily)
  • Really old r&b and rap songs from middle school
oct 9 2008 ∞
oct 9 2008 +
  • I need to get over this. It's over, but it's fucking not fair. It's really not.
  • Do you like him? I want to know, but I will not ask.
  • I am glad there is no drama. Really.
  • Tomorrow morning is going to be awesome.
  • You need to get over yourself. You treat me like complete shit, and I've kind of known this all along, but chosen to ignore it. I guess I love you, but fuck it. I just want to have fun now. I hope you get screwed over again. I really do.
  • Ok, I feel better now.
  • I love how short my homecoming dress is.
  • I need shoes
  • And I want to start running again.
oct 6 2008 ∞
oct 6 2008 +
  • I don't know what I want from you, or how I will get it.
  • I'm sick of this bullshit
  • I need you around
  • You obviously still like her
  • I don't know why I hang out with you, or let you do things like that. I don't like you, and I hope you don't get the wrong impression.
  • I miss my friends
  • I feel sick to my stomach
  • I want some orange cranberry juice
  • Arm amputation?
  • Birth control
  • I still have those fucking flowers in my room! They are from January. Wtf?
  • I think about things like that all the time, and I should stop, because it makes me sad.
  • I am not going to let you walk all over me
sep 19 2008 ∞
sep 19 2008 +
  • Emily Day- I don't get to see you anymore, but hopefully I will come visit soon. I hate that I can't randomly call you while I'm at work anymore. You get me, for the most part.
  • Jaime Balke- You and I get annoyed with each other a lot, but I've got your back, and I can always call you to hang out. I love driving around with you and Nate. And your family is really nice.
  • Dillon S.- You are adorable, and I love sitting with you at lunch. You and Spencer can always make me laugh. And your birthmark is real cute.
  • Guy Gilbertson- I'm glad we are friends again. You are kind of weird, but I guess in a good way. Ha.
  • Andy Brown- I didn't know you lived in my neighborhood until like 2 months ago, and you and I are already good friends. I love everything about hanging out with you...
sep 14 2008 ∞
sep 14 2008 +

I hadn't talked to these people in a long time, but recently I've been conversing with them: And it's kind of random.

  • Brice
  • Omar, apparently Kris10 blocked everything
  • Sam
  • Lauren
sep 9 2008 ∞
sep 9 2008 +
  • Riding in the VW bus with Emily
  • Emily Day in general
  • Sitting after school with everyone like 2 years ago
  • When Stephanie and I were best friends, and nothing else mattered. And she didn't think she was better than me. And she didn't try to say that I have no life ahead of me.
  • Riding to school with Greg last year. Before Kirsten started riding with us, and even after. I don't know.
  • Visiting Nick at Chipotle
  • Riding the bus when I went to West
  • The activity bus with Taylor Chucknah
  • Summer 2007, and everything it entailed
  • Spring Break 2008. Sitting in the parking lots, peeing at Sam's Club, and all of that good stuff.
  • Brice Kai
  • Cari
sep 6 2008 ∞
sep 6 2008 +
  • Sondre Lereche- "After All"
  • The Ladybug Transistor- "Windy"
  • Okkervil River- "Do What You Gotta Do"
  • Regina Spektor- "Radio"
sep 4 2008 ∞
sep 4 2008 +
  • Talk
  • Smoke
  • Make things awkward
  • Make things less awkward
  • Fuck with people
  • Get screwed over
  • Make my mother angry
  • Change songs like 349865 times before settling
  • Continue to be indecisive
  • Get my feelings hurt
  • Try not to care, but still do
  • I need to make friends :///
aug 27 2008 ∞
aug 27 2008 +
  • Very sad that Emily is leaving
  • My head hurts from crying
  • Nervous because I hope that apology was sincere
  • Anxious for school to start
  • Jittery from the 467758 cups of coffee I just consumed
  • Hopeful that this year won't completely blow
  • Scared that I will lose my job.. but almost hopeful?Haha
  • A lot of mixed feelings about tonight
  • We'll see what happens?
aug 22 2008 ∞
aug 22 2008 +
  • Homeroom- Davies
  • Consumer Ed.- Bolen
  • Art History- Mullin
  • Christian Lifestyles/Gym- Easton/Horvat
  • H. Art 3- Patterson
  • Psychology- Yagle
  • Senior Composition- Rozanski
  • Study Hall

Uh... yeahh!

aug 21 2008 ∞
aug 21 2008 +
list icon
  • Thanksgiving break - California, hopefully
  • Christmas break - North Carolina
  • Spring Break- California

To Chicago:[visiting Emily/Cari]

