- 1/1 - First new year in a long time that I haven't woken up with a hangover. I spent most of the day watching movies and eating leftover tamales
- 1/2 - What's wrong with me? I'm always anxious lately. It's causing me to act really strange
- 1/3 - A quiet day home alone. Trying to get this project I'm working on in order.
- 1/4 - Paul came over and we watched One-Punch Man and played animal crossing. I'm still stressed about my project and I figure it's only going to get worst once school starts.
- 1/5 - Had rosca and hot chocolate with Mom, Etis, and Oscar. It's been raining all day and I love it.
- 1/6 - Spent all day doing "research". The days are slipping away; in two weeks I'll be back in school
- 1/7 - I already regret doing this stupid project but I've invested too much time and money to give up on it now
- 1/10 - I'm so pathetic lol
- 1/11 - I wish I had someone to talk to about movies. I have so much I want to say about The Revenant.
- 1/12 - Hung out with Paul and recorded a trial run. I have to rework my entire plan unfortunately
- 1/15 - my goal is to watch all the movies nominated for best picture before the Academy Awards. So far I've seen 6 and I need to watch 2 more
- 1/16 - I've been feeling very lonely lately and I don't know why. I've been missing people that I know I shouldn't miss.
- 1/17 - After almost 9 years I thought I would never see my father again , yet, lo and behold, I meet him completely on accident on the trolley going to downtown. What a godawful coincidence; I knew we should have left earlier. I just hope he doesn't try to contact me now.
- 1/18 - We recorded today and for the most part everything went well. There is still a lot of stuff we need to work on but for now it'll do.
- 1/19 - I'm sooo tired and I have so much anxiety and overall I just feel so emotionally unstable. I really hope V cancels so I can get some sleep
- 1/20 - Teaching is probably not my calling
- 1/21 - Spent the whole day riding the trolley. I also finally finished watching all the oscar noms.
- 1/22 - lmao well it looks like I'm going to be a super senior. Fuck, I tried so hard to graduate in 4 years, I really did.
- 1/24 - Hung out with Etis. Went to Mitsuwa and Book Off. We also went beer tasting for a bit. Overall a good day except for a this malaise I couldn't quite shake.
- 1/28 - Hung out with Pam and had bomb ass ramen. Came home and took a shower. Now I feel clean, cozy, and well fed.
- 1/30 - feeling accomplished. I still need to tweet for my class, but basically I'm almost done with everything
- 2/3 - Man, I'm such a fuck up
- 2/5 - I know I said I was going to curse less but I need to be true to myself!
- 2/6 - Second time recording and I was even more nervous than the first time
- 2/7 - I will never understand sports
- 2/8 - I feel so betrayed by the coen brothers right now
- 2/10 - Went to Temecula with my mom. Checked out some antique stores and bought a cool record at one of them.
- 2/11 - Soooo much reading I have to get done. Why did I check out so many books from the library???
- 2/13 - Smoking hookah always makes my lungs hurt the day after. How do people do this so often? It can't be any better than cigarettes
- 2/14 - Depressed and I need a haircut
- 2/19 - Went to Mitsuwa, Book Off, Murukai, and Zion. Bought Japanese candy and dvds, ate rice balls, and had loads of fun hanging with my buddies
- 2/20 - Turned 22 today. Got a much needed haircut that I'm still getting used to (I feel like the male lead in a '90s alternative teen movie). Also, I went out to dinner at this Italian restaurant in downtown
- 2/22 - So far the whole "acting like an adult" thing hasn't been working out for me. Honestly, what am I even doing???
- 2/23 - I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like I'm watching my life through a tv screen.