  • Mid/End of September for my birthday
  • End of October
  • Beginning of December
  • New Years Eve
  • Beginning of February
  • Beginning of March
  • Beginning of May/ All of May basically
aug 21 2008 ∞
aug 21 2008 +
  • Elliott Smith
  • Conor Oberst- The new album is amazing.
  • Great Lake Swimmers
  • She & Him
  • Ween.... wtf?
  • Coconut Records
  • Feist
  • The Decemberists
aug 20 2008 ∞
aug 20 2008 +
  • Stupid people outbidding me on eBay
  • eBay on most days
  • The fact that they don't make Polaroid film anymore
  • Itches
  • Bitches
  • Not having things to say to people
  • Awkward conversations
aug 19 2008 ∞
aug 19 2008 +
  • 135
  • 130
  • 125
  • 120
  • 115
aug 18 2008 ∞
aug 18 2008 +
  • Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
aug 15 2008 ∞
aug 15 2008 +
  • Kevin Heger
  • Matt Clayton
  • Karrah
  • Griffin Phelps
  • Guy
  • Alex Asad
  • Mike Farr
  • Nick Berg
  • Katie Levine
  • Grant (my cousin)
  • Andy Russell
aug 13 2008 ∞
aug 13 2008 +

Starting from June of last year:

  • February [I went wherever I wanted, and did whatever I wanted to]
  • January
  • June (of last year)
  • August (of last year; Greg and I were really close)
  • November [I went to FL, and even though I hate that place, it was still fun]
  • July (of last year)
  • October (Halloween, hahahaha)
  • December [I was grounded, fuck]
  • September
  • August (this year)
  • July
  • June
  • April
  • May [Emmanuel got arrested]
  • March (Fucking worst month of my life)
aug 13 2008 ∞
aug 13 2008 +
  • Black and white lion or wolf on top of my left foot
  • Feather anklet around my right ankle
  • Tree with "The Story is in the Soil, Keep your Ear to the Ground" entangled in the roots, on my right side; birds flying off of tree top around onto my right shoulder
  • "Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories", on my left forearm with some sort of sunflower design for my birth mom
  • Figure 8 swirls around my left bicep with "You've already disappeared within yourself" wrapped inside. Elliott Smith..
  • Dream catcher on my left forearm with "It's me and the Moon" underneath
  • A little girl dancing in a field on my inner right bicep
  • Skeleton key and locket
  • "My soul is just a whisper trapped inside...
aug 11 2008 ∞
aug 11 2008 +
  • Getting mail
  • Unintentional paint drips
  • Braids in my hair
  • School supplies shopping
  • Planning things (such as next Summer, which will be amazing)
  • Making lists
  • Polaroids :/
  • Surfing in CA, even though I suck
  • Smoking
  • Dresses with boots
  • Boots in general
  • Dreadlocks on guys
  • The smell of patchouli
  • Live music
  • Watching people at the airport
  • Driving around in the country with the music blasting
  • Apple cider donuts in the fall
  • Jumping in piles of leaves
  • The first snow of Winter
aug 8 2008 ∞
aug 8 2008 +
  • Emily is moving to Chicago
  • I am sad
  • I better be able to visit them at least once a month
  • Orrrr, I will throw a fit
  • Pineapple Express
  • 20 days until my birthday
  • 9 months until freedom
  • I think I will mooch off of my parents this year for: college application fees, a laptop for graduation, food, a new bed, art supplies, shelter, rides, ect.
  • ^^^ Even though I am so ready to leave
  • I have my camera back! Yay.
  • I read too much :/
aug 7 2008 ∞
aug 7 2008 +

No particular order:

  • Broken Flowers
  • Running with Scissors
  • Once
  • Wedding Crashers
  • Sweet Home Alabama
  • Hellboy
  • Almost Famous
  • Coffee and Cigarettes
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's
  • Love Actually
  • Lost In Translation
  • The Ex
  • Dedication
  • Into the Wild
  • Be Kind, Rewind
  • The Puffy Chair
  • O Brother, Where Art Thou?
  • Sicko
  • Thank you for Smoking
  • I <3 Huckabees
aug 6 2008 ∞
aug 6 2008 +
list icon
  • Almost Famous: Everyone singing Tiny Dancer by Elton John in the tour bus
  • Once: The entire soundtrack, but especially Falling Slowly (God I loved this movie)
  • Pulp Fiction: Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon by Urge Overkill leading up to the overdose
  • Donnie Darko: Mad World by Gary Jules at the end was amazing
  • Into The Wild: End of the Road by Eddie Vedder
  • The Wedding Singer: Grow Old With You
  • Fight Club: Where Is My Mind by the Pixies at the end
  • Dazed and Confused: Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith in the introduction of all of the characters
  • Anchorman: Afternoon Delight
  • Royal Tenenbaums: When Margot gets off the bus to meet Richie and Nico's "These Da...
aug 5 2008 ∞
aug 5 2008 +
  • Woodstock music festival (all of them)
  • Seeing Frank Sinatra sing "Over the Rainbow" or "I'll be Seeing you"
  • An eruption of a volcano
  • The first performance of "Hamlet"
  • Julius Caesar's assassination
  • Atlantic City Pop Festival
aug 4 2008 ∞
aug 5 2008 +
  • I am turned off by clingy people, and yet, sometimes I need to see certain people everyday
  • Moms seriously dislike me for some reason
  • I am indecisive
  • I listen to shit music
  • I wear shit clothes
  • My parents... enough said
  • I tend to talk too much
  • I don't drive
  • I don't get out much anymore
aug 1 2008 ∞
aug 1 2008 +
  • At Lollapalooza, while I sit here completely bored.
  • This sucks.
  • Baaaad.
aug 1 2008 ∞
aug 1 2008 +
  • Somehow make this last year of high school worth remembering so that when I walk out on my last day I can say that it was worth not dropping out.
  • Meet new people that aren't stupid sdjkghfs;gdf.
  • Go visit everyone in Chicago at least one weekend per month.
  • Graduate/ pass my classes :///
  • Get accepted into the school of my choice, whichever it turns out to be. I'm a little indecisive at the moment.
  • Get the point across that no matter what you say to me, if you don't matter in my eyes, it probably will not offend me.
  • Live in Chicago and go to school. Work at either George Mitchell's Artist snack shop, UO, or something with a great discount :]
  • Score an internship
  • Stay friends with the people I am friends...
jul 29 2008 ∞
jul 29 2008 +
list icon
jul 24 2008 ∞
jul 28 2008 +
  • Impossible by Shout Out Louds - This actually made me kind of sad. "I don't want to wake up knowing I don't have a future. Impossible. Your love is something I cannot remember. And there's a first time and a second time, you've got to hold on."
  • The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson - Love this part, haha. "I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair."
  • Soft & Warm by Voxtrot - This song has some of my favorite lyrics, such as "Baby I'd leave you for the person you used to be" and "Everyone has a secret, so bite your mother tongue. And let the truth bleed over you, you wolf in sheep-skin. You can never describe the future, but you can paint the past in shades of blue, or money used with neumonic charm."
  • Be Gentle With Me by The Boy Least Likely To - I don't even know, but... "It's a comforting feeling being under someone's t...
jul 22 2008 ∞
jul 22 2008 +
  • The fact that every time I talk to you, it seems I am not good enough anymore.
  • You don't seem to care.
  • You worry about me doing something to disappoint you, when really, I think you are looking for an excuse to end this. Just as I am.
  • I feel bad.
  • The fact that you favor them over me. Well, her in particular. I thought you thought it was annoying how much people idolize her, but now you do the same thing.
  • Why are you hanging out with her. She's soooo... I don't even know.
  • I need to be less judgmental.
  • I'm trying to get it together.
jul 14 2008 ∞
jul 14 2008 +
  • Why is it that you are so fake to everyone.
  • You put on this front so people will like you.
  • It drives me insane.
  • Why are you friends with her, when 3 weeks ago you couldn't stand her?
  • FUCK
  • You have bad taste in music
  • You are still scene, and it's okay with me.