- 2/24 - Bought some cute clothes and then went to see Metric and Joywave at the House of Blues
- 2/25 - Honestly I'm so cute and so slept on! Somebody date me
- 2/27 - I'm having a slight panic attack rn because I'm reading about students with disabilities and there are so many things that I have to remember about what to do in an emergency and it's making me sick with anxiety. I don't even want my own children and suddenly I'm responsible for the wellbeing of 30+ kids??? omg what am I doing with my life? Lately I've been having so many doubts about becoming a teacher. Everything in my gut is telling me to give up on this but I'm so scared because I don't know what else I'm supposed to do with my life. I can't think of a single thing I want to do. I need to figure it out but honestly everything sounds so unbearable. What am I going to do??????? Helpppppp
- 3/1 - Got the nicest compliment ever on tumblr. Totally makes up for everything
- 3/2 - I need to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm only 22; I don't need to have my shit together.
- 3/3 - I "know" three languages and they're constantly getting mixed up in my head. It's always so embarrassing when I get an Italian test back and I realize I was using Spanish words.
- 3/4 - Went to see Cherry Glazerr, Best Coast, and Wavves at the Observatory. Everyone there was under 21 and I felt sooo old. Also can I just say that I hate mosh pits? Especially all the sweaty, smelly, shirtless dudes. Ew
- 3/6 - I'm sick and my throat hurts soooooooooo bad. Every time I swallow its like I'm swallowing razor blades. Somebody take me out of my misery
- 3/8 - I think my wisdom teeth are coming out. Damn... just take me out behind the shed already
- 3/9 - I get annoyed by my friends too easily. I think it's because I'm a completely bitter person with a superiority complex. I'm self-aware enough to realize this, but to lazy to do anything about it. At least I hide it well.
- 3/10 - I'd really like it if my nose would stop leaking...
- 3/11 - I wish people cared about analyzing books and movies as much as I do. I have no one to talk to about my theories
- 3/12 - Why do I even seek emotional support from other people??? They never want to listen to me or validate my feelings, they just give me their stupid input that I didn't ask for. It can be so frustrating and alienating. I'm better off just dealing with my problems on my own
- 3/15 - Went to See Only Yesterday and I absolutely loved it! Easily Takahata's best film. Also, in unrelated news, my depression and social anxiety is in full swing. I now get to look forward to every social encounter being met by a sudden and overwhelming desire for death.
- 3/17 - I should not be a parent, honestly. I don't know how to discipline children at all
- 3/21 - I'm not cut out for PR. I have too much social anxiety
- 3/24 - I just lost my job and I'm so fucking depressed
- 3/25 - I wish I had never been born. I wish I could sleep for the rest of my life.
- 3/26 - Things haven't been going well. I cancelled on Paul today partly because I felt sick but also because I couldn't bear to see anyone. I've applied for another job and for a volunteer position but I'm not too confident about either of them. I just want to spend the rest of my spring break sleeping and not talking to anyone
- 3/30 - Spent most of the day editing and playing Fable III. Also, I went to a Russian restaurant in downtown and ate blini
- 4/1 - Cooking with Paul and Mare. It did not go well at all!
- 4/3 - Celebrated Pam's birthday. Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. Usually being around Pam's friends really drains me but I was pretty talkative and energetic. Although, it might have been because I maintained a slight buzz throughout the entire evening
- 4/4 - I've honestly become so obsessed with Hamilton. I listen to the songs all the time and they are constantly stuck in my head. What happened to me? How did I become someone who likes show tunes?
- 4/8 - I hate phone interviews! It's so nerve-racking. But I'm pretty confident in how I did. It went pretty well. I just hope I get the job.
- 4/14 - I have my second interview tomorrow and I'm legit about to cry
- 4/15 - I got the job!
- 4/16 - My neck/back hurts and I should be working on my (multiple) projects but instead I'm going to watch movies and play animal crossing
- 4/17 - I kinda wanna try shrooms...
- 4/21 - I'm so tired and I won't be able to rest until I'm finished
- 4/22 - There are so many things I did wrong in college. Even though I got good grades, I wish I had tried harder. I wish I had tried to get into the honors program. I wish I had joined some clubs. I wish I had tried to publish that essay like my teacher wanted. I wish I had double majored. I feel like I could have done so much more if my depression hadn't gotten in the way. I might have even gone to grad school.