  • Just stop trying to be someone else.
  • I wish you'd stand up for me.
  • Your mom is a cunt.
  • AND, I'm really scared that you are going to change a lot this Summer, and not for the better. And I will have nobody next year. Great.
jun 4 2008 ∞
jul 24 2008 +
  • Oliver Bjorn
  • Gavin Degraw
  • Jude Law
  • Juno McGuff
  • Olivia Langdon
  • Scout Finch
  • Atticus Finch
  • Sylvia Plath
  • Angelina Jolie
  • Shawn Miller
  • Bret McKenzie
  • Jemaine Clement
apr 22 2008 ∞
apr 22 2008 +
  • We Barbarians
  • Wolf Parade
  • Peter Moren
  • Beatbeat Whisper
  • Grizzly Bear
  • Bright Eyes
  • Vampire Weekend
  • The Shins
apr 17 2008 ∞
apr 17 2008 +
  • He doesn't shower everyday, so I don't feel like I have to.
  • He sticks his fingers up my nose.
  • He forgave me.
  • He's really cute, and can speak Spanish.
  • I know he'll always be there for me.
  • He smokes.
  • He hates my mom too.
  • He can read.
  • He supports me
  • He sounds really cute when he's tired.
  • He saved my life, twice..
  • He has squinty eyes.
  • He likes me for me.
apr 13 2008 ∞
apr 13 2008 +
  • You are satirical about 99.9% of the time, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Recently you have kind of shrugged me off, and I'm sorry if I got you in trouble, but this isn't cool.
  • I miss you so much. Please hold on.
  • You deserve to be pregnant. I hope you weren't lying. Shady as fuck.
  • You are the only person keeping me in school.
  • Thanks for chilling out, and actually talking to me. I don't have very many people, so it's nice to converse with someone.
apr 10 2008 ∞
apr 10 2008 +
  • You're Not Alone by Saosin
  • What Light by Wilco
  • Eight Flew Over, One Was Destroyed by Mew
  • I Summon You by Spoon
  • All I Need by Radiohead
  • Drilling by Minus The Bear
  • You're So Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday
  • Nicotine and Gravy by Beck
  • I'll Believe in Anything, You'll Believe in Anything by Sunset Rubdown
  • High Times by Elliott Smith
  • Anyone Else But You by Moldy Peaches
  • People Have a Way by Matt Pond PA
jan 18 2008 ∞
jan 18 2008 +
  • Don't Speak by No Doubt
  • Jack and Diane by John Mellencamp
  • Smoke Detector by Rilo Kiley
  • You're not Alone by Saosin
  • Nicotine and Gravy by Beck
  • Only living boy in New York by Simon and Garfunkel
  • Samson by Regina Spektor
  • My rights versus yours by The New Pornographers
  • Fucking Boyfriend by The Bird and the Bee
  • I can barely breathe by Manchester Orchestra
  • One Armed Scissor by At the Drive In
jan 2 2008 ∞
jan 2 2008 +
  • Nico: Icon
  • Blue Vinyl
  • Wasp
  • Black Gold
  • Dark Days
  • Sicko
dec 31 2007 ∞
dec 31 2007 +
  • Lose 15lbs (everyone does a diet for the new year, lame.)
  • Get better at taking pictures
  • Read all of the books in my upcoming list
  • Possibly become emancipated
  • Grow to love
dec 30 2007 ∞
dec 30 2007 +
  • Arizona tea
  • coffee (black)
  • bagels
  • POM
  • soy milk
  • chai
  • mashed potatoes
  • 7-layer burritos from Taco Bell
  • Chipotle
  • anything Mexican
  • Chinese takeout
  • veggie spring rolls
  • water
dec 28 2007 ∞
dec 28 2007 +
  • naming my first daughter after my mother (Laura)
  • how lucky I am to have found a guy that treats me well
  • I want to learn how to make a marble cheesecake
  • maybe moving away from Chicago because no one here talks anymore. I would have to convince Dirk to move with me, but hopefully he will want to as well
  • college applications for next year.. if I can get money from the gov. for being emancipated then I will go to art school, if I cant then I think I will maybe become a teacher of some sort
  • taking a yoga class
  • going on a cruise this Summer
  • going to Minnesota with my dad, Danelle and Dirk this Summer
  • Dirk said he would take a dance class with me.. haha, that would be a lot of fun
dec 8 2009 ∞
dec 8 2009 +
  • If you would let me inside, I would give you my everything-I-have-left. It's not really valuable and it's pretty much unbreakable at this point.
  • Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my hearts going to cave in. (love this movie)
  • I'd really like to smoke marijuana with Al Pacino
  • I may go here
may 8 2009 ∞
may 11 2009 +
  • hair appointment at 9 for highlights
  • get nails done at Brenda's house around 12
  • braid in my hair/straighten the rest
  • get dressed
  • Victor picks me up at 2:45
  • take pictures around 3:00
  • dinner at 5 at Prime Quarter
  • pre party somewhere (?)
  • dance 8:30-11:30
  • go to Angela's for the night

Update: Got completely trashed at Tyler's farmhouse before the dance, went to the dance, went to buy more liquor, went to Angie's, left Angie's and went to Pepper's for a bonfire/party, got more intoxicated, went back to Angie's, drank more, passed out, woke up, McDonald's for breakfast, car accident, more liquor, Kinnikinick park, became more intoxicated as the day went on, drove to Poplar Grove, tried to ...

apr 30 2009 ∞
may 11 2009 +
  • I don't understand why I am so drawn to him, and why I want to be with him so badly.
    • he isn't even that good looking
    • but he is perfect to me, I suppose
  • He called me today to come over
    • my grandpa's funeral is tomorrow
    • my mom wanted me to stay in
    • I cried because I couldn't see him
    • Why did I do that?
  • Bad bad bad bad idea
    • but very fun
    • very stupid
  • I still miss the previous tenants of my heart, and it sucks to think about it.
  • I know nothing will come of all of this, but I cannot seem to convince myself.
  • Why can't I seem to fall for someone who ...
apr 17 2009 ∞
apr 18 2009 +
  • hot over cold
  • baths over showers
  • dogs over cats
  • fruity candy over chocolate bars
  • Summer over Winter
  • old over new
  • boys over girls
  • scruffy over cleanly shaven
  • truth over lies
  • yes over no
  • vinyl over CDs
  • noise over silence
  • freedom over religion
  • magazines over newspapers
  • vanilla over chocolate
  • apples over bananas
  • reading over televison
  • arrival over departure
  • bongs over bowls
  • sandals over heels
  • deep over shallow
apr 6 2009 ∞
apr 6 2009 +
  • Airports
  • Blogging
  • Cannabis
  • Direct deposit
  • Elliot Smith
  • Friends that stick around
  • Games
  • Halloween
  • Incense
  • Jimmy John's
  • Kayaking
  • Liquor and loud music
  • Money
  • Nicotine
  • Orchids
  • Pie
  • Question game
  • Reese's cups
  • Sex
  • Tater tots
  • Unfamiliar places
apr 5 2009 ∞
apr 17 2009 +
  • April 9th/10th, leave for Florida
    • going to Key West and Ft. Meyers Beach
  • April 19th, arrive home from Florida
  • picking up fat paycheck
  • April 20th, 4:20...
  • having a night with David
  • May 2nd, Senior Prom :/
  • May 4th, Senior Skip Day
  • May 22nd, last day of classes
  • May 29th, Graduation!
  • sometime in the beginning of June, moving out!
mar 31 2009 ∞
apr 9 2009 +
  • It honestly was beautifully bold, like trying to save an ice cube from the cold, but even if we had been sure enough it's true we really didn't know. Even if we knew which way to head but still we probably wouldn't go.
  • He said really I just wanna dance. Good and evil matched perfect it's a great romance. I can deal with some psychic pain, if it'll slow down my higher brain. Veins full of disappearing ink, vomiting in the kitchen sink. Disconnecting from the missing link.
  • And honestly I miss you and I hope that you're missing me cause I could use your lips on me, and a little bit of Dramamine.
  • There is always something better
mar 17 2009 ∞
mar 17 2009 +
  • I got a job at Wendys!
  • Everyone is so dark there. Hah
  • It is by a tanning place that I used to go to, and I decided to go tanning today.
  • I got burnt, and dislike tanning a lot.
  • I will finally have money!!
  • Yay
feb 23 2009 ∞
feb 23 2009 +
  • Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury (required)
  • Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (required/already read)
  • Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (required)
  • Side Step Me by Alex Geana
  • High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
  • Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathon Safran Foer
  • Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
  • The Collected Poems by Zbigniew Herbert
  • Like You'd Understand, Anyway by Jim Shepard
  • The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid
  • Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine
  • What is the What by Dave Eggers
  • McSweeny's Issue 17 by Dave Eggers
  • You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Egger...
jan 21 2009 ∞
jan 21 2009 +
  • Most likely, I will not do anything fun on New Years
  • I have gotten rather large
  • I have no way of paying for college, and my "parents" aren't going to help me
  • My hair desperately needs to be dyed
  • I am uninspired, and bored with my life
  • I am stupidstupidstupid and miss him
  • He is unattainable at the moment
  • I want to do something incredible, but I have no clue where to start
  • I need to read that Charles Bukowski book that I bought, but I misplaced it (I bought it like 2 days ago!!!)
dec 30 2008 ∞
dec 30 2008 +
  • Garage Band so I can start a podcast (I really want to do this)
  • A new camera lens. I hope to get a cheap one on eBay because Drew wants his back :///
  • Vinyl vinyl vinyl
  • New clothes
  • A pair of sturdy leather boots
  • Thick warm fuzzy socks
  • A trip to Europe!
nov 17 2008 ∞
nov 17 2008 +
  • Apparently I did a few lines of coke and gave Spencer Carajuana a blow job AND fucked him all within my 20 minute study hall. Lololol.
  • And apparently I am lying and starting rumors about me and a certain someone. Not proud of it. Sorry. Wasn't great, and I didn't tell people. So stfu.
  • I'm in Chicago in the SAIC computer lab with Emily DAY
  • PIE is good
  • Yelling outside of Cameron's apartment about stupid boys who know nothing
  • Sleeping on the train
  • Spending WAY too much $$$ on vinyl at Reckless
  • Feeling like a douche for carrying an Urban Outfitters and a Reckless Records bag into SAIC
  • Getting my picture taken
  • This computer is pissing me off
nov 1 2008 ∞
nov 1 2008 +
  • Twitter
  • You have changed, and I'm proud of you for some reason.
  • I haven't changed.. but I've grown up a little.
  • Only time will tell
  • Love isn't a feeling, it's an ability
  • I have no skills
  • I need money, but not to buy happiness with.
  • I think way too much, and I think about the same things everyday. I go through this story in my head, and convince myself that it is reality. I know it's not. It just hasn't set in yet.
  • Abortions save lives from ending wrong
  • Realization: NOTHING STAYS THE SAME. But, I can hope that things progress in the same fashion.
  • Dec. 3rd?
  • I need to do my art history homework
oct 8 2008 ∞
oct 8 2008 +
  • Apparently my mom/aunt really loves restraining orders, because one was put against my biological dad
  • I wished every year on my birthday from ages 9-14 that he would come into my life
  • And I blamed him
  • He contacted me, and he wants to meet me now
  • I am scared
  • And really pissed at her
  • I want to know him
  • I have all of the contact information
  • Someone needs to drive me to St. Louis
  • Hopefully over Christmas break
  • He says he has so many things he wants to tell me
  • And I want to know
  • I feel so betrayed
  • And now I can honestly say that I hate Jan for doing this
sep 21 2008 ∞
sep 21 2008 +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Buy leggings and printed tights
  • Finish sewing caplet thing
  • Clean my room
  • Go to H&M sometime this month
  • Write scholarship essays
  • Decide what I want to do with my life
  • Make new friends
  • Visit Shelby at her 1/2way house
  • Document the above
  • Take pictures for art class
  • Finish large girl painting
  • Stop spending money on pointless things
  • Go grocery shopping
  • Lose 18lbs before Christmas
  • Pass all of my classes