- 4/23 - I'm pretty satisfied with this recording,which is kind of surprising. I feel like I said everything I wanted to say.
- 4/24 - Maybe it's not healthy, but sometimes I just want someone to validate my thoughts and feelings even if they're irrational. Most of the time I talk to people and they make me feel like I'm crazy. I end up feeling even more anxious and alienated than before. Can't they just try to understand where I'm coming from and why I act the way that I do?
- 4/25 - I'm so stressed out and I want to cry. I have two presentations tomorrow (one in Italian) and an exam. Plus it's my first day at my new job tomorrow and I'm so nervous. D:
- 4/28 - My job/life is 90% embarrassing myself and 10% reeling from that embarrassment.
- 5/3 - I'm scared and nervous and I just want to sleep forever
- 5/8 - I'm so disappointed and so depressed. I fucked up all my chances
- 5/11 - I kind of fucked up. Should I be nervous about my job security?
- 5/12 - You know what? I hate my job and I actually hope they fire me
- 5/14 - I know I complain about my job a lot but I honestly hate it. My mental health has completely deteriorated since I started working there. I haven't been this depressed since high school. Just thinking about going makes me feel suicidal.
- 5/23 - Remember that year where one of my new year's resolutions was to go to therapy? What ever happened with that? lmao
- 6/4 - Forgive me for complaining about my job again, but I literally hate almost 90% of the people that work/shop there. I can't stand these people and I can't stand working there. I might quit after the summer...
- 6/6 - I spent soo much money today and now I feel guilty. I need to learn how to save but buying useless things is the one of the few joys that I have. What can I say? I have a commodity fetish
- 6/8 - When is it going to get better?
- 6/10 - Bought a ton of books at the secondhand bookstore near my house. Super excited to read them all
- 6/12 - The best part of my day is driving home and blasting the Hamilton soundtrack
- 6/13 - I'm not pretty or nice, I'm angry and vulgar.
- 6/17 - I feel so unproductive; I haven't been able to get anything done all break. I feel like work occupies all of my time. Even when I'm not at work I'm constantly thinking about and dreading when I have to go back
- 6/18 - I'm hungover and depressed. Last night was unpleasant; why do guys have to be so gross and creepy? I went to work which of course made me feel worse. I feel like I''m going to get fired soon and I don't know how I feel about that.
- 6/19 - I miss my old job
- 6/21 - I want to quit but I also feel bad about quitting
- 7/5 - honestly, fuck oitnb!!!!
- 7/8 - Volunteered with Paul and Mare. We mostly arranged flowers. Then we went to the Japanese market and I spent a lot of money on food. I've been trying to save money, especially since I might be quitting my job after the summer, but I honestly don't regret buying so much. It was delicious
- 7/14 - I love fashion but I find buying clothes for myself to be too difficult. Its just so overwhelming.
- 7/15 - I should see a doctor. I'm an absolute mess
- 7/16 - I honestly cannot tell when a guy is flirting with me vs. when he is just being friendly. Like, even as an "adult" woman I still haven't figured out how to navigate these social situations.
- 7/20 - made it on the dean's list again and I'm pretty pleased with myself
- 7/22 - I feel trapped. My depression has gotten really bad but I have no one to talk to about it. Any time I talk to people I feel like they don't understand me. I just feel so alone
- 7/27 - went to Six Flags with Mare and Paul. It was sooooo hot and everyone was sick and tired. It was pretty fun, though. I actually got scared on a ride for once
- 7/28 - Is he flirting or am I a narcissist??
- 8/1 - I'm never doing anything nice for someone ever again. My co-worker just completely screwed me over and I'm so fucking mad
- 8/5 - Wow, I see why people get hooked on oxycodone
- 8/10 - I need a new computer but I don't even get paid a living wage lmao what is this life???
- 8/13 - I'm drunk and I have a lump in my throat
- 8/21 - Why am I suddenly craving cigarettes??? I haven't smoked in over a year and even when I did smoke it was never enough to form a habit. What gives?