I really hate this color. Lavender. Eww.

sep 14 2008 ∞
sep 14 2008 +
  • Bottled water
  • Pampered Chef parties
  • Divorce
  • Juno
  • Asian takeout
  • Soap Operas
  • Graduate school
  • Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
  • Living by the Water
  • Yoga
  • Gifted Children
  • Barack Obama
  • Having gay friends
  • St. Patricks day
  • San Francisco
  • Hating corporations
  • Proactiv
  • Music Piracy
  • Standing in the corner at an awkward party where they are the minority
  • Threatening to move to Canada
sep 9 2008 ∞
sep 9 2008 +
  • Someone always ends up getting hurt between the two of us. I want to be friends, but more than friends. And I don't know if it's possible to be more than one thing at once, but if it were possible, that is what I would want. You have a good heart, but it's been played with, and mangled and now you aren't the same. I hope I don't fall in love.
  • Once again
  • I am stupid. Stupidstupidstupid.
  • I wish you lived here. It would be less lonely.
  • You are really mean, and no one believes you when you say things. Not happening, ever again.
  • flgkhsdfgk
  • Why do I get myself into predicaments??
  • You kind of make me wonder what life would be like if the lights were out all the time.
sep 7 2008 ∞
sep 7 2008 +
  • Study for Consumer Ed test
  • Study for Psychology test
  • Do Consumer Ed project by Monday
  • Read my art history book
  • Make friends with that new girl who has the awesome tote bag
  • Carpool with Greg again (possibly)
  • Grow magical mushrooms in my closet
  • Uh.. yeah
sep 6 2008 ∞
sep 6 2008 +
  • Are not annoying
  • Or self centered
  • Who listen, and actually talk to me
  • Are not dicks
  • Don't have kids already
  • Like good music
  • Don't ruin my birthday, basically
  • Will take me to Chicago to see Emily!
aug 28 2008 ∞
aug 28 2008 +
  • School shopping tomorrow? Hopefully.
  • My birthday on Wednesday
  • Bookday on Wednesday
  • Kevin comes back on labor day
  • First full day of school Sept. 2nd
  • Jaime's birthday on Sept. 5th
  • Soto thing on the 6th
aug 25 2008 ∞
aug 25 2008 +
  • Alex Edwards- I kissed you in Kindergarten and the teacher moved me to the other side of the room.
  • Jason Meeks- I was infatuated with you from 4th-5th grade. You told me if I lost weight you would date me. That was really mean. Hah.
  • Chase- You lived in my neighborhood and I really did like you. We always went to get ice cream downtown CV, and I would hold your hand. Then you moved away, and I cried a lot.
  • Peter DeGuzman- I liked you a lot all through middle school, but you were in love with Kelly Sandquist which was cute, but miserable for me. We used to skip lunch together and listen to your CD's. You loved Hellogoodbye and The Killers. We had a lot in common and now that we go to high school together, it's different. You care way too much about what people think, an...
aug 22 2008 ∞
aug 25 2009 +

Have Lived:

  • St. Charles, MO (I was born there)
  • Ft. Meyers Beach, FL (infant)
  • St. Louis, MO (infant-3years old)
  • Cherry Valley, IL (3-5years old)
  • Pleasanton, CA (6 years old)
  • Rockford, IL
  • Oakland, CA (on and off)
  • Walnut Creek, CA (every Summer, up until last Summer)
  • Cherry Valley, IL (Currently)

Will Live (prediction):

  • Chicago, IL (August of 2009- August of 2013)

Would like to live at some point in the next 20 years:

  • California
  • Seattle
  • NYC (Brooklyn, Greenwich Village, William...
aug 21 2008 ∞
aug 21 2008 +
  • Shrooms
  • Quit smoking cigarettes, maybe
  • Road trip to CA
  • Take a train across the U.S.
  • Move away
  • Record a song
  • Learn to speak better Spanish
  • Learn French
  • Learn to play the acoustic guitar better
  • Live in a townhouse
  • Foster puppies? MAYBE.
  • More live music
  • Knit a scarf
aug 20 2008 ∞
aug 20 2008 +
  • The Meaning of 8- Cloud Cult
  • The Crane Wife- The Decemberists
  • In/Casino/Out- At the Drive-In
  • Relationship of Command- At the Drive-In
  • Lifted- Bright Eyes
  • Noise Floor- Bright Eyes
  • Takk- Sigur Ros
  • Love is Hell- Ryan Adams
  • Surfacing- Sarah McLaughlin
  • Sometimes- City and Colour
  • Beneath Medicine Tree- Copeland
  • XO- Elliott Smith
  • From a Basement on a Hill- Elliott Smith
  • New Moon- Elliott Smith
  • Dusk and Summer- Dashboard Confessional
aug 18 2008 ∞
aug 18 2008 +
  • Been outside of the United States
  • Gone on a road trip with friends
  • Ate cow tongue
  • or brain
  • Posed for a calendar
  • Bought a Fruitista Freeze
  • Worked outside of fast food/carry out
  • Been jealous when a boy that I like hangs out with other girls
  • Stopped loving him
  • Said I love you and not meant it to some extent
  • Had Bubble Tea
  • Gotten a tattoo
  • Wanted my lip pierced for real
  • Stopped wanting my Monroe
  • Liked living in my parents house
  • Had an abundance of people I significantly care about
  • Kissed a boy in front of my mom
  • Liked pork chops
aug 18 2008 ∞
aug 18 2008 +
  • Old men who wear short shorts and socks with their sandals
  • The feeling of bugs crawling on me
  • Insects that bother me whilst doing important things
  • Mosquitoes in my ear
  • Masks! Like all of them...
  • Parents
  • Especially ones who sit there and talk to you for hours
  • My mother
  • When your phone rings, you answer and the other line hangs up without saying anything
  • People who stare at me for too long
  • Open wounds
  • Really mean old people
  • Being on the bad side of town when it's dark
  • Child molesters
  • Blind dates
aug 14 2008 ∞
aug 14 2008 +
  • Scrabble
  • Apples to Apples
  • NOT MONOPOLY! I hated it.
  • Life
aug 13 2008 ∞
aug 13 2008 +
  • Excited= I am going back to school. It's my last year at Boylan (THANK GOD), and next year I will be in Chicago with my friends.
  • Happy= I found a computer for $400. It's not a scam. And the guy selling it to me is kind of cute.
  • Sad= Emily is leaving. Fuck. Cari is going back to Chicago. This year will suck if I don't come and visit.
  • Relieved= I am going to get coffee with Kirsten. Maybe we won't tear each others eyes out this year.
  • Anxious= To start applying for colleges.
  • Anxious= To get my life back!
aug 13 2008 ∞
aug 13 2008 +

Figure out how to spend my $:

  • Buy more vinyl
  • Emily's Mac??
  • Clothing
  • I can't bring myself to splurge!
  • What is wrong with me???

Pick up my school packet:

  • Schedule
  • Uniform information
  • Other pointless shit

Pick up my yearbook tomorrow

  • With Emily & Cari
  • They have to go to sign the lease

Watch the rest of The O.C. season 1

  • Because I am lame
  • Annnd, I have no life
aug 12 2008 ∞
aug 12 2008 +
  • BPM
  • JPG
  • National Geographic
  • Nylon
  • Spin
aug 8 2008 ∞
aug 8 2008 +


  • Mashed potatoes with butter and chives
  • Cereal (Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, Frosted Mini-Wheats)
  • Sushi
  • Tomatoes
  • Grilled cheese and tomato soup
  • Basil tofu level 3 with a spice rack on the side from Thai Hut (lol)
  • Bagels, pretty much any kind of bagels
  • Taco Bell
  • Caesar salad with croutons
  • Cottage cheese
  • Avocados/guacamole
  • Veggie burritos from Chipotle
  • Jimmy Johns!
  • Really crisp red grapes, not the green ones so much
  • Tortilla shells


aug 7 2008 ∞
aug 7 2008 +
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • The Science of Sleep
  • 50 First Dates
  • Darjeeling Limited
  • Royal Tenenbaums

I love all of them, but they are hard to watch now.

aug 6 2008 ∞
aug 6 2008 +
  • Go on a pancake tour of the U.S.
  • Sail to Morocco, or someplace far away.
  • Backpack through Europe, and take a train from Paris to Greece, and a ferry to the Grecian Islands.
  • Barcelona
  • Get a tattoo, or several
  • Go back to that drive-in in California
  • Milk a cow
  • Learn to knit
  • Stay in a hostel
  • Open a hostel?
  • Open my own bookstore
  • Attend the Sundance film festival
  • Go on tour with a friend's band
  • Go to Seattle, New York City, the Jersey shore, Baja California, Maine, Chile, Egypt, Brazil, Japan, New Zealand, the Philippines, Tahiti, Paris, London, Iceland, Sweden, Montreal, B.C., Germany, Alaska, Mexico City, and many more.
aug 4 2008 ∞
aug 7 2008 +

That I actually want to go to:

  • SAIC
  • Eugene Lang College
  • SCAD (I think I'm visiting this Winter break)
  • Boston University

Backup schools:

  • Columbia College
aug 1 2008 ∞
aug 1 2008 +
  • The way I overreact to minuscule things. They really don't matter, and it's stupid.
  • They way I become attached easily.
  • The way that I don't?
  • My relationship with my dad.
  • My plan for life.
  • I'd like to worry less, and care more?
  • I'd like to get back in shape :///
  • I'd like to go back to school.. now.
  • I know I'm strange ^^^^
aug 1 2008 ∞
aug 1 2008 +
  • Jason Meeks (5th Grade)
  • Taylor (6th grade, 8th grade)
  • Adam Johannes (7th grade)
  • Peter DeGuzman (6th grade- Freshman year. Pathetic)
  • Taylor Page (Freshman/Sophmore year) Lol.
  • Max Hobbs (Freshman year)

Wow. This is hilarious.

jul 29 2008 ∞
jul 29 2008 +
  • Monday 10:30-4/5-9:30
  • Thursday 5-9:30
  • Friday 5-9
  • Sunday 11-8
jul 28 2008 ∞
aug 1 2008 +
list icon
  • Salt
  • BBQ sauce
  • Kenneth Cole cologne
  • Hair products, but only some.. others can smell disgusting.
  • Fire & Gasoline
  • Cookies baking in the oven
  • Light cigarette smoke mixed with some sort of food? I don't know.. hard to explain
  • Bars, or pool halls.
  • Cake lotion stuff
jul 24 2008 ∞
jul 24 2008 +
  • I'm sorry if you lie.
  • I'm sorry if I do.
  • I hate that you can't talk to me about certain things
  • Just stop already
  • Tell them that they are excluding you
  • I hate you
  • I hate that I hate you
  • I really miss my best friend
  • I hope the rest of the year doesn't suck as much as the first half did.
  • We have best friend with same names, which sort of makes me laugh considering the circumstances. And the fact that you love my other best friend.
  • You were good to me. (not who you think this is)
  • I promise I'll let you down.
jul 22 2008 ∞
jul 22 2008 +
  • You are a conniving bitch who needs to decide which guy you want to be with. If you want Sam, then be with him, if you want Greg, then be with him. Stop going back in forth. It's not fair to them.
  • I wish you were here.
  • Sometimes I pretend that we're married, and it's nice.
  • You are really cool. I look up to you a lot. I just wish you'd give me the time of day.
  • I'm afraid when you go away next month, that will be the last time we speak for a while. I hope that doesn't happen.
  • I hope you don't grow up too fast. Please take care of yourself.
  • I'm glad I saw you the other day. I miss hanging out with you.
  • GET OVER HER. end of story.
  • I'm pretty sure we have no idea what we're doing. And if we did, we wouldn't be do...
jul 14 2008 ∞
jul 22 2008 +
  • Use listography
  • Use lastfm
jun 5 2008 ∞
jun 5 2008 +
apr 25 2008 ∞
apr 25 2008 +
  • From her:
  • You telling me that we were going to hang out. Sending me a really long heartfelt message telling me how much I mean to you. And then blowing me off.
  • You telling me you almost killed yourself.
  • You telling me you were pregnant.
  • You not letting me in when you need me the most.
  • You thinking your dad loves me more than you.
  • From him:
  • Doing what you did.
  • I don't even know.
apr 20 2008 ∞
apr 20 2008 +
  • I already am
  • I don't need much
  • I like being outside, so I wouldn't mind being homeless
  • As long as I'm with you...
apr 16 2008 ∞
apr 16 2008 +
  • Think
  • Keep it together.
apr 10 2008 ∞
apr 10 2008 +
  • SAIC
  • Boston University
  • Berkeley
  • Columbia
  • New York University
jan 18 2008 ∞
jan 18 2008 +
  • Semester exams :[
  • LV's Birthday Bash, lmfao.
  • All Time Low @ Forest Hills
  • Getting ungrounded
  • Valentines Day
  • Sadie Hawkins dance
  • The Early November @ Riviera Theatre
  • Cursive?
  • Youth Charity Jam
  • Spring Break- CA (?)
jan 5 2008 ∞
jan 5 2008 +
  • Someone who understands. Although I hate my mother with a passion, it irks me when people, especially boys that I am interested in, talk trash about her. Yes, she can be unbearable at times, but it shows character when you don't let it get to you.
  • Somebody who can keep up with me. I like to inform myself with random knowledge. Any person who can defy me, or agree with an opinion I have, and actually know about that topic, impresses me.
  • Someone who I can curl up on the couch, drink a cup of tea, and watch a movie with.
  • Someone with a full blown mohawk.
  • Someone who doesn't have to try make me happy, but already naturally does.
dec 31 2007 ∞
jan 1 2008 +
  • Crybabyemokids (no longer exists)
  • Emo Girl Talk (haha, don't laugh. This is where I grew to love some of the bands I listen to a lot now. She played Iron&Wine a lot too)
  • Indie-cisive (no longer exists)
  • Jay's podcast
  • Andy's podcast
dec 30 2007 ∞
dec 30 2007 +
dec 28 2007 ∞
dec 28 2007 +