- 8/22 - I'm quitting!!!
- 8/29 School was nice. I'm really excited about my classes even if they are a lot of work. I also went to my school library and rented a book that my great grandfather wrote in the early 1900s. Like, it's so crazy and surreal to think that my family history is sitting in a library in southern California.
- 8/30 - Why am I so depressed??? Like, I'm always depressed but for some reason it's been so much worse this week. Do I feel guilty about quitting my job when my family doesn't have a lot of money? Am I sad that this is my last semester in college? Is it just pms??? What's happening?
- 9/2 - I feel so stupid and out of place in all my classes. I keep thinking I'm not a real writer, I'm just an impostor. I haven't even turned anything in yet and I already know that everything I do will be mediocre and embarrassing.
- 9/3 - free!
- 9/4 - Ate ramen in Little Italy, bought cheese at a little cheese shop, then went to a cool antique shop...it's been a good day.
- 9/25 - honestly can't tell if I'm a good writer or not...
- 9/26 - It's 2016, I'm still hung up on boys I haven't seen in 4 years, and I'm slowly losing my mind!
- 9/27 - I wish I was a billionaire so that I could just stay in school forever and keep learning new things. I'm gonna be so bummed when I graduate...
- 9/28 - Avoiding all my responsibilities yet again
- 10/1 - Hitting the road!
- 10/2 - There are places in this country with nothing but mountains and chaparral
- 10/3 - Racism is alive and well (and not at all frowned upon) in Nevada
- 10/5 - I've seen so many wild animals on this trip. Herds of deer, wild horses, beavers, salmon, Canadian geese...so amazing
- 10/6 - I'd like to live in a small town entirely populated by artists
- 10/7 -It's clear we're running out of ideas. Speaking of which, I have a story due on Monday and I'm really having a hard time with it. Scifi is just not my forte.
- 10/9 - Literally just saw a bald eagle
- 10/10 - My mom just brought home a cat. The total score is now: dogs-2, cats-2, people-4
- 10/12 - honestly, just kill me
- 10/23 - Went on an impromptu trip to Colorado. It was...uneventful. I did get to see a Jenny Morgan exhibition in Pueblo, though.
- 10/31 - Halloween was spent eating pesto and cheese bread and watching Ringu
- 11/3 - I've been surprisingly social this semester
- 11/8 - My short story was a surprising hit. Lately people have been really liking my writing
- 11/9 - Welcome to hell!!!
- 11/10 - Writing is so fucking hard. I always get stuck overthinking everything.
- 11/30 - well I've decided to pursue an mfa in creative writing lmao let's see how this turns out
- 11/30 - Why do I have to be so crazy and weird????
- 12/3 - celebrated Mare's birthday. Watched Moana and ate ice cream.
- 12/7 -I'm soooooo embarrassed. Why am I so weird????????
- 12/8 - lmao I did it again. I embarrassed myself again. Why am I so stupid lately??
- 12/13 - Why do I have to agonize over everything I do wrong?????
- 12/15 - When will I stop being this way???
- 12/20 - I will never stop being awful lmao
- 12/21 - last day of classes as an undergrad. Aaaah! scary stuff. A little exciting, but mostly sad and terrifying
- 12/22 - drive drive drive
- 12/23 - air mattresses are the worst
- 12/24 - I just got caught in the worst rain storm ever. At least I got to have hot chocolate and apple pie.
- 12/25 - Christmas in Sedona! It snowed! I ate Thai food!
- 12/27 - nothing to do in Ramona, CA
- 12/28 - I just saw a really cool antique camera and a really cool antique typewriter but I'm too poor to buy them lmao
- 12/29 - talked to someone who likes movies as much as I do. Really exciting and refreshing. Also I went horseback riding and wine tasting?? wtf?!
- 12/30 - everything is shit but I'm going to make it out Andy Dufresne style
- 12/31 - I keep thinking about the winemaker's son...
jan 1 2016 ∞
jan 1 2017 